Surovikin - A Mini Biography

I'm betting most of you don't know the full story on this guy. It's much worse than you can even imagine.... Read on:

>Be commanding officer of a unit that orders his troops to fire on civilians protesters during the 1993 Constitutional Crisis, killing a dozen people.
>Goes to prison
>Gets snagged from prison by Yeltsin's crew and sent to command units in Chechenia 1.0 where he beats a lower ranked officer with a rod or chair leg so viciously the man is handicapped for life.
>Chechen War 2.0: Surovikin is charged with strangling a Chechen civilian woman to death and also accused of raping her (he stands trial at some point). The regiment under his command is notorious for various atrocities and crimes, to the point other commanders in the field are writing complaints to military prosecutor's office in Moscow.
>Ostracized by peers, no one wants to work with him or under him.
>As a result of all this, his charges are wiped clean, his prison sentence erased and Surovikin gets promoted by Putin. These are all attributes of a good military officer in Puccia, after all!
>Continues:

  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Shortly following the 2nd Chechen War, around 2001-2002, Surovikin's logistics officer, according to the formal report "shot himself, with the sidearm of Surovikin's adjutant, in the presence of both men"...
    >What's likely here is the logistics officer either caught on to the mass theft or embezzlement of military resources or didn't want to sign off on some questionable dealings and was shot in the face.
    >MEANWHILE, Surovikin's wife becomes the 2nd wealthiest woman in Russia, with a net worth of somewhere around 200 million dollars which in early 2000s Russia is industrial Oligarch-tier money. Maybe she was just good at day trading or sold picked foraged mushrooms on the side?
    >Surovikin continues his upward stellar trajectory in the Russian military.
    >Ends up in Syria, quickly earns nickname "Butcher of Syria" because he approves of torture of captured militants
    >Now overall commander of Russian forces

    Good news is that he's worthless as an actual strategist or regimental commander because he has not distinguished himself militarily in any way. Just another colourful character from Putin's cabal: a corrupt thug, literal murderer etc.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Sounds like this war is the perfect way to get rid of a problematic goon.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      In a normal country he would sit in a prison or mental asylum.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Doesn't sound unusual to me.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        This is immediately the first dude I thought of when I read OP's greentext.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Dirlewanger was actually an accomplished commander and a libertarian intellectual. He got his PhD with the publication “Critique of the idea of a planned management of the economy."
        Alcohol and being a pedo kinda put him into disgrace.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Alcohol and being a pedo
          >Libertarian
          Pottery

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Said "critique" ends by essentially saying
            >but the best economy is centrally planned so long as it's le arian!

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Christ he reminds me of that one retard from the American-Filipino War that was responsible for one of the worst massacres in US military history, man had a list of red flags a mile long and should've been kicked out or at least put somewhere he couldn't do harm years ago.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      this dossier reads like a 2bit villain crony from a classic bond film

      reckon he's dropped in the ravenous man eating piranha moat

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It doesn't help that he looks like (a fat and ugly) Ernst Stavro Blofeld and acts like an actually evil Dr. Evil.

        I'm sure there's a lake of fire waiting for him.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Beast Rabban

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Harkonnens are based on Imperial Russian court. Fremen are Chechen rebels, but also Ukrainian cossacks. Sietch = Cичь, Tabr = тaбop.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          10 years later if Hollywood ever decides to make a movie with Surovikin as the chief antagonist I'd vote for Batista to play him. Dude is actually a very good actor and if the universe was perfect would be swimming in Rock level of money.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Honestly, it is probably good for Ukraine that a retarded, corrupt, piece of shit that his own army despises is the one in charge.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It's not like they haven't tried putting someone competent in charge before. Gerasimov did everything his own doctrine tells you not to do, it's hilarious.

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sit down, OP, let me tell you about the tale of an American general that killed millions of PoWs by refusing to give them food he had available.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Not relevant to THIS war and neither is morality. What is relevant is the general's ability or lack thereof.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >buh whatabout
      Like clockwork.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      WUDDDDDDDDABOUT
      >BUT WHAT ABOUT

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      when did the US ever have millions of PoWs

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Black people and LGBTQ are basically POWs in this society

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Oh. You tried.
          Here's your dopamine hit.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Ok, go on, can I see it? The story?

        They lynch Black folks in America.

        he probably means eisenhower and the rhine meadows camps where they starved the germans.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Eisenhower

          Literally the most gigachad president and military leader in the history of the United States. If based Ike thought those kraut bastards needed to get buried who am I to disagree?

          Incidentally it's interesting that a russian shilltard would bring up treatment of POWs, look at how they treated the Germans... or Polish. Or hell, their own veterans. Look up Samovar people on google.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Ok, go on, can I see it? The story?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      And here we go. Every fucking time.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      They lynch Black folks in America.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Uhhh I'M about TO WHATABOUUUUUUUT

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sounds like this trash is only in charge because his wife is rich as fuck. Typical corruption.

    Valeriy will crush this fuckface.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >because his wife is rich as fuck
      his wife is rich as fuck because profits from all his shady schemes is put on her name
      from the recent - apparently he specifically "liberated" some mining facilities in Syria that his friend oligarch asked him for, than he recieved payment by "investments" to a sawmill his wife "owns"

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Girlboss and Malewife

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Now for Valeriy, his Ukrainian counterpart (i.e commander of all)

    In 1989, he graduated from the city school No. 9 and entered the Novohrad-Volynskyi Machine-Building Technical School, from which he graduated in 1991 with honors.

    He later entered the general military faculty of the Odessa Institute of Land Forces. In 1997 he graduated with honors from the institute, after which he passed all stages of military service: platoon commander, training platoon commander, combat platoon commander, training company commander, cadet company commander, battalion commander.

    In 2005 he entered the National Academy of Defense of Ukraine. In 2007 he graduated with a gold medal, was appointed Chief of Staff and First Deputy Commander of the 24th Separate Mechanized Brigade in Yavoriv, Lviv Oblast. He successfully served in this position for two and a half years.[5]

    By the decision of the Chief of the General Staff of the Armed Forces of Ukraine on 13 October 2009, he was appointed commander of the 51st separate mechanized brigade. He commanded it until 2012.[6]

    In 2014 he graduated from the Ivan Cherniakhovskyi National Defense University of Ukraine. As the best graduate of the operational and strategic level of training, he was awarded the Transitional Sword of the Queen of Great Britain[clarification needed].[7]

    In 2017 he was appointed Chief of Staff – First Deputy Commander of the Operational Command West.[8]

    In 2018 he was appointed Chief of the Joint Operational Staff of the Armed Forces of Ukraine – First Deputy Commander of the Joint Forces.[9]

    On December 9, 2019, he was appointed Commander of the Operational Command North.[10]

    In December 2020 he graduated from the National University Ostroh Academy with a master's degree in International Relations.

    On July 27, 2021, President of Ukraine Volodymyr Zelenskyy appointed Zaluzhnyi Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of Ukraine.[11][12][13]

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Seriously, if Putin thinks Surovikin is even close to Valeriy's equal, he can think again. Surovikin is literally a street punk in military attire.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Transitional Sword of the Queen of Great Britain
      >Transitional
      >Queen
      >Great Britain
      all gay stuff
      globohomo confirmed

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Russia has a clown leading its military. Ukraine has a real soldier.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Ukraine has a real soldier.

          Well, he was totally untested prior to 2022. So you could say he was mostly an academic and theoretician.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            What brilliant moves has Russia's new leader made again, besides terror-bombing and evacuating Kherson?

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              I'm the OP moron. Where did you see me praise Surovikin? Get that ukrainian cock out of your mouth.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                You said something that could be interpreted in a negative way about Glorius Ukraine you fucking vatmoron. Putin is literally Hitler, Ukraine has never done anything morally or tactically wrong, and don’t you forget it you stupid piece of shit.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Glorius Ukraine

                Corrupt, semi-Russian shithole whose only use right now is soaking up Vatnik corpses on its soil.

                Beyond that, and after their military purpose is expired, their only use is as a market for Polish goods and contractors (for reconstruction), and of course we can't forget their whores are cheaper than prostitutes in Poland.

