In the absence of a gun or a knife, what's the best mundane weapon you could use for home defense? A claw hammer?

In the absence of a gun or a knife, what's the best mundane weapon you could use for home defense? A claw hammer? A screwdriver? Maybe a folding chair?

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    a pencil. no i'm not joking.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      where's that video of the guy trying to stab a cop with a pen and getting his shit pushed in?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >t. the Joker

      https://i.imgur.com/l4VXqAe.jpg

      In the absence of a gun or a knife, what's the best mundane weapon you could use for home defense? A claw hammer? A screwdriver? Maybe a folding chair?

      Whatevers at hand.

  2. 1 month ago
    cough syrup greentext from /x/

    shovel
    t. russians in wwII

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Muh dick

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Hammer, a cane or walking stick, bat, an appropriate size wrench or pry bar, a small axe or hatchet, various gardening tools...

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Canes are classy. You can swing it like a club or thrust like a sword and if you can fake a limp the police don't give you shit about them.

      Add a top hat and shoulder cape to complete the effect.

      • 1 month ago
        cough syrup greentext from /x/

        cane sword

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Canes are classy if you are 50+ yrs old and dress the part. They look cringe af otherwise

        Seriously is this unironic 'class is for men' posting?

        • 1 month ago
          cough syrup greentext from /x/

          or if you are young and dress normal but very obviously walk like you need a cane.

          i drilled out a cane i inherited from my polio crippled grandpa to sneak drugs into concerts. i just really play up the limp when going through security and they dont care about the cane.

          basically cane sword but drugs.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Ax or shovel. Axe for power, shovel for reach.

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Something with reach and durability. Metal bat, maybe with the sides grounded down a little making it somewhat of a mace.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    If your home invader has a gun, then nothing. It's over for you.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Sure if you're a defeatist homosexual.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Hammer is easily one of the deadliest tools in a toolbox, though being indoors may complicate things if you get cornered, still i would probably opt for a slightly longer one, with a nice rubber grip.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      That picrel may not be the best example, i have one irl and the balance feels rather poor, because the handle is all metal, i think it would be better to have most the weight towards the head.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        https://i.imgur.com/kmZlUWp.jpg

        Hammer is easily one of the deadliest tools in a toolbox, though being indoors may complicate things if you get cornered, still i would probably opt for a slightly longer one, with a nice rubber grip.

        whats the best one?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          ballpean

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      hammer for self defense should be in the range of 8oz to 12oz

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      If you can afford a hobby store polearm, you should be able to afford a knife.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >in the absence of a gun or a knife
        It's a legitimately useful gardening tool, it will chop though any plant and even small trees, and you use the hook end to drag it where you need it.
        They were farming tools first and adapted into weapons later.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Didn't the ancient Romans fight some mountain Black folk who used this and it cut right through Roman Scutum shields and sometimes over their shields?
          Ah, there, the Dacian Falx, that's a lot of leverage

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        angloids are banning knives m8

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Is it just my autism or does it bother anyone else that he's just tossing that firewood in there willy-nilly instead of stacking it neatly?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Nah it’s bugging me too, way more efficient to stack properly, he’s gonna have some damp rotten pieces in the middle of that pile

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd be more afraid of a hammer than a bat

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    hmmmmm shouldn't have touched the boy

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >it ain’t got no gas in it

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    An electric chainsaw or a cordless power drill.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A crossbow or a slingshot of some sort.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      homie is a crossbow a mundane home tool?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        john- oh no, there is a home intruder coming and all my guns were lost in a tragic boating accident. jimmy what are we gonna do?

        jimmy- i only have mundane home tools like my crossbow and and backyard trebuchet

        john- homie what?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Then get a fricking rock and throw it at them.
        Rocks are mundane.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        What about a whip?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I mean, maybe, if you're a cowboy.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Maybe you're into bdsm?

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              You know I've never been smacked with a pair of handcuffs but I bet it would fricking hurt.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                >be me
                >really into bdsm
                >guy tries to break into my house
                >ohshit.jpeg
                >grab my pink whip and whip him harder than my grandpappy whipped his grandpappy (hes black)
                >once he is incapacitated, quickly and expertly tie him up using my bdsm knowledge.
                >call cops and they see him tied to my sex swing covered in whip marks with pink fluffy handcufs on

                mfw they arrest me instead

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                Don't be ridiculous.
                You're black, you'd get shot the moment you open the door for them.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous
        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Assuming that the crackhead stealing your tv is a Black instead of white trash(solid odds, really), the sound of it will invoke a blood memory, causing him to submit to the foreman's demands.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >Into the breakin barn you go boah

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Can't beat the range, speed, and power of this tool

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    D-cell Maglite. at least 4 cells.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I remember my granddad, who was a patrol cop in south florida, once told me the best way to beat a Black person with a maglite when I was 10 years old.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        You can't just leave it at that Anon.
        You need to share your Grandpa's hard earned knowledge with the rest of us. Do you think he'd want it to be a secret? Or do you think he'd want every good law abiding citizen to benefit from his skills?

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
  17. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A spade is among the best. Yes i will elaborate.
    >Good lenght
    >Various sizes
    >Cheaper than a mcdonalds meal
    >Actually useful in day to day life
    >Large cutting edge for w/ low chance of error, a stab anywhere on the body will create a lethal wound, stab to the neck means death.
    >Can be swung as a blunt weapon unlike a spear
    >Inconspicious, not even the gaygiest brit will berate you for owning one
    >Very thrustable
    >Thick handle is very good at forming a barrier between you and attacker, when choked up the large blade surface can be used as a shield if the assailant strikes overhead with a bat or something
    >No training nor maintainance required
    >Enough heft to smash a door or window in, light enough to not get tired, even useable as a light lever

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This is a compelling argument. I want to go to my local DIY and buy a big frick-off shovel now.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty good case, although I thinking erring on the smaller side would be better for HD. I think 2nd place is the youth baseball bat.

  18. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Machete

  19. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Danger Dongs is the only viable choice.

  20. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    a cordless cicular saw, only a madman would attempt to get between it and you

  21. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      The chancla only works in the hands of a Mexican mother or grandmother. It is powerless to anyone else.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        now that I think about it Bush did dodge the one thrown at him by the Egyptian guy.
        Wonder what happened to him. What’s the punishment for throwing shoes at a foreign leader?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Funny enough I know all about that story. His name was Mohammad al-Zaidi (I think that's how you spell it) and he got three years, but only served one because of a) good behavior and b) throwing a shoe in Iraq is apparently a pretty major form of political protest. He was kinda martyred.

  22. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    An 8" dagger. Not a knife, but a double-edged, spire-tipped dagger, at least 6" but preferably 8". On an average adult male, the heart is 4" below the skin, so you need another few inches at least if you hope to actually pierce and heart and do damage that will kill them immediately. That's why I always laugh at all these morons with their little 3-4" folder blades. Like, what the frick are you going to do with that? KEK.

  23. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >In the absence of a knife
    >what weapon you could use for home defense
    Is OP for real? Does he live in an old folks home or something? What kind of home doesn't have a knife?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I recall reading an article that people in bongland on probation or house arrest may be forbidden from having kitchen knives in the home.

  24. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    People are more scared of getting stabbed than hit with a blunt object so probably a bowie knife. That or a mace.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You think so? A sharp crack to the dome with, say, a pan, can kill you just as easily as a knife to the throat.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        A shiny sharp blade looks scarier imo. No one wants to get stabbed or even cut.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        The problem is with a knife, dagger, or even a shortsword, if you are unarmed the only thing you can do against someone with just about any weapon is try to disable your attacker's arms or wrestle their weapon away.

        With any bladed weapon, you have an extremely high probability of getting cut, even if you win. If someone has a blunt weapon, you can only get hurt if they are able to strike you. And getting in close to try and wrestle them is the safest position you can be in.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        A hit to the head with a frying pan can kill you, but not as "easily as a knife to the throat." Get real, homie.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I am real, homie. A blow to the temple is easily, instantly fatal. But yeah, people have survived it. People have survived having their jugulars slashed too. It all depends on how you rolled out of bed that morning.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >A blow to the temple is easily, instantly fatal
            It's a rare exception that someone is killed with one blow, even with a heavy blunt object. Stop being ridiculous, you fricking tard.

