>Cariba piranha inhabit Venezuela's basins and rivers. According to Piranha-Info, local cattle farmers have dubbed them "capaburro," which means "donkey castrator."
The dreaded candiru, a naughty little fish with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra to feed on the damaged tissue of the pitiful mass of flesh you once called your penis
The dreaded candiru, a naughty little fish with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra to feed on the damaged tissue of the pitiful mass of flesh you once called your penis
That's largely an urban legend, although the fish has been found lodged inside people it's usually women's veganas
Unless you live near the equator (and the trees there do not look equatorial) neither, they're not very temperature variation tolerant. You're better off having a bunch of men with guns instead. The moat will slow up attackers, then you can shoot them.
Maybe nowadays autonomous underwater vehicles could be a good choice though.
Assuming your moat is in a warm enough region for either, you don't need to worry about a piranha getting hungry and going for a walk to eat one of your sheep/chickens/small children in the village.
Plus I'm pretty sure people in the Amazon catch and eat Piranha fairly often, if your moat has a sustainable population of them, or even better, if it's literally part of the Amazon River, your moat is now pulling double duty as a food source and defensive measure.
If they are in a position to cut holes in the fence around my moat they have probably completed their circumvallation and contravallation. Thus they are now trapped inside of walls of their own making with my roided up rape gators. Old crocs and gators can get such thick hides that rifle rounds can't penetrate them.
https://wiki.froth.zone/wiki/Gustave_(crocodile)?lang=en
>piranhas
That “stripping a cow in seconds” myth was just a guide fricking with Teddy Roosevelt. They aren’t dangerous, at least not like how cartoons portray them. >alligators
Swamp puppies, not aggressive enough. Much as I love gades you’re better off with crocodiles. Although either will scare most people away.
I’d go with alligators. Having spent my whole life in a southern bayou ecosystem, I know very well how massively big, fast and scary alligators are. They can be as still as a statue, and in a second can be charging at you faster than you can even react. Their jaws are too powerful for most other animals, including humans to escape from. Once you’re in their teeth and they start their death roll, your bones will be broken and you’ll be ripped apart and drowned. Unlike with piranhas, body armor will most likely not help you when facing an alligator because of their jaw strength. There’s a reason alligators and crocodiles have been around for so long, they’re true apex predators. >pic unrelated, a cool fish
Having spent my whole life in a southern Florida ecosystem, alligators aren't nearly aggressive enough. Since 1948, 30 people have been killed by gators here. Fricking 30. That's practically zero. They don't even want to frick with people and swim away. You'd have to be actively harassing one, or caught a homie on a hungry day. People raft and float on inner tubes in alligator infested water, and all FL water is alligator infested, all over the state and nothing happens.
Even crocs don't really frick with people. There was like 2 recorded bites here ever. Now sure if we're talking about how gnarly they CAN be once they decide to attack, they're vicious. But WILL they attack? Likely not. Will they deter morons who think they're swimming killing machines? Maybe.
I’d go with alligators. Having spent my whole life in a southern bayou ecosystem, I know very well how massively big, fast and scary alligators are. They can be as still as a statue, and in a second can be charging at you faster than you can even react. Their jaws are too powerful for most other animals, including humans to escape from. Once you’re in their teeth and they start their death roll, your bones will be broken and you’ll be ripped apart and drowned. Unlike with piranhas, body armor will most likely not help you when facing an alligator because of their jaw strength. There’s a reason alligators and crocodiles have been around for so long, they’re true apex predators. >pic unrelated, a cool fish
so could chemicals be added to the water, preferably at a moments notice, to cause the gators to go into a frenzy? Maybe the scent of a favored prey or mating season pheromones?
Sharks with laser beams attached to their heads or sea bass.
Piranha aren’t actually dangerous, and to keep a number of alligators or crocodiles sufficient to deter intruders from cannibilizing each other they’d need to be so well fed that they wouldn’t be aggressive to humans.
Best thing to fill your most with would underwater concertina water and some sewage. If it HAS to be animals then I’d go with a herd of hippos. Amphibious, fast, aggressive, and could basically feed themselves. They’d just be huge, hyper aggressive, amphibious cows.
apparently the hippos running lose in colombia are much more docile than in africa. years of being in an environment without predators and competition may make them more like regular cows.
>the moat is already warm enough for piranhas
I'd add some salt and Australian sea habitats. >box jellyfish >lionfish >portuguese man o'war >stonefish >blue octopus >cone >stingray
>Near-perfect camo and venom at the same time >has the deadliest venom of any fish >lurk in shallow areas where people and animals walk
These things must be the spawn of the devil.
Cone snails are also a great addition to inflict maximum suffering.
isn't that one of those aesthetic moats that offers no real protection? Made just for looks. Because the building is actually a lot younger than it seems and was designed as some rich toss-pots palace home?
Like, if you would undermine and pierce that outer moat-wall (bottom of the picture) with sappers, the whole moat would empty itself and render the whole water obsticle useless.
Most castles weren't supposed to hold back a determined attacked forever, they were designed to make it as difficult as possible so the enemy doesn't bother in the first place, or is delayed long enough for relief forces to arrive. As long as you are safe from a quick and easy storming by the enemy the castle is doing its job. A lot of sieges ended simply because the attacker couldn't sustain a siege camp and had to frick off.
Piranha gets their reputation from whenever Roosevelt visited some jungle, the natives wanted to impress him so they starved them for weeks, and then put a cow in the water. The piranhas ate it clean, and that's the experience Roosevelt took back home.
They're still dangerous, but not like Hollywood would like you to belive, and it's just some types of piranha anyway.
In our modern era, you're better off electrifying the water, it's not as cool but far more functional.
There's a castle in Poland or Czech Republic with a wide deep ditch, instead of a moat, where bears would live in. Don't know what they fed them aside from maybe castle kitchen scraps and the odd man flesh
Given the rates of malaria fatalities in Africa, I'd say the bugs are winning that one. >dude what if we make shitty blood cells that die faster and clog easier
Evolution is moronic sometimes
>die faster and clog easier >mildly resistant to malaria infection
There's a trade off, but still pretty shitty one at that.
Anyways mosquitoes need to be made extinct, ecosystems won't suffer much since even spiders don't bother with them.
ok, so for the record, piranhas rarely attack living things, especially bigger then them, both alligators and crocodiles will get the job done but they can climb, like 30ft in a tree climb, your best bet is to stock that moat with box jellyfish, their venom is so strong it could kill you in a few minutes, and they don't climb either, picrel
I get the biggest, nastiest, crack hitting catfish I can get. I’ll go for Wels since they are fine with shitty cold water but if I’m in a more warmer climate I’ll probably get some Goonch Catfish or the big Latin Americans ones.
But there’s a lot of animals I would like that will make the moat lethal, Saltwater Crocodiles, Freshwater Stingrays, Candiru (both small penis violators and the bigger borrowers) and of course the dreaded Irukandji (I don’t know why God/Evolution decided to make it’s venom induce a feeling of impending doom but it was a stroke of genius)
'Gators are 100% the way to go. >keep out pest animals >not actually dangerous to humans, but try convincing your infantry when they have to cross it to attack >CUTE!
Fricking noobs. The answer is obvious. >Be raider after TEOTWAWKI >Haven’t eaten for days >Last meal was a half starved seagull >Scouts discover a no shit castle >They have women, beer, and running water >Warlord Kyle announces the assault >You and Derrick are tabbed for infiltration duty after that thing with the flaming squirrel and the shit trench >Belly crawl a half mile to avoid detection with your bros >Slowly lower yourself into the water and begin to swim towards the walls >Feel something bump your food >HOLY FRICK >Fin breaks the surface of the water >SHARK! >FRICK! >Click click >Wot? >Face to face with a big smiley dolphin >Awwww >Click click >Derrick is dragged under >Oh frick >Click click >You’re dragged under >Your pants are removed as you silently scream into the cold dark water >You fight your way back to air >You can hear laughter from the walls >Click click >You’re dragged under again >You’re fighting back towards the surface >Everything is going black >You feel Flipper enter you >You’ve been drown raped by a fricking dolphin >Your final moments are cold gasping screaming agony, ass pain, and humiliation >All because of that fricking squirrel >Click click
Dumbasses. You build a pit where you feed peasants to your 20ft long anacondas like in Conan The Barbarian. Then you have an underwater tunnel from that pit to the moat. This way you can pass the time feeding starving people to your snakes and you can release them if you’re under attack.