                Beyond that, fuck ukraine. And wipe that cum when you're finished with that cock.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >semi-Russian
                So not fully Russian. Then there's still hope for them.
                Imagine trying to shit on literally any country in the world while defending Russia's dystopian shitpit of AIDS and dedovshchina. Imagine the complete mental degradation needed to even attempt this.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >defending Russia

                Are you confused? Who defended Russia here? Fuck off brainlet, not wasting time on you.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >brainlet
                Oh I know where you're visiting from. "Le both sides" translates directly to defending those Russian subhumans. Go be a useful idiot back on your daycare board.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                easy tough guy!

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Polack thinking he's hot shit
                Those toilets don't clean themselves

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >actual underage posters
                The absolute state of PrepHole...

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Two clowns, don't forget the power tool enthusiast.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >gay stuff
        Like raping your conscripts into shape. Oh wait, that's Russia.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It's the ones that finish at the bottom of their class that history remembers

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The only thing people remember Custer by is for being a proto-Dirlewanger and being wiped the fuck out by speedy Injuns on horseback with lever guns.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Shouldn't that be Grant tho?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          No. Grant was a fairly impressive man, military leader, and President. Do a little reading up on his bio and accomplishments. There's been an idiotic smear campaign by morons with an agenda to slime him and make him look bad. People will regularly place him on the 10 Worst Presidents list, without knowing anything other than his name and that he commanded the Union during the Civil War before becoming President. He was all of that and a Hell of a lot more.

          He is easily in the top half of all presidents, and there are strong arguments to rank him fairly high, probably in the top 20 but not the top 10. His presidency accomplished a lot during his terms, but it was a long period of rebuilding and healing so nobody gives him credit for being one of the most competent Presidents the U.S. ever had, even though he was. His terms are just not marked by anything particularly exciting or flashy high profile. He just did his duty and worked, something many Americans have little familiarity with.

          Historians who pay attention to the details of American presidents regularly place Grant as one of the most underrated leaders the U.S. ever had. Possibly THE most underrated.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I know a dude who is related to Grant but is pissed about it and gets annoyed if you bring it up. We’re from fucking NJ too, absolutely insane.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It's also incredibly important to note that Valeriy is NOT acting alone. Most likely situation is that the entire NATO general staff is actively monitoring the situation with near omniscient intelligence for both the Ukrainian and Russian sides, and giving constant consultations on the best courses of action. Not to mention the fact that AI is used to give information about unusual troop movements and the location of commanding officers. Russian high command is so outmatched it's fucking unreal.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >AI
        Yep, goes basically unmentioned, but AI is absolutely fucking Russia strategically

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Is this AI in the room with us right now?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            AI being used for detecting possible offensives that humans may miss is one of the most basic applications of rudimentary AI there is. If you gave a human a 10,000 page spreadsheet on troop concentrations, location of commanding officers, artillery strikes and truck collums, it'd be incredibly hard to near impossible to extract any sort of useful information from that. However this kinda thing is exactly what AI is built for. It's simple technology.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Technology I doubt the Russians use, lol. They probably still use sheets of papers and slide rulers.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                It's probably explained by the difference between the NATO and Russian mindset. NATO had always sought for an army as dynamic as possible, capable of adapting entirely new technologies and doctrines as quick as they come, as they can't afford to lose men at the same rate as their adversaries. Russia operates on "if it ain't broke don't fix it" mindset, while missing the point that just because something isn't exploding the moment you turn it on it doesn't mean it shouldn't be replaced. There are hundreds of aspects of the Russian army that anyone with an inkling of an idea in militaries of any sort can point out as a bad idea, yet the apathy to fix it (also exacerbated by corruption) is just so strong.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Having directly dealt with some of the software NATO uses in the field this seems hard to believe lol. Those things were complex monstrosities and not exactly up to speed with current technologies. It's been 4 years since then but still. Doubt they are any easier to handle. Maybe the Americans have some fancy toy like that tho.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                The advantage of streamlined systems (provided they are made competently) is that they're less likely to break than something excessively fancy. Less "moving parts" means less can break.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I'll give you an example. Some older computers I've had have lasted much longer than newer ones, for whatever reason. The newer ones weren't as well-made.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Durable inferiority remains inferior. The US has been quite good at keeping systems functioning thanks to our technicians. It takes several years for an avionics tech or engine troop to get good (I was both).

                One cannot get round lack of experience because there is so much more to complex systems than what's written in the tech orders though US tech data IME has been consistently excellent. True military systems aren't consumer crap though quality COTS systems are used often as appropriate. If home PCs were built like flight control computers (which have very simple components for EMP resistance and to meet other ruggedness specs) few could afford them.

                Russia lacks that sort of depth except likely at their factories and those guys won't want to die for nothing at the front. The complex ballet that is modern war relies on a shitload of trained humans without which the hardware grinds to a halt.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                That's funny since the newer computers I have seem to causing me less problems than the old ones. They also have some safety features that the old ones just don't. So I feel more confident pushing the newer ones to their limits.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                You're not wrong but bear in mind this is a relative thing. While NATO is running some software that is 5-10 years out of date, Russia is using targeting pods from Desert Storm and fucking T-62s.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                They favor systems like that and rely on tables and other written directions rather than skill or experience or training they lack. However thanks to vranyo their data is bullshit which means garbage in garbage out.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                based Perun watcher

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Perun just brings what we all know down to the masses.
                His military presentations are fun, but inconsequential to PrepHole posters. Perhaps they save us a bit of time because we can just direct our normie friends at his channel.
                The Dominions videos are where he covers an actually complex and impenetrable subject matter.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                link pls

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm reading the culture novels and the sheer technological disparity is reminding me of how the culture uses it's sheer technological advantage to interfere with lesser civilizations.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Iam pro ukrainian, but from your post it looks like until 2022 Zaluzhnyi did nothing interesting, except being appointed as this or that. Is he really a bland career staff guy spending whole life watching maps and excel tables? Or did he seen some action? Surovikin looks like gangster, you cant say that he wasnt around hot zones. Of course Russian perfromance so far is extremely diasppointing and his presence didnt change that, arguably couldnt, due to institutional weakness, wasted time, Ukrainian prowess and Western expertise, training and logistics behind them. But come on, breath some life in Valery, we need General Potato to have more colorful personality in order to match menacing Vatnik Var Kriminal.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Not that anon but unfortunately Zaluzhnyi hasn't lead a wacky life of adventure. He wanted to be a soldier since he was boy, because he came from a military family, hence his straightforward career. He saw some action in Donbass all the way back in 2014, but the Ukies were outgunned and outnumbered at the time and lost the battle in which Zaluzhnyi participated.

        What makes him stand out is his openmindedness and empathy for the rank and file of the Ukrainian army. Zaluzhnyi was the guy who decided that the Ukrainian army should abandon Soviet military standards and adopt NATO standards instead. He's basically "just" the best out of a new generation of officers who started their service after the fall of the USSR, weren't bogged down by its legacy and aimed to radically reform the military in the face of the challenges posed by Russia. By a stroke of good luck he actually got into the driver's seat and pulled it off. It can't be helped that he's going to be more boring than a psycho thug who shoots disobedient underlings in the face and gets off scott-free.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          You do sort of what a decent amount of younger officers coming up through the ranks because it brings with them contemporary ideas and the newer approaches to particularly technology and its applications. Experience counts for a lot as well but if you're not up on the bleeding edge of both the current systems in your military, what the doctrine given to you dictates in things like manpower, materials and equipment- you're going to struggle to make much of an impact. Especially if your enemy is pretty smart and you can't assume anything that they're at least competent until proven otherwise, same for your own forces... otherwise you get 40km convoys of shit lying around useless with ineffective command and control

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Saw action in donbass and spearheaded western style military reforms. His thesis is translated out there its an interesting read. Zaluzhnyi's value is that isn't corrupt, inept, and is willing to let the men under him lead to their abilities. Basically, Zelenskkiy lucked out.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        How many wars did Ukraine fight while he was working for it? It looks like a target impressive peace time military career, though of course the career is only as good as the military underneath it.

        At the very least he appears to have accrued relevant experience, study, and training, and be vaguely (possibly even very) qualified for the job he has acquired.

        Tracksuit thug above has combat experience, but I'm not sure we have any indication of how much he learned from it.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          8 years of insurgency in Donbass were most important in Ukrainian military's swift improvement. Zaluzhni has no particularly impressive adventures during this period, but like almost every Ukrainian CO, he has quite a bit of experience from there. IIRC, Ukies made sure most of their military/intelligence leadership went through Donbass - even the analyst/talking head Arestovych spent at least a year on the frontlines.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          He commanded for eight years on Donbass and climbed rank through successes under his command. There's likely no commander in Europe with more actual experience than him

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's too bad Russia has gotten better at protecting staff officers. Imagine if they were able to nab this guy, how many interesting things he'd have to say before the torture caused him to die or lose his mind and be unable to answer further questions?

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    He looks like the guy in highschool who had serial killer trading cards.

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    He killed civilians in 1991, not 1993.
    You had literally one job OP.

    Similarly, you missed that:
    >it was actually well-known he was selling military surplus, not just suspected
    >he made terrible blunders in Chechnya, taking ridiculous losses to barely armed militias and killing more civilians than enemy combatants
    >the 1991 was a coup orchestrated by the KGB, Putin is just a continuation of the same

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Ah confused the 1993 crisis with the 1991 crisis.

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Typical vatnik thug. The more brutal and thieving= more stronk and efficient in their gulag camp mentality. Entire soviet horde consisted of freaks like this, including glorious WW2, and then it is still dismissed as just russophobia when east euros keep warning about the beast of the east.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There was a case when the BTR caught fire and he drove to the nearest pond to jump into it and put out the vehicle

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Ostracized by peers, no one wants to work with him or under him.
    >As a result of all this, his charges are wiped clean, his prison sentence erased and Surovikin gets promoted by Putin. These are all attributes of a good military officer in Puccia, after all!
    it's because it means he's totally dependent on putin and his clique for power and legitimacy, no risk of him forming his own faction or throwing in with someone else's.

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    He was the one to finally make NATO desperate enough to bomb loland as a false flag

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Tell Gazprom to sell our stocks, but slowly, you don't know how much this endeavor has cost me
    >I have one requirement: Donbas
    >And the Ukrainians?
    >Kill them, kill them all

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    So you're trying to make people scared of this incompetent clown, is that right?
    Why are Russians so pathetic and transparent?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      If you find petty corruption and criminality impressive, what does that tell us about your personality?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        If you resort to straw man arguments at the faintest hint of resistance, what does that tell us about your level of education and capacity for rational thought?

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Ukraine just recently hired this dude as their head of ministry of energy

  16. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    sounds like the Russian army needs a purge after he fails a bit more

  17. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Really hope the Ukrainians capture him alive.

  18. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    test

  19. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    interesting

  20. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You missed the part where he joined the 91 soviet coup attempt

  21. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Gets snagged from prison by Yeltsin's crew and sent to command units in Chechenia 1.0 where he beats a lower ranked officer with a rod or chair leg so viciously the man is handicapped for life.
    cool actually
    >Chechen War 2.0: Surovikin is charged with strangling a Chechen civilian woman to death and also accused of raping her (he stands trial at some point). The regiment under his command is notorious for various atrocities and crimes, to the point other commanders in the field are writing complaints to military prosecutor's office in Moscow.
    chechens aren't human so who cares
    >Ostracized by peers, no one wants to work with him or under him.
    in the russian military this is a good thing
    >Shortly following the 2nd Chechen War, around 2001-2002, Surovikin's logistics officer, according to the formal report "shot himself, with the sidearm of Surovikin's adjutant, in the presence of both men"..
    probably withholding supplies or something see above
    >MEANWHILE, Surovikin's wife becomes the 2nd wealthiest woman in Russia, with a net worth of somewhere around 200 million dollars
    i thought the west were feminists? good for her.
    >Ends up in Syria, quickly earns nickname "Butcher of Syria" because he approves of torture of captured militants
    the syrian militants of al nusra and isis. oh the horror!

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