Post stupid injuries that you've seen or suffered from
> Buy new butterfly knife
> Learn some basic opening and closing tricks, as well as how to fan the blade
> Suddenly, a moronic idea pops in my head
> What if I toss the knife, spin it 180 degrees and catch it with the blade pointing down?
> Successfully toss and spin it
> Fail to correctly grab it as it comes down
> Blade goes through the side of my finger and blood starts coming ouy, although surprisingly there is no pain
> Immediately realise my stupidity and chuckle
> Go to the bathroom, clean up and bandage my finger and the clean the blood that fell on the floor
Overall a fun expirience, would do it again
>Be me
>filter spam threads so fast I do a heckin carpal tunnel
Spank you for your cervix
It's not much of a story and it's definitely not an actual injury but there was one time I fell over.
There's this hiking trail in the mountains just outside my city, nothing fancy, a few hours long at most. At one point along the trail there's a sign saying "Danger! Cliff Edge! Stay On Trail!" Just past the sign there's the big old mossy trunk of a fallen tree, sloping down from the trail to the cliff. One time, back when I was 18 or 19, I was walking along that trail with my then-gf, now-wife. We reached that sign and I shouted something along the lines of "no sign tells me what to do"; I stepped past the sign, leapt up onto the tree trunk and immediately fell on my ass. I didn't simply fall over though; the instant my boots touched the slimy, mossy surface of that tree they shot out from under me like I was a cartoon character stepping on a banana skin and I went skating down the tree on my ass for a good 20ft, only being stopped from sailing off the edge of the cliff by slamming balls-first into a branch sticking up out of the trunk.
Like I said, I know this isn't much of a story to anyone who wasn't there but the whole thing felt like a Three Stooges sketch. The confidence with which I jumped up onto the tree, the immediacy with which fate punished me, the acrobatic beauty of the fall, the slapstick ball gag at the end; all perfect. The tree is still lying there beside the trail and, even now, whenever we walk past that spot we end up laughing.
God forbid someone post about something other than Ukraine, you assblasted homosexual.
>NOOOOOOOO! STOP POSTING SBOUT AN ACTUAL WAR CURRENTLY HAPPENING!!!!! STOOOOOOOP IT DADDY!!!!!!!!! READ ABOUT ME SLAMMING MY OWN NUTS INSTEAD DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
russian bot
>trying to open thick plastic packaging
>using a knife pointed at the hand holding the package like a moron
> slice through the package and hit the are between my thumb and pointer
>area of skin now missing, can see muscles move underneath, but no blood
>pass out for some reason
>wake up on the floor shortly after, still no blood
>cooking chili with beans
>split comes off can of beans mid cooking
>forget I have a perfectly fine can opener on the kitchen shelf right next to my head
>tap the can with a knife handle
>mid cooking, no time
>tap a little harder
>top goes right in, bean juice goes EVERYWHERE, all over kitchen, all over me
>have to clean while cooking
After having eaten I scratch my head and realize I have dried out bean juice on my face and in my hair. Forgot all about it because I had to cook and clean at the same time.
The food was great, tho
wait, were you cooking canned food in the can? why?
What? no
I was opening the can while cooking in a pot
not an injury, you are definitely moronic
Psychological injury is real thing, anon
>being psychologically injured from spilling bean water
well before i simply thought anon is moronic, now i think he's moronic and needs to kill himself
fortunately if he's that easily traumatized there's a very likely chance he will
>now i think he's moronic and needs to kill himself
well before i simply thought anon was in a bad mood, now i think he's a sorry human being and needs to find happiness
unfortunately if he's that easily pissed off there's a very unlikely chance he will
i think you are ugly and smelly
have fun with that therapy bill and boatload of prescriptions you now need, stinky
Good job, anon
You sure showed me
Have a nice day! (if you can manage that)
I fell off a small height a few days ago while wearing a pack and helmet. I landed back-first and my head snapped back, so I gave myself whiplash with like a 4-foot fall. My ego is more hurt than my body.
>Be me in college
>have a room in a house with another vet
>in my room, studying for physics final
>hear a loud bang and get thrown forward, assume a car tire exploded and I flinched
>roommate was fingerfricking his pistol, pointed it at our shared wall and pulled the trigger
>NDd
>dont feel anything right away, but round took me in my back, had to go to the ER
>got out of all my finals because of this
Didn't happen
You're just trying to summon the nd posters
sadly it did happen
In fairness, I never deployed, maybe he just wanted me to have a taste of combat
>I never deployed, maybe he just wanted me to have a taste of combat
guy was a real bro
>be american
>get trough the war on terror unscathed
>get shot in the back by a fellow veteran
what is the real friend is the terror we made along the way?
Why are so many grunts inclined to ND so much? I thought the army was supposed to teach you weapons safety.
NDs are a normal part of gun ownership, after all. They've happened to me a couple of times actually.
I think NDing is just correlated with moronation and being a grunt is also correlated with moronation.
not /k/ related but (almost) happened yesterday:
>be mowing grass
>have pushmower with bit of wire I twisted around the throttle to bypass the safety thing keeping it from shutting off of I'm not holding it
>realize that the cover has come off my grill
>go over to get the cover and put it back on my grill
>adjust my feet and feel the toe of my show brush against the front of the mower deck that's still on
>"of frick, that was close"
>don't tell my wife about it when I come in
terrifying
>be me
>win a nice, black and silver folding knife at a shooting game
>sharpen the blade till it becomes a weapon
> start stabbing a plastic box
>flip the knife for confort
> keep stabbing
>blade lock fails.
>your pinkie is now cut bone-deep
>blood starts pouring out
>clean up the mess
>be me a few days ago
>find an abandoned rusty BMX bike in a forrest
>drag it out to the nearest road
>get on, standing up and leaning slightly forward as you do on a BMX
>chain explodes at first pedal push
>Im launched head first into the asphalt
>throw bike into a ditch and walk home with bruises all over me and blood leaking out of my face
God punished me fast for my attempted Black persondom
This sounds like a scene from Hot Rod 2: Rusty Boogaloo.
Holy shit anon. Yeah chains on bikes are the worst when left outside. I have a couple bikes and once you've left one outside for even just like a week or two it's starting to rust. Months and you really have to oil and break the rust free. I've freed up a chain one link at a time with plenty of PB Blaster before...you really should just replace the chain at that point though lol. And I say this as someone who's pulled a found bike out of a river before and rode it for a couple months. If your bike chain jumps or sticks unexpectedly at all, you shouldn't stand on the pedals and lean to get more power out of your pedaling, trust me. I've eaten shit before when my chain decided to jump gears or "derail" mid stroke. After a long time sitting, either from grease, wear, or rust, you really need to ride a bike gently to figure out what condition it's in and what it needs before trusting it like that.
On a well maintained bike, is it possible for a relatively fit male to put so much power into the chains that they break? I'm kind of a moron and go up hills by gaining tons of speed going into them and just powering up them like a madman in the highest gear. Sometimes I get worried when I stand on the pedals but nothing has broken yet. My calves are frickin huge btw.
I'm not a huge massive fit dude (under 150lbs) but I've put some weight into chains while carrying shit for hunting (rifle, ammo, pack, groundhog, shooting sticks, water...) both uphill and flat rushing back home to beat sundown and never broke a chain even on several "meh" bikes ($30 used 80s/90s beaters, mostly Huffys). You're more likely to wear your gear teeth or the chain to stretch/lose its tension first and experience the chain jumping sending you on your face when it finally meets resistance again when it gets to that next gear. I will say that ABSOLUTELY you should avoid water when snow is on the ground though. One way ticket to figuring out how to de-ice your fricking chain when it freezes mid-stroke, then nearly eating shit. Happened to me this Winter. Have never broken a chain ever and I have chains that have (doing some shitty math) north of a thousand miles on them if not two thousand or three on one of my first bikes. That one I actually ended up breaking the crank/pedal off after finding a many year old metal defect by accident. That one was absolutely worn out though; every bearing needed replacement and I just wanted to keep going on the thing. On my other bikes, I should've replaced the chain and the gears (front at pedals and back hub) long ago. A "new" bike was just cheaper, though, as they also often needed new tires which was >$30 for a new beater.
>be 14 year old me
>play with bombs and guns like an absolute psychopath
>craft a pistol that shoots 36 caliber metal balls using small firecrackers
> fill that shit to the brim with flash powder(not supposed to be in a gun, burns 20x faster than regular gunpowder)
>handfire that shit like a pro
>have a chunk of my thumb blown off as that thing explodes from the overcharged propellant
>not tell anyone about it
>injury heals off in a few weeks
Based moron
that is one of the many times i have done something that moronic
>be little 16 year old me
>at a church sledding event, everyone’s going down slopes on all different kinds of sleds
>using one of those saucer types with no edge and just 2 handles
>see massive pile of snow in a ball at the bottom of hill
>”haha it would be so cool if I hit that and go right through!”
>aim for the giant snow ball
>realize on impact that it’s basically a massive solid ball of ice
>shoulder hits first then the side of my head whips into it (crunch)
>wake up a few minutes later, church friends help me walk to where parents are inside drinking tea and chilling
>start throwing up, have to spend a night in the hospital
>and that’s how I got a concussion from sledding
damn bro you might just be the most moronic Black person here
im pretty sure i got dumber after that
is that even the dumbest thing yet?
yeah I’m usually pretty good at not hurting myself these days, guess wisdom does come with age
This one time I was shooting my 460 and just started getting closer to the steel targets. I was maybe 10 feet away. That piece of 240gr Hornady xtp mag is probably still in my abdomen.
Reminds me of a church winter retreat