Is this the game changer Russia needed? Posted on February 28, 2023 by PrepHole Contributor He is The Perfect Weapon, after all
His duel with nikocado avocado will be legendary
Loser cums first amirite?
Why would he waste his time fighting some fat gay dude?
Niko has better things to do.
I'm picturing them bashing into eachother on a Black Sea beach like a pair of elephant seals fighting over territory. Lots of guttural grunts and roars mixed with the sound of many pounds of blubber colliding with force.
Name a more PrepHole actor.
>overweight with a gun
he's PrepHole alright
>with a gun
The man is PrepHoleino incarnate.
Can't stall the Seagal
What the actual fuck is going on there? Shitty CGI? He looks like he's flying along on a hoverboard, or using some sort of Harkonen levitation technology.
He is actually being dragged on a skateboard, no joke.
>dragged on a skateboard
> no joke
[ X ] Doubt
But, that would sort of explain it. An actual skateboard? How can he keep his balance on it? His motion is bizarrely smooth to be balancing on something so small & narrow. It must be some sort of furniture dolly. Or he's got a high-powered, turbo-mobility scooter stuck in his asscrack.
If I don't remember wrong he's on a segway. He brought it to the shoot and wanted to use it.
He's not only a sex symbol, but an action legend as well.
>He's not only a sex symbol
But he has a really small Japanese sword
Is that Luka?
no its ja/ck/
By the looks of his belly, that's probably the first vegetable he's ate in decades.
nice cgi there
Katana means japanese sword.
>Katana means japanese sword.
nihonto means japanese swords
and that is a wakizashi in shirasaya, not a katana
Tie him to a Kalibr and it's over for dill.
his best work is the video of him dancing lezginka in front of the official Chechen delegation wearing just his baggy jeans and shirt, that is truly kino for the ages
Didn't Putin literally shoot a similar bit back in his "manly photos of riding topless on horsebacks" days, where he would have the other dudes run at him and flip themselves over when he gave them a light touch.
Putin knows Judo, which is an actual martial art and he's probably at least solid at it.
Aikido is just some schizos superhero fantasy fighting style. Very cool for a boss character in a fighting game like Geese, but real people aren't strong enough to actually fight like that.
Does Putin actually know judo or is that some fake shit made up about him as well, like how he was a secret hardass KGB agent instead of some pencil-pusher?
The world judo association took away his "honorary" black belt, didn't they?
By all accounts he was the champion of Leningrad in Judo, so he probably would fuck you up in a fight. It's on record he got beaten by a female judo olympic medalist when he was president though, so he most likely never
To be fair he was like 50 when he staryed being president and he probably hasn't had a serious spar in like 20 years.
Of course an Olympic-level athlete is gonna fuck you up, weight classes or not.
>By all accounts he was the champion of Leningrad in Judo,
Before or after he became President? His honorary black belt makes him as much of a judoka as a honorary degree at Harvard makes Oprah a scholar. Also, no matter how good he may have been at some point, I am pretty confident in being able to take on a 70 year 1,55m old manlet suffering from Parkinsons.
Before during his teenage/college days. That's how he knows the Rotenbergs (construction oligarchs) in that they did Judo with him.
he was a legit competitor in his youth i believe, there's a story (written pre ukraine war) about how he was in west germany for a tourney and brought a washing machine back home
>we cannot escape the patterns of sacred history
>how he was in west germany for a tourney and brought a washing machine back home
Reality can only bend this far.
>he was in west germany for a tourney and brought a washing machine back home
When the Wall fell and the DDR ceased to exist, all KGB agents were recalled back to Moscow immediately.
And yes, it did happen (picrel outlines it in detail).
The memes literally write themselves.
Americans have no idea what a fucking wealthy country they live in. Modern blacks should be kissing the feet of white men for enslaving their ancestors
Could he beat Teddy Roosevelt though?
The greatest letdown in history is that there will never be a presidential fight between Teddy Roosevelt and Wrestling Hall of Fame member Abe Lincoln. Dude had win rate of 300 to 1. If Teddy and he had gotten into it, the White House would've gotten demolished harder than it did in 1812.
On a related note, the Civil War should've been decided in the ring between Lincoln and Davis. Would've probably been able to just buy every slave their freedom with the ticket sales alone.