>20' anaconda >grabs one dude and crushes him >spend the next two hours trying to get him down its stupid snake gullet >spends the next 2 weeks trying to digest him. Just sitting around being a fat shit digesting food all day. Cant even move around or anything
goddamn those snakes are so dumb idk how they have not gone extinct yet
>Cariba piranha inhabit Venezuela's basins and rivers. According to Piranha-Info, local cattle farmers have dubbed them "capaburro," which means "donkey castrator."
>donkey castrator
Why not stock it with that south American fish that swims up your urethra?
Catchall kyks
The dreaded candiru, a naughty little fish with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra to feed on the damaged tissue of the pitiful mass of flesh you once called your penis
oh no a moat that can be defeated with a condom
Well there is always the bigger Candiru Açú, your going to need a powerful condom to protect yourself from these guys
Is that fish going to mongle my dongle? Because it sure looks like it.
More or less, the Candiru Açú preys on the dead and the dying by borrowing on mass into a victim and proceeding to eat them from the inside out.
That's largely an urban legend, although the fish has been found lodged inside people it's usually women's veganas
fill it to the brim with regular fish, create an impenetrable exterior wall of boomers who just wanna fish
delightful post
Smartest advice ever seen on /k/
you got a sensible chuckle out me
Magnificent.
Imagine if you can set up enough grills no one would ever get through
Unless you live near the equator (and the trees there do not look equatorial) neither, they're not very temperature variation tolerant. You're better off having a bunch of men with guns instead. The moat will slow up attackers, then you can shoot them.
Maybe nowadays autonomous underwater vehicles could be a good choice though.
personally, I go for a "dry moat": fine sand, cholla cactus, scorpions, venemous snakes, and bobcats.
>and bobcats.
wtf is a bobcat going to do?
how else are you going to get the sand in there?
Well played
they eat most of the rats, keeping the snakes agressive and hungry. Plus they just chill on top of cacti and that's pretty cool.
Assuming your moat is in a warm enough region for either, you don't need to worry about a piranha getting hungry and going for a walk to eat one of your sheep/chickens/small children in the village.
Plus I'm pretty sure people in the Amazon catch and eat Piranha fairly often, if your moat has a sustainable population of them, or even better, if it's literally part of the Amazon River, your moat is now pulling double duty as a food source and defensive measure.
help there are mosquitos breeding in my moat
>year of our lord 1124 + 900 years
>not stocking your moat with minnows to keep the insect menace in check
Sir Anon...
Some people want mosquito infestations
>t. mosquito
Brain-eating amoebae.
Black folk
Alligators can leave the moat.
Fence the moat up. Makes it harder enter and leave, and keeps Al Gator from getting loose
>Attackers cut hole in fence
>Free to cross moat once alligators leave
If they are in a position to cut holes in the fence around my moat they have probably completed their circumvallation and contravallation. Thus they are now trapped inside of walls of their own making with my roided up rape gators. Old crocs and gators can get such thick hides that rifle rounds can't penetrate them.
https://wiki.froth.zone/wiki/Gustave_(crocodile)?lang=en
>piranhas
That “stripping a cow in seconds” myth was just a guide fricking with Teddy Roosevelt. They aren’t dangerous, at least not like how cartoons portray them.
>alligators
Swamp puppies, not aggressive enough. Much as I love gades you’re better off with crocodiles. Although either will scare most people away.
yeah salties are the way to go, but then you are dealind with a bunch of ozzies too
Male bullsharks, bullshark pussy sweat, and a healthy amount of liquified pervitin
Neither, they will not survive the bacteria caused by me dumping my and my subjects' shit in the moat.
You feel that bubbles? The shitmoats filling
>piranhas or alligators
Geese, theyll drown a b***h
Going to give a genuine and autistic response.
I’d go with alligators. Having spent my whole life in a southern bayou ecosystem, I know very well how massively big, fast and scary alligators are. They can be as still as a statue, and in a second can be charging at you faster than you can even react. Their jaws are too powerful for most other animals, including humans to escape from. Once you’re in their teeth and they start their death roll, your bones will be broken and you’ll be ripped apart and drowned. Unlike with piranhas, body armor will most likely not help you when facing an alligator because of their jaw strength. There’s a reason alligators and crocodiles have been around for so long, they’re true apex predators.
>pic unrelated, a cool fish
Damn, that fish really is cool.
Having spent my whole life in a southern Florida ecosystem, alligators aren't nearly aggressive enough. Since 1948, 30 people have been killed by gators here. Fricking 30. That's practically zero. They don't even want to frick with people and swim away. You'd have to be actively harassing one, or caught a homie on a hungry day. People raft and float on inner tubes in alligator infested water, and all FL water is alligator infested, all over the state and nothing happens.
Even crocs don't really frick with people. There was like 2 recorded bites here ever. Now sure if we're talking about how gnarly they CAN be once they decide to attack, they're vicious. But WILL they attack? Likely not. Will they deter morons who think they're swimming killing machines? Maybe.
American crocs are considerably less aggressive than African, Asian, and Australian
so could chemicals be added to the water, preferably at a moments notice, to cause the gators to go into a frenzy? Maybe the scent of a favored prey or mating season pheromones?
do the sea bass have laser beams too?
Hippos and Salties.
Piranha aren’t actually dangerous, and to keep a number of alligators or crocodiles sufficient to deter intruders from cannibilizing each other they’d need to be so well fed that they wouldn’t be aggressive to humans.
Best thing to fill your most with would underwater concertina water and some sewage. If it HAS to be animals then I’d go with a herd of hippos. Amphibious, fast, aggressive, and could basically feed themselves. They’d just be huge, hyper aggressive, amphibious cows.
You could just do like the Iraqis did and run live wires in the moat
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Marshes#Iraqi_tactics
apparently the hippos running lose in colombia are much more docile than in africa. years of being in an environment without predators and competition may make them more like regular cows.
>How to stop hippo
I mean you shoot them, how the frick else would you stop them
>the moat is already warm enough for piranhas
I'd add some salt and Australian sea habitats.
>box jellyfish
>lionfish
>portuguese man o'war
>stonefish
>blue octopus
>cone
>stingray
>Near-perfect camo and venom at the same time
>has the deadliest venom of any fish
>lurk in shallow areas where people and animals walk
These things must be the spawn of the devil.
Cone snails are also a great addition to inflict maximum suffering.
Fill it with dick fish.
>GUYS! THEY'RE REAL!
isn't that one of those aesthetic moats that offers no real protection? Made just for looks. Because the building is actually a lot younger than it seems and was designed as some rich toss-pots palace home?
Like, if you would undermine and pierce that outer moat-wall (bottom of the picture) with sappers, the whole moat would empty itself and render the whole water obsticle useless.
Most castles weren't supposed to hold back a determined attacked forever, they were designed to make it as difficult as possible so the enemy doesn't bother in the first place, or is delayed long enough for relief forces to arrive. As long as you are safe from a quick and easy storming by the enemy the castle is doing its job. A lot of sieges ended simply because the attacker couldn't sustain a siege camp and had to frick off.
Electric eels
nice boat
reddittors (underages) ITT don't know piranhas don't attack humans are scared of us
Yeah but would you want to enter piranha infested water?
Jeremy Wade did.
>t.piranha
gators come out to eat the kids you want to raise
My castle my rules I am going with Seals and when I wake up I stand on the ledge and go EUO EUO EUOO at my seals
Piranha gets their reputation from whenever Roosevelt visited some jungle, the natives wanted to impress him so they starved them for weeks, and then put a cow in the water. The piranhas ate it clean, and that's the experience Roosevelt took back home.
They're still dangerous, but not like Hollywood would like you to belive, and it's just some types of piranha anyway.
In our modern era, you're better off electrifying the water, it's not as cool but far more functional.
Horny dolphins
There's a castle in Poland or Czech Republic with a wide deep ditch, instead of a moat, where bears would live in. Don't know what they fed them aside from maybe castle kitchen scraps and the odd man flesh
fill it with poop and pee
Won't stop Indians.
How about some good ole sharks with fricking lasers attached to their heads.
How about sea bass instead?
KILLA WHALES
Trusting animals for site security?
No way, we got the technology
>Put sea mines next to castle
>Hapless infantryman bumps it
>Entire castle and attacking army are vaporized instantly by UNINTELLIGABLE SPHERE
I would get geese. They will defend the moat and sound the alarm if someone is trying to be sneaky.
Whatever eats mosquitos
Africans?
Given the rates of malaria fatalities in Africa, I'd say the bugs are winning that one.
>dude what if we make shitty blood cells that die faster and clog easier
Evolution is moronic sometimes
>die faster and clog easier
>mildly resistant to malaria infection
There's a trade off, but still pretty shitty one at that.
Anyways mosquitoes need to be made extinct, ecosystems won't suffer much since even spiders don't bother with them.
hippos
Fill it with chigger mites.
Gators.
ok, so for the record, piranhas rarely attack living things, especially bigger then them, both alligators and crocodiles will get the job done but they can climb, like 30ft in a tree climb, your best bet is to stock that moat with box jellyfish, their venom is so strong it could kill you in a few minutes, and they don't climb either, picrel
Won't you need to fill the moat with seawater and regularly circulate it with fresh seawater?
Dozens and dozens of octopi
Are you getting invaded by anime girls?
A hole is a hole
This, but just so I can hang out on the draw bridge, watch them, and throw them snacks.
Luv me cephalopods.
Same. I was mostly making a joke but octopi are actually super cool
I get the biggest, nastiest, crack hitting catfish I can get. I’ll go for Wels since they are fine with shitty cold water but if I’m in a more warmer climate I’ll probably get some Goonch Catfish or the big Latin Americans ones.
But there’s a lot of animals I would like that will make the moat lethal, Saltwater Crocodiles, Freshwater Stingrays, Candiru (both small penis violators and the bigger borrowers) and of course the dreaded Irukandji (I don’t know why God/Evolution decided to make it’s venom induce a feeling of impending doom but it was a stroke of genius)
leeches
I shall stock my moat with several Wels Catfish
As an ecological experiment, apply to moat every single fish featured on River Monsters, starting with these boys.
'Gators are 100% the way to go.
>keep out pest animals
>not actually dangerous to humans, but try convincing your infantry when they have to cross it to attack
>CUTE!
So, nobody went with AP mines in the water with tripwires below the waterline?
Ok...
Fricking noobs. The answer is obvious.
>Be raider after TEOTWAWKI
>Haven’t eaten for days
>Last meal was a half starved seagull
>Scouts discover a no shit castle
>They have women, beer, and running water
>Warlord Kyle announces the assault
>You and Derrick are tabbed for infiltration duty after that thing with the flaming squirrel and the shit trench
>Belly crawl a half mile to avoid detection with your bros
>Slowly lower yourself into the water and begin to swim towards the walls
>Feel something bump your food
>HOLY FRICK
>Fin breaks the surface of the water
>SHARK!
>FRICK!
>Click click
>Wot?
>Face to face with a big smiley dolphin
>Awwww
>Click click
>Derrick is dragged under
>Oh frick
>Click click
>You’re dragged under
>Your pants are removed as you silently scream into the cold dark water
>You fight your way back to air
>You can hear laughter from the walls
>Click click
>You’re dragged under again
>You’re fighting back towards the surface
>Everything is going black
>You feel Flipper enter you
>You’ve been drown raped by a fricking dolphin
>Your final moments are cold gasping screaming agony, ass pain, and humiliation
>All because of that fricking squirrel
>Click click
Sharks with laser beams attached to their heads or sea bass.
Dumbasses. You build a pit where you feed peasants to your 20ft long anacondas like in Conan The Barbarian. Then you have an underwater tunnel from that pit to the moat. This way you can pass the time feeding starving people to your snakes and you can release them if you’re under attack.
>20' anaconda
>grabs one dude and crushes him
>spend the next two hours trying to get him down its stupid snake gullet
>spends the next 2 weeks trying to digest him. Just sitting around being a fat shit digesting food all day. Cant even move around or anything
goddamn those snakes are so dumb idk how they have not gone extinct yet
That’s why you have several snakes. Besides would you like swimming in the same water as that shit?
just wait till it gets cold and step over it. Or drag it out and take it home as a pet. At least a pit of rattle snakes would have a fighting chance
Neither. Tentacle rape minsters will do.
Aids and Stingrays
What about Stingrays with AIDS?
Actually now that I think about it that would be extremely sad.
Horny dolphins