Is this the game changer Russia needed?

He is The Perfect Weapon, after all

250 Piece Survival Gear First Aid Kit

LifeStraw Water Filter for Hiking and Preparedness

250 Piece Survival Gear First Aid Kit

  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    His duel with nikocado avocado will be legendary

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Loser cums first amirite?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Why would he waste his time fighting some fat gay dude?

      Niko has better things to do.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I'm picturing them bashing into eachother on a Black Sea beach like a pair of elephant seals fighting over territory. Lots of guttural grunts and roars mixed with the sound of many pounds of blubber colliding with force.

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Name a more /k/ actor.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      The man is /k/ino incarnate.

      >overweight with a gun
      he's /k/ alright

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >with a gun

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    The man is /k/ino incarnate.

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Can't stall the Seagal

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      What the actual frick is going on there? Shitty CGI? He looks like he's flying along on a hoverboard, or using some sort of Harkonen levitation technology.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        He is actually being dragged on a skateboard, no joke.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >dragged on a skateboard
          > no joke
          [ X ] Doubt

          But, that would sort of explain it. An actual skateboard? How can he keep his balance on it? His motion is bizarrely smooth to be balancing on something so small & narrow. It must be some sort of furniture dolly. Or he's got a high-powered, turbo-mobility scooter stuck in his asscrack.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        He is actually being dragged on a skateboard, no joke.

        If I don't remember wrong he's on a segway. He brought it to the shoot and wanted to use it.

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    He's not only a sex symbol, but an action legend as well.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >He's not only a sex symbol
      But he has a really small Japanese sword

      Katana means japanese sword.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Is that Luka?

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous
        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Is that Luka?

          no its ja/ck/

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          By the looks of his belly, that's probably the first vegetable he's ate in decades.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      nice cgi there

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Katana means japanese sword.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >Katana means japanese sword.
      nihonto means japanese swords
      and that is a wakizashi in shirasaya, not a katana

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Nerrrrrrrrrd

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Tie him to a Kalibr and it's over for dill.

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    his best work is the video of him dancing lezginka in front of the official Chechen delegation wearing just his baggy jeans and shirt, that is truly kino for the ages

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous
    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Didn't Putin literally shoot a similar bit back in his "manly photos of riding topless on horsebacks" days, where he would have the other dudes run at him and flip themselves over when he gave them a light touch.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Putin knows Judo, which is an actual martial art and he's probably at least solid at it.
        Aikido is just some schizos superhero fantasy fighting style. Very cool for a boss character in a fighting game like Geese, but real people aren't strong enough to actually fight like that.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Does Putin actually know judo or is that some fake shit made up about him as well, like how he was a secret hardass KGB agent instead of some pencil-pusher?
          The world judo association took away his "honorary" black belt, didn't they?

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            By all accounts he was the champion of Leningrad in Judo, so he probably would frick you up in a fight. It's on record he got beaten by a female judo olympic medalist when he was president though, so he most likely never

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              To be fair he was like 50 when he staryed being president and he probably hasn't had a serious spar in like 20 years.
              Of course an Olympic-level athlete is gonna frick you up, weight classes or not.

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              >By all accounts he was the champion of Leningrad in Judo,

              Before or after he became President? His honorary black belt makes him as much of a judoka as a honorary degree at Harvard makes Oprah a scholar. Also, no matter how good he may have been at some point, I am pretty confident in being able to take on a 70 year 1,55m old manlet suffering from Parkinsons.

              • 1 year ago
                Anonymous

                Before during his teenage/college days. That's how he knows the Rotenbergs (construction oligarchs) in that they did Judo with him.

              • 1 year ago
                Anonymous

                he was a legit competitor in his youth i believe, there's a story (written pre ukraine war) about how he was in west germany for a tourney and brought a washing machine back home
                >we cannot escape the patterns of sacred history

              • 1 year ago
                Anonymous

                >how he was in west germany for a tourney and brought a washing machine back home
                No.
                Reality can only bend this far.

              • 1 year ago
                Anonymous

                >he was in west germany for a tourney and brought a washing machine back home
                When the Wall fell and the DDR ceased to exist, all KGB agents were recalled back to Moscow immediately.
                And yes, it did happen (picrel outlines it in detail).
                The memes literally write themselves.

              • 1 year ago
                Anonymous

                Americans have no idea what a fricking wealthy country they live in. Modern blacks should be kissing the feet of white men for enslaving their ancestors

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              Could he beat Teddy Roosevelt though?

              • 1 year ago
                Anonymous

                The greatest letdown in history is that there will never be a presidential fight between Teddy Roosevelt and Wrestling Hall of Fame member Abe Lincoln. Dude had win rate of 300 to 1. If Teddy and he had gotten into it, the White House would've gotten demolished harder than it did in 1812.
                On a related note, the civil war should've been decided in the ring between Lincoln and Davis. Would've probably been able to just buy every slave their freedom with the ticket sales alone.