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              It's rare to be stabbed in the throat too. You're dying on a very stupid hill right now.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                ...the throat is the one universal place that every human on earth knows to go for if you're using a knife. Yeah most stab wounds are just to "anywhere I can get to" but if given an opportunity, anyone would go for the throat.

                On top of that, if you're just a little bit educated on it, you can kill someone with a knife by targeting way, way more areas of the body. If you whip out your frying pan, you can't really kill someone without hitting them in the head. You can disable them, yeah. But you can stab someone in the leg, and they will die. You can take a full swing with a bat to someone's leg and you might break it, but they aren't going to die. And they may not even be hurt to the point they go down and give up.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            The head is the most protected part of the human body. The throat is probably the second least protected part. You can't just smack someone in the temple. If you're fighting someone, you aren't just going to get to land that. And unless you see actual brain matter you can't be sure they're actually dead.

            With a knife, if you poke someone and see blood spray out, you know they are dead within a few seconds to minutes.

            • 1 month ago
              Anonymous

              wtf is this scenario? A guy breaks into your house and is in a defensive boxing stance holding a knife? If you grab a baseball bat or other blunt object and attack him with it, one of two things is going to happen:
              1) You just surprised the shit out of this intruder and he's almost certainly down in one blow.
              2) He's out the door.
              But honestly he's probably either unarmed, because he didn't expect to be interrupted, or has a gun, in which case he's STILL not going to be defending his head and throat. Ya'll homies are dumb.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                There...there was no scenario. I'm stating facts about the human body and weapons. If you use a bat or a pan, and miss, you cannot defend yourself with that weapon as well as you could a knife. You can be on your back, on the ground, and still keep poking holes in someone. Your bat at that point becomes something you have to worry about.

              • 1 month ago
                Anonymous

                You don’t go down in one blow from a baseball bat
                t. hit in the head with one

  25. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    DAS A HAMMER DAWG

  26. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Dog.

  27. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A fire extinguisher and a good club, if you're not allowed to have a knife for some reason.
    Extinguishers work better than mace because they cut off oxygen supply. Drugs don't make you need less air.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >and a good club
      You're holding a steel cylinder, bro.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Unless you've Grug'ed a decent handle onto it, it's definitionally a mediocre club.

  28. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    is a sickle a good improvised weapon? i'm gonna get one for yardwork and i want to know it it can replace my ageing beating stick

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I mean, it's probably better at slashing than a kitchen knife. It would also have that intimidation factor going. Who else but a pants shitting maniac would keep a sickle on his nightstand?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        And you could weaponize a sickle even further by putting a guard of some sort on it. It would also keep you from cutting up your hands in the garden when you're dealing with those god damn weeds with the spikes that get like eight feet tall if you don't rip them out immediately.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      depends on the sickle, if it's a really thin one, not really, you're better of with a kitchen knife.
      a thicker one is preferable, but i would still go with a big kitchen knife, stabbing is op

  29. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Maybe a folding chair?
    Just 619 home intruders

  30. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Your legs and a window. Why you would want to fight someone to the death in your own home is beyond me. It could go just as badly for you as it could for them; hell it's more likely to go badly for you. If you don't have a gun just leave your house and run away or get a strong door and a good lock. If those options don't fit your larping then anything that is long that you can thrust and swing. Christ... going into hammer or screwdriver range you're just asking to get killed.

  31. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Baseball bat, it's the most deadly weapon that will pass as not having intent to murder

  32. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Absence of a gun or knife
    A spear

  33. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Das a hammer dawg!!!

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      What???

  34. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Maybe a folding chair?

  35. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    machete or billhook, deep cuts end a fight real quick, doesn't really matter where you hit
    any blunt weapon comes second. hits to the head end a fight quick, but hits to the body might to almost nothing to stop the attacker

  36. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    a big black wiener is the ultimate weapon.

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