In context the voice giving orders sounded weird and the other officer was calling to get confirmation. Turns out it was a fake order from a supercomputer.
This. The system is designed to be impossible for a single man to use.
In context the voice giving orders sounded weird and the other officer was calling to get confirmation. Turns out it was a fake order from a supercomputer.
This. The system is designed to be impossible for a single man to use.
You he turn the key either way, then why not shoot and kill a traitor?
Because if he kills you he can't fire the missile. The keys are spring loaded, out of mutual reach, and need to be turned simultaneously. The entire setup is so one man can not fire a missile.
In context the voice giving orders sounded weird and the other officer was calling to get confirmation. Turns out it was a fake order from a supercomputer.
This. The system is designed to be impossible for a single man to use.
>the gun lowers >tears form in his eyes >he holsters the gun >he walks over to you >he puts his hand on your shoulder >"i...i'm sorry, sir" >"it's a high stress situation and i just...i lost it for a moment" >"you may be my co, but you're also my friend" >"we can turn the keys or not, it's up to you" >"you need to try and call someone for confirmation?" >"well...i respect your needs. you make that fricking call." >picks up the phone for you and starts dialing >hands you the headset >"whatever you decide, sir, i'm with you"
an excerpt from The Keys to Friendship, A Story of Love and Understanding During a Nuclear Holocaust
Lol when I was in phase 1 at Pensacola we had dudes dropped for eczema, over sensitive teeth and all manner of minor shit because if it could potentially cause a loss of capability in the squadron or in the place. But Sally Shingles here gets a pass with all her mongoloid sisters.
This exact shit is why women in the military was an awful idea and will cost us a shit ton more lives than it already has
That's not the only black pill.
The nukes can be launched without turning the keys.
Those men are stationed there as post duty to make sure the nuke and its supporting infrastructure are maintained.
A remote signal can launch them in unison.
Hi this is the lock-picking lawyer and today I'm going to show you how to pick a nuclear command station arming device with two paperclips, a roll of twine and a torsion bar, part of the genesis set I sell over on covertinstruments.com. Getting a click out of one, number two is binding...
Yes. The time to make that decision was before becoming a missile man, moreover the time to decide if nukes would fly happened before you got the order. Nothing is left but to carry out a decision already twice made
>Well? Do you turn your /k/ey?
What you talking about? I'm the one holding the gun telling you to turn the damn thing! I ain't even waiting for launch orders. Let em fly!
But ICBM launches are done by voting. If enough command bunkers in a missile field concur that a launch order and target selection is legitimate, all the missiles go even if some bunkers disagree or are too slow to confirm.
Realistically, only one crew will actually feel and see their missiles launch when they turn.
Its already turned dipshit. Its turned every day. You watch me every morning put the key in, turn it and leave it there until my shift is done. Christ, your autism is insufferable.
True story of a older guy i know. He's got a few good ones, but I'll share this one since it pertains to the subject.
Now before I green text this, I need to mention something. Missile control areas are frequently inspected, not only for maintenance, but for system function and tampering. Every so often, an independent (from the missile squadron) team comes in and they have weekly, monthly, yearly, etc. checks. Going over critical items and such. If anything is out of order, there is an inquiry and an overbearing investigation.
One of the things they check is the glass cover over the launch key hole. Make sure it's not cracked or hasn't been opened. The glass is there to keep someone from filling the hole with glue or something. Now for the story.
>be officer in minuteman missile control in the 80s >literally one of the guys that inputs the codes, flips switches, and turns the key >feet kicked up on the panel watching Gilligan's island >look up and realise the coffee mug is all the way at the top of the panel >God damnit >try to reach for it without getting up (possibly due to laziness) >grab mug >holstered M9 up there too and the belt from the holster catches on mug >pistol begins to fall, but gallant quick reaction takes over and the belt was grabbed in time >pistol saved from dropping, unfortunately, holstered pistol swings by the belt and smashes into key hole glass cover >look down at shattered glass and coffee on uniform >frick >call CO >"anon, are you fricking serious?" >CO calls it in >whole place shut down for a solid 13 days while inspection teams comb over everything with a fine tooth comb >everyone interrogated for possible sabotage >new rule in the rule book: please don't put shit ontop of the panel
Kek.
My dad was at one of the Titan II silos in the 80s. He had some interesting stories but this is my favorite: >chilling one Friday night in the tube >perimeter alarm goes off >motion detected outside the gate >anytime you're on watch and this happens, it's all hands on deck, go outside in full kit and find out what's going on >everyone freaks because nothing was seen on camera >head top side >start searching frantically >eventually find the culprit >it's a fricking jack rabbit >scoop it up with a duffle bag and toss it over the fence >everyone checks the fence, no holes >everyone laughs and goes about their business >20 minutes later another alarm >head back up >sure enough, it's another God damn rabbit >catch and release >30 minutes later another alarm >it's getting annoying now >go outside, find the rabbit, catch it, back over the fence >15 minutes later and another alarm >everyone is over it and just ignores it >2 more alarms, 2 more ignored rabbits >shift change time finally comes >first guy heads for top side >opens the door and a six guys in ghillie suits bust in and immediately tell everyone they've been killed and the silo is in Soviet hands now >come to find out the six guys were special forces tasked with trying to breach security to find weaknesses >they spent a few hours wrangling up jack rabbits to set off the alarm enough times to make everyone ignore it so they could get in position >it worked >ass chewings all around for the next two days
>opens the door and a six guys in ghillie suits bust in and immediately tell everyone they've been killed and the silo is in Soviet hands now
Question: I know it's unlikely to have happened, but what if they had assumed the guys there were actually enemies and the people inside had shot them?
As someone who knew a guy who did airport security testing, the standard procedure there is to immediately surrender if security notices you.
This rarely happened because the TSA fricking sucks, but the dogs were usually able to sniff the simulated bombs when they did that.
>But first, a word from our sponsor.
are you tired of shooting your missile silo colleagues because they're too scared to turn their key? why not try Simply Safe?
>Everyone keeps talking about the morality and significant weight missile commanders had to consider during the cold war.
Dude, I WISH that was my job. To sit in a room and wait for the president to give you a code to lanch nukes and pickos. I WISH that was my job.
>sitting in your HAM radio station inawoods >fooling around with the transmitter trying to find a atmosphere bounce signal >before you know it night has descended >you start to feel tired >thinking about firing up a jet stove for supper… >suddenly there’s a loud screech from the scanner!
"SKY BIRD THIS IS DROPKICK WITH A RED DASH ALPHA MESSAGE IN TWO PARTS!
\BREAK!// \BREAK!//"
What do you do /k/???
>do you turn your key?
If I turn the key and everyone else also turn their key it doesn't matter.
If I don't turn my key and everyone else turns their key it doesn't matter.
If I don't turn the key and no one else turns their keys the world is saved.
If I turn the key and no one else turns their key I've killed millions for nothing.
See, This is one of the few military jobs that only non-whites should be allowed to do. You give Black person some Kentucky fried chicken and some pussy, he'll damn the key without a moments hesitation. Hell, they could probably some sort of Black person hesitation sensor and if he doesn't comply a slot start depositing fried chicken and big booty white hoes until he can't handle and turns the key, Then after the worlds annhilated the Black person can reproduce with the big booty white hoe and feed his family with the fried chicken and repopulate the continent.
The movie depiction of a launch sequence is fairly accurate with some movie streamlining of course. Is there a fairly accurate movie launch depiction on Russian / Soviet strategic missile command? Did the Soviets do the whole 9 yards of double verification and key-turning?
My friend, my brother in Christ, if the nukes are going anywhere outside of U.S. soil, my key is already turned and then snapped off. Our enemies should fear the very mention of our name and our allies should always be reminded of why they are our allies and not our enemies.
Peace, through the liberal application of the biggest sword at hand.
How is this even a job? I'd just turn the key day 1, leave it turned, and never come back in. Meanwhile I keep collecting the paycheck. What are they going to say? They couldn't launch without me? I've just fully fulfilled my job duties in perpetuity. The key is, and will remain, turned.
And before you say it's not fair for the other guy who has to keep showing up in case he needs to turn his key, then too fricking bad. Not my fault he didn't think of it first.
WIll it cause a bridge of keys to "unlock" passage of the tawain strait so CHINA can invade?
Sure
Frick yeah!
He's bluffing, he needs someone else to turn the other key, he won't shoot ya.
In context the voice giving orders sounded weird and the other officer was calling to get confirmation. Turns out it was a fake order from a supercomputer.
This. The system is designed to be impossible for a single man to use.
You he turn the key either way, then why not shoot and kill a traitor?
Because if he kills you he can't fire the missile. The keys are spring loaded, out of mutual reach, and need to be turned simultaneously. The entire setup is so one man can not fire a missile.
call the recruitment office! We need to find the chosen one!
>defeats your two man interlock system
What now?
Not long enough and you don't have the right angle to turn the key.
Also, bringing one onto the base would count as subverting security measures and your CO would have your ass.
Not if he points a gun at me. My willingness to spite someone that threatens me and mine is much greater than my longing for end of times.
Yes and also if you turn your key he will never learn not to be rude to people because that is no way forward in life.
Yeah, that will just reinforce his bad behavior. Now he’s going to point a gun at someone anytime he wants something. Like a Black person.
Fricking shit does this shit hit way too close to home
>the gun lowers
>tears form in his eyes
>he holsters the gun
>he walks over to you
>he puts his hand on your shoulder
>"i...i'm sorry, sir"
>"it's a high stress situation and i just...i lost it for a moment"
>"you may be my co, but you're also my friend"
>"we can turn the keys or not, it's up to you"
>"you need to try and call someone for confirmation?"
>"well...i respect your needs. you make that fricking call."
>picks up the phone for you and starts dialing
>hands you the headset
>"whatever you decide, sir, i'm with you"
an excerpt from The Keys to Friendship, A Story of Love and Understanding During a Nuclear Holocaust
But.. Im not allowed to have keys.
Already did
What do you think I am, some sort of Saturday morning cartoon villain?
I turned my key 35 minutes ago
Thank you, Ozymandias. We shall reach that irradiated Garden of Eden soon
Unless you're Stretch Armstrong, you're just being a gay.
I always turn my key at the start of the watch, whats taking you so long?
Maybe
Who keeps making these threads?
I'm fukin ded
Find 1(one) attractive female in this picture
Don't you talk about my 31 wives like this ever again.
Back row, third from left. She’s got major dommy mommy energy
Either the first one pointing on the far left, or the one directly under the USAF flag. The rest are creatura.
Front row far left looks like she likes to drink and party, would probably ride your dick off.
those women can kick your ass, that's attractive.
>Hey Captain, it's just the two of us in the bunker and we've launched all our nukes
>It's up to us to repopulate post-wasteland America
Wat do
You know what they say, any port in a storm.
I gotta go get some cigarettes after though.
You mean
>Hey Captain, it's just the thirty two of us in the bunker
Thanks, I have a new fantasy now
Death by snoo snoo!
For England, James
It's over, the ayylmaos are among us.
>among us
among us
sus...
Would.
I’d feel kinda bad about if after, but I still would
Lol when I was in phase 1 at Pensacola we had dudes dropped for eczema, over sensitive teeth and all manner of minor shit because if it could potentially cause a loss of capability in the squadron or in the place. But Sally Shingles here gets a pass with all her mongoloid sisters.
This exact shit is why women in the military was an awful idea and will cost us a shit ton more lives than it already has
Thought it was some kind of tattoo up her neck
Bros what the frick is that on her neck.
Mark of the Beast
Don't worry about it.
She's a new variant of thin man.
That's a burn. chemical burn. I knew research in that C school stuff would be fun.
why do they wear flight suits?
Tradition
Who indeed
Its me bois
Is it done, Yuri?
No comrade premier. It has only begun.
Why didn't Jerry just turn the Key back?
Every silo complex has 2 command bunkers with 2 officers each. Only 2 of the 4 officers need to turn their keys.
How do you know this...?
That's not the only black pill.
The nukes can be launched without turning the keys.
Those men are stationed there as post duty to make sure the nuke and its supporting infrastructure are maintained.
A remote signal can launch them in unison.
That's not even close to how it works
>Do you turn your /k/ey?
Only if all the nukes are aimed on Israel
I refuse to turn my key back to the disarmed position.
Wait I thought our job was to make sure they're always kept turned. Makes it impossible to lose the keys, don't want them to fall in the wrong hands
>Well? Do you turn your /k/ey?
I'll be the one who has to point his gun at the other fella to turn his key.
NO, YOU TURN YOUR KEY, SIR!
Hi this is the lock-picking lawyer and today I'm going to show you how to pick a nuclear command station arming device with two paperclips, a roll of twine and a torsion bar, part of the genesis set I sell over on covertinstruments.com. Getting a click out of one, number two is binding...
Supposing that the missile launch system no longer uses keys like that, I'd love to see LPL actually crack a missile launch lock.
I want to watch him do it on the live system with Tel Aviv, New York and Los Angeles set as targets
fairly certain he already did one of those.
SIR ,IF YOU DON'T TURN YOUeR KEY ILL TURN MINE !
DO NOT REDEEM THE KEY SIR
*Fingers crossed the giant floppy discs boot up*
Yes. The time to make that decision was before becoming a missile man, moreover the time to decide if nukes would fly happened before you got the order. Nothing is left but to carry out a decision already twice made
Have you seen the movie? Your reasoning is wrong ya mindless order-following automaton
It doesn't matter at all if you turn the key. You are dead now or dead in a few minutes.
If I were ever given keys for super-weapons I would immediately grind them to make them non-functioning and promptly forget about it.
Look tough guy, enough with the games either shoot me or sit down and shut up
>Well? Do you turn your /k/ey?
What you talking about? I'm the one holding the gun telling you to turn the damn thing! I ain't even waiting for launch orders. Let em fly!
Hell yeah, i love killing people
no because i don't want to end humanity over being a sore loser in a simulated war.
Thought you would never ask.
I'm the one holding the gun, so obviously.
Jerry, we have to open the silo doors
oka- AW FRICK
Commence Seinfeld noises followed by laugh track.
Turn your key sir IF YOU PLEASE, you mean.
Yes.
But ICBM launches are done by voting. If enough command bunkers in a missile field concur that a launch order and target selection is legitimate, all the missiles go even if some bunkers disagree or are too slow to confirm.
Realistically, only one crew will actually feel and see their missiles launch when they turn.
GIVE ME THE FRICKING KEYS YOU wienerSUCKA MOTHA FRICKAHAHLALALAHAH
BTW here’s the scene;
Only if I get to nuke russia, china and israel with the full might of the US nuclear arsenal
Cringiest image ever posted on /k/
Its already turned dipshit. Its turned every day. You watch me every morning put the key in, turn it and leave it there until my shift is done. Christ, your autism is insufferable.
yes
True story of a older guy i know. He's got a few good ones, but I'll share this one since it pertains to the subject.
Now before I green text this, I need to mention something. Missile control areas are frequently inspected, not only for maintenance, but for system function and tampering. Every so often, an independent (from the missile squadron) team comes in and they have weekly, monthly, yearly, etc. checks. Going over critical items and such. If anything is out of order, there is an inquiry and an overbearing investigation.
One of the things they check is the glass cover over the launch key hole. Make sure it's not cracked or hasn't been opened. The glass is there to keep someone from filling the hole with glue or something. Now for the story.
>be officer in minuteman missile control in the 80s
>literally one of the guys that inputs the codes, flips switches, and turns the key
>feet kicked up on the panel watching Gilligan's island
>look up and realise the coffee mug is all the way at the top of the panel
>God damnit
>try to reach for it without getting up (possibly due to laziness)
>grab mug
>holstered M9 up there too and the belt from the holster catches on mug
>pistol begins to fall, but gallant quick reaction takes over and the belt was grabbed in time
>pistol saved from dropping, unfortunately, holstered pistol swings by the belt and smashes into key hole glass cover
>look down at shattered glass and coffee on uniform
>frick
>call CO
>"anon, are you fricking serious?"
>CO calls it in
>whole place shut down for a solid 13 days while inspection teams comb over everything with a fine tooth comb
>everyone interrogated for possible sabotage
>new rule in the rule book: please don't put shit ontop of the panel
Kek.
My dad was at one of the Titan II silos in the 80s. He had some interesting stories but this is my favorite:
>chilling one Friday night in the tube
>perimeter alarm goes off
>motion detected outside the gate
>anytime you're on watch and this happens, it's all hands on deck, go outside in full kit and find out what's going on
>everyone freaks because nothing was seen on camera
>head top side
>start searching frantically
>eventually find the culprit
>it's a fricking jack rabbit
>scoop it up with a duffle bag and toss it over the fence
>everyone checks the fence, no holes
>everyone laughs and goes about their business
>20 minutes later another alarm
>head back up
>sure enough, it's another God damn rabbit
>catch and release
>30 minutes later another alarm
>it's getting annoying now
>go outside, find the rabbit, catch it, back over the fence
>15 minutes later and another alarm
>everyone is over it and just ignores it
>2 more alarms, 2 more ignored rabbits
>shift change time finally comes
>first guy heads for top side
>opens the door and a six guys in ghillie suits bust in and immediately tell everyone they've been killed and the silo is in Soviet hands now
>come to find out the six guys were special forces tasked with trying to breach security to find weaknesses
>they spent a few hours wrangling up jack rabbits to set off the alarm enough times to make everyone ignore it so they could get in position
>it worked
>ass chewings all around for the next two days
>opens the door and a six guys in ghillie suits bust in and immediately tell everyone they've been killed and the silo is in Soviet hands now
Question: I know it's unlikely to have happened, but what if they had assumed the guys there were actually enemies and the people inside had shot them?
As someone who knew a guy who did airport security testing, the standard procedure there is to immediately surrender if security notices you.
This rarely happened because the TSA fricking sucks, but the dogs were usually able to sniff the simulated bombs when they did that.
>catches rabbit at regular interval
your dad was a liar, boi
That's what snares are for.
Now greentext the Russian version
Terrifying, right?
Alright. I'll turn it. But first, a word from our sponsor.
Raid Shadow Legends is back with a new update! If you use my download code you'll get access to a new hero Captain Fallout, and...
>But first, a word from our sponsor.
are you tired of shooting your missile silo colleagues because they're too scared to turn their key? why not try Simply Safe?
Never.
And if I was in a jet plane, I’d crash it into the missile regardless of my opponent.
Cities off innocent people!
If I was ever a hero or anything good in my life?! Who wouldn’t!
What a homosexual. The opportunity of a new age, and a great lesson/punishment, for mankind to experience, and you have to make that choice.
What is it with you guys and wanting punishment so much?
reptilian spotted
I TURNED MYSELF INTO A KEY SIR
I'M israeli RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK
>/k/ope
>/k/eddit
>/k/ey
>/k/uck
what is it with shills and newbies putting /k/ in every word?
newfa/k/s
>Everyone keeps talking about the morality and significant weight missile commanders had to consider during the cold war.
Dude, I WISH that was my job. To sit in a room and wait for the president to give you a code to lanch nukes and pickos. I WISH that was my job.
>sitting in your HAM radio station inawoods
>fooling around with the transmitter trying to find a atmosphere bounce signal
>before you know it night has descended
>you start to feel tired
>thinking about firing up a jet stove for supper…
>suddenly there’s a loud screech from the scanner!
"SKY BIRD THIS IS DROPKICK WITH A RED DASH ALPHA MESSAGE IN TWO PARTS!
\BREAK!// \BREAK!//"
What do you do /k/???
Tap twice and shut off the radio.
Just to let them know they're on an open frequency.
standby to authenticate code i guess
Maybe it's because I'm just so far removed from this situation happening to me, but I feel pretty neutral to turning the key.
I already turned mine, what is he waiting for?
I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart.
>"not till you change the flight path to Tel Aviv"
>do you turn your key?
If I turn the key and everyone else also turn their key it doesn't matter.
If I don't turn my key and everyone else turns their key it doesn't matter.
If I don't turn the key and no one else turns their keys the world is saved.
If I turn the key and no one else turns their key I've killed millions for nothing.
Can I turn all the keys?
See, This is one of the few military jobs that only non-whites should be allowed to do. You give Black person some Kentucky fried chicken and some pussy, he'll damn the key without a moments hesitation. Hell, they could probably some sort of Black person hesitation sensor and if he doesn't comply a slot start depositing fried chicken and big booty white hoes until he can't handle and turns the key, Then after the worlds annhilated the Black person can reproduce with the big booty white hoe and feed his family with the fried chicken and repopulate the continent.
>incel mouthbreather can't stop talking about how red his neck is.
Get over it.
>trusting Black folk with control of a nuke
It’s already turned hurry up.
The movie depiction of a launch sequence is fairly accurate with some movie streamlining of course. Is there a fairly accurate movie launch depiction on Russian / Soviet strategic missile command? Did the Soviets do the whole 9 yards of double verification and key-turning?
I don't know but what if the order itself was
>a signal whoopsie daisy
>from an impersonator/shapeshifter
>from a possessed trammy
My friend, my brother in Christ, if the nukes are going anywhere outside of U.S. soil, my key is already turned and then snapped off. Our enemies should fear the very mention of our name and our allies should always be reminded of why they are our allies and not our enemies.
Peace, through the liberal application of the biggest sword at hand.
>turn your key ma'am
*tyrns
>no your other right
Nope. He can shoot me I guess, I'll be vindicated in heaven.
Not likely
How is this even a job? I'd just turn the key day 1, leave it turned, and never come back in. Meanwhile I keep collecting the paycheck. What are they going to say? They couldn't launch without me? I've just fully fulfilled my job duties in perpetuity. The key is, and will remain, turned.
And before you say it's not fair for the other guy who has to keep showing up in case he needs to turn his key, then too fricking bad. Not my fault he didn't think of it first.
Yea yeah ftw post [attach satanic chad glow meme].
How original.
Did you not turn yours already?
I swear to Christ, if thing's broken I'm gonna be absolutely livid.