This poster was assassinated before he could finish his thought
Didn't the president of the USA bow down to Israelis ? lmao
Fellas, it's time I re-introduce you to the map of global zionism
If you served in the US military in the last 10 years, this map will make sense to you
You already got mogged by
so sftu polfag
Yeah. Pretty disgraceful moment.
>thinks trump is the only US politician to wear the tiny hat and kiss the wailing wall in jerusalem
>didn't get the (you)s he wanted
>herbed and ignored
Every diplomatic meeting should have a Krav Maga match
>where he would have the other dudes run at him and flip themselves over when he gave them a light touch
It's called Systema and it's the essential oils and energy crystals of martial arts.
I'm not kidding.
Seagull does Aikido, which is also what you described.
Systema is way more schizophrenic and much more distinctly Russian.
Aikido is kinda sorta borderline acceptable as a last ditch effort to avoid getting fucked up by a bigger and stronger opponent by using his momentum against him.
Systema is just "it's magic I ain't gotta explain shit" and it's hilarious to watch 40-something dudes defend it to the death because "secret overseas martial arts taught by an ex-spetsnaz dude" turns their brain into mush the same way "healing power of nature" and "ancestral spiritual wisdom" does it for their wives' brains.
>Aikido is kinda sorta borderline acceptable as a last ditch effort to avoid getting fucked up by a bigger and stronger opponent by using his momentum against him.
It is, on paper, if you are as strong as three men.
Systema is literal magic though.
>It's called Systema and it's the essential oils and energy crystals of martial arts.
Is that what the fuck that is about? He stinks up the place with his essential oils and BO.
Is Seagull such an egotist he will sell himself to anyone that will make him feel like a big man?
The man literally got bullied out of Hollywood because of how egotistical he is
Wasn't he in debt with the Mafia in New York or something
Why award this lawn gnome and not actual heroes of Russia like Gonzalo Lira, Copelord, Snowden, Scott Ritter, Podolyak, Semonyan, Solovyev, the Goblin or the Shaman?
do the schizos think snowden is a russian agent or whatever?
It says a lot about Russia, when they honor an incompetent actor who's a narcissistic half-garden gnome who literally embodies the whole "tips hat" weeb archetype.
>It says a lot about Russia
Seagal is a has-been who never really has, but loves to pretend he still is, and is willing to do increasingly desperate stunts to get the attention he thinks he deserves.
In other words, he speaks to Russians on a spiritual level.
His SNL episode is an absolute classic
It's such heavenly irony that they use "We don't let our people down/ don't let our people behind" as a motto for the special patriotic war, probably in reference to all the Russians they allegedly want to liberate in Ukraine. And then followed to literally let hundreds of their soldiers behind in all sorts of scenarios.
>highly insecure beta trying to show how masculine he is all goddamn time
and the other dude is seagal
should have known russia would resort to chemical warfare.
Reminder that Steven Seagal shit himself on set after claiming his Aikido training made him immune to being choked, only to be choked unconscious by the lead stuntman after agreeing to prove it. There were at least four witnesses to this event.
This was done by Gene LeBell, who is absolutely based. He wears a pink Gi because fuck you what are you going to do about it? He also humiliated Bruce Lee which is what inspired the scene from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood which made so many people seethe.
What's with 3rd world dictators idolizing 1990s has been American celebrities? You have Putin idolizing Steven Seagal and Kim Jong Un idolizing Dennis Rodman lmao. What's next, the Ayatollah coming out as a big fan of Macaulay Culkin?
>What's with 3rd world dictators idolizing 1990s has been American celebrities?
They and their worshippers grew up on 90's western action movies and treat these people as something close to deities.
Getting someone famous to simp for them (usually in exchange for a tax haven) is a good look. They used to do this with western commie sympathizers, invite them into the country, shake hands, show them a carefully curated tour of the country and then have them fellate the country publicly when they return to the "decadent west".
they couldn't even fake it properly
If he has been given it through unofficial channels, they probably gave one to him just so he would fill it out by himself. Remember, it's russia, nothing is too retarded to happen there.
In the case of North Korea, Kim is absolutely obsessed with basketball and anyone connected to the 90s Bulls Dynasty is officially god tier. Read up on North Korean basketball rules. It’s actually sounds like it would make for a fun game.
I just want to titfuck Steven seagal and have him look up at me as I cream pie his tits. Is this normal?