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              This poster was assassinated before he could finish his thought

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Didn't the president of the USA bow down to Israelis ? lmao

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        ???

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Didn't the president of the USA bow down to Israelis ? lmao

          Fellas, it's time I re-introduce you to the map of global zionism

          If you served in the US military in the last 10 years, this map will make sense to you

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            You already got mogged by

            https://i.imgur.com/L3ozR32.jpg

            ???

            so sftu polgay

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Yeah. Pretty disgraceful moment.

        • 1 year ago
          sage

          >thinks trump is the only US politician to wear the tiny hat and kiss the wailing wall in jerusalem
          >didn't get the (you)s he wanted
          >herbed and ignored

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Every diplomatic meeting should have a Krav Maga match

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Didn't Putin literally shoot a similar bit back in his "manly photos of riding topless on horsebacks" days, where he would have the other dudes run at him and flip themselves over when he gave them a light touch.

      >where he would have the other dudes run at him and flip themselves over when he gave them a light touch

      It's called Systema and it's the essential oils and energy crystals of martial arts.
      I'm not kidding.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Seagull does Aikido, which is also what you described.
        Systema is way more schizophrenic and much more distinctly Russian.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Aikido is kinda sorta borderline acceptable as a last ditch effort to avoid getting fricked up by a bigger and stronger opponent by using his momentum against him.
          Systema is just "it's magic I ain't gotta explain shit" and it's hilarious to watch 40-something dudes defend it to the death because "secret overseas martial arts taught by an ex-spetsnaz dude" turns their brain into mush the same way "healing power of nature" and "ancestral spiritual wisdom" does it for their wives' brains.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            >Aikido is kinda sorta borderline acceptable as a last ditch effort to avoid getting fricked up by a bigger and stronger opponent by using his momentum against him.
            It is, on paper, if you are as strong as three men.

            Systema is literal magic though.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >It's called Systema and it's the essential oils and energy crystals of martial arts.

        Is that what the frick that is about? He stinks up the place with his essential oils and BO.

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Is Seagull such an egotist he will sell himself to anyone that will make him feel like a big man?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Yes

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      The man literally got bullied out of Hollywood because of how egotistical he is

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Wasn't he in debt with the Mafia in New York or something

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Why award this lawn gnome and not actual heroes of Russia like Gonzalo Lira, Copelord, Snowden, Scott Ritter, Podolyak, Semonyan, Solovyev, the Goblin or the Shaman?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >snowden
      do the schizos think snowden is a russian agent or whatever?

  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    It says a lot about Russia, when they honor an incompetent actor who's a narcissistic half-israelite who literally embodies the whole "tips hat" weeb archetype.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >It says a lot about Russia

      Seagal is a has-been who never really has, but loves to pretend he still is, and is willing to do increasingly desperate stunts to get the attention he thinks he deserves.
      In other words, he speaks to Russians on a spiritual level.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        His SNL episode is an absolute classic

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        It's such heavenly irony that they use "We don't let our people down/ don't let our people behind" as a motto for the special patriotic war, probably in reference to all the Russians they allegedly want to liberate in Ukraine. And then followed to literally let hundreds of their soldiers behind in all sorts of scenarios.

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Thanks Steven

  14. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >highly insecure beta trying to show how masculine he is all goddamn time
    and the other dude is seagal

  15. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    should have known russia would resort to chemical warfare.

  16. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Reminder that Steven Seagal shit himself on set after claiming his Aikido training made him immune to being choked, only to be choked unconscious by the lead stuntman after agreeing to prove it. There were at least four witnesses to this event.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      This was done by Gene LeBell, who is absolutely based. He wears a pink Gi because frick you what are you going to do about it? He also humiliated Bruce Lee which is what inspired the scene from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood which made so many people seethe.

  17. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    What's with 3rd world dictators idolizing 1990s has been American celebrities? You have Putin idolizing Steven Seagal and Kim Jong Un idolizing Dennis Rodman lmao. What's next, the Ayatollah coming out as a big fan of Macaulay Culkin?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >What's with 3rd world dictators idolizing 1990s has been American celebrities?
      They and their worshippers grew up on 90's western action movies and treat these people as something close to deities.
      Getting someone famous to simp for them (usually in exchange for a tax haven) is a good look. They used to do this with western commie sympathizers, invite them into the country, shake hands, show them a carefully curated tour of the country and then have them fellate the country publicly when they return to the "decadent west".

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        they couldn't even fake it properly

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          If he has been given it through unofficial channels, they probably gave one to him just so he would fill it out by himself. Remember, it's russia, nothing is too moronic to happen there.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      In the case of North Korea, Kim is absolutely obsessed with basketball and anyone connected to the 90s Bulls Dynasty is officially god tier. Read up on North Korean basketball rules. It’s actually sounds like it would make for a fun game.

  18. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I just want to titfrick Steven seagal and have him look up at me as I cream pie his breasts. Is this normal?

Leave a Reply to Anonymous Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *