Tank Stuck, Wat Do?

It seems the dastardly hohols have removed all of the water from the pool to be turned into chlorine gas and hydrogen bombs to kill Donbass orphans with, so when brave Sasha went to conduct an amphibious assault on their positions, he got stuck in the pool!

After bravely an-heroing himself by holding his breath and jamming his head into a massive pile of HATO Mutant Super Soldier waste, Sasha has successfully prevented the capture of the tank and has been posthumously awarded the Hero of Russia medal by Pringles himself in the Russian version of hell, which is indistinguishable from the real thing which feels the occupants with ennui, déjà vu and other emotions invented by the French.

But now, tank is stuck!

Wat do /k/?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    airlift

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Here's the translation of the Telegram Post.
    It sounds like the plot of a black comedy film.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Yes, I won't indicate the side to which the tank belonged. Because it is descrediting.
      Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2024/01/31/russian-lawmakers-pass-bill-allowing-property-seizure-from-war-critics-a83926
        >Russian lawmakers on Wednesday passed a bill in its third and final reading that would allow authorities to confiscate the property of those convicted of “discrediting” and spreading “fakes” about the army.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I feel the new standard operating procedure is going to be:

          >Record embarrassing shit
          >Upload it all before an attack
          >If you die, then they can't legally kill you because you are already dead
          >If you live, you are at the front of the frontline which means they won't come for you and will probably forget about it when the next wave does the same thing

          Really, it's a win-win situation for the uploader here.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >be russian soldier
          >make a video about life in the front
          >government uses it as an excuse to steal yours and properties of your family back home
          >die in the next meatwave assault
          grim

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >be russian soldier
            thats already grim

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >Be Russian
              Grim.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Russia
                Grim

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Be
                Grim.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Is this a sign that Putin's getting scared of public opinion turning against the war, or is it just theater?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Püt's been scared of the public for decades, this is just nostalgic note about how cool the soviet union is

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Putin was always scared about public opinion on the war, they stopped doing celebrations of dead ww2 soldiers before big parade because they were afraid of how many people will come out with images of their dead family members who died fighting in Ukraine

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >they stopped doing celebrations of dead ww2 soldiers before big parade

              No fricking way they stopped doing the Immortal Regiment thing, that was like a religious event for RusBlack folk.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >No respect of personal property
          >C*mmunism strikes again

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            for nearly 2 years now I've been astounded that the order went out to mark their vehicles with a "Z" and the lead riddled fricks in this particular tank come up with a 12 foot wide splotch of paint that looks like cousin Donny with downs syndrome was allowed to try out a paint roller.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I love how they just don't give a frick anymore, it's like
      >sure kill me for speaking truth, ot's not like I'm going to survive this anyway

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >the crew did not have a photo map
      >there was no infantry to warn them
      It's like playing RTS game. You click on tank, and you click on destination, but you are extremely short sighted and you forgot to put glasses on.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        just send them into the fog of war, if something's there the doomstack will clear it up

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >There's no one there, go an occupy it!
      This explains so much of zigger tactics.

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    how do you translate austin powers into russian?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Austin doesn't really say anything in the scene, so you could just photoshop a ushanka onto him and dub the sound of Russian CS players over the top of it.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The phantom
    Exterior like fish eggs
    Interior like suicide wrist-red
    I can exercise you
    I can be your physed
    cheat on you man that's how yo-

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      TANK STUCK

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      TANK STUCK

      >PLEASE
      >I BEG YOU
      >JAVELIN

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        YOU'RE A GENUINE DICK SUCKER

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      TANK STUCK

      [...]
      >PLEASE
      >I BEG YOU
      >JAVELIN

      V nice

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Is the crane-operating major general still alive or died on snake island? This looks just a like job for him

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous
    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Her consciousness isn't the only thing that's going to be expanding.

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous
    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Fricking hell anon.

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Perfectly demonstrates why the "small", often overlooked things like good situational awareness or good ergonomics for the crew can be just as important as having thick armor or a big gun. A lesson the Soviet/Russian tank designers never learned.

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Fits like wiener in arse

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    recovering it honestly wouldn't be too bad if the ground wasn't frozen, just dig a ramp out in front of it, may have to wait until spring unless they can get an excavator over there though.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >in front of it
      in front of it is the edge of the pools, same with behind it, if the tank was at a 90deg angle sure but i'm not sure how you'd get the tank out of where it is.

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    lift it up with a crane

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There is only one course of action.

    >OH GOD I'M ABANDOONING HURGAAAAAAAAAAAH

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >It seems the dastardly hohols have removed all of the water from the pool to be turned into chlorine gas and hydrogen bombs to kill Donbass orphans with
    Based hohols, always improvising new ways of TZD

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    TANK STUCK! TANK STUCK!

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    TANK STUCK
    TANK STUCK
    PLEASE I BEG YOU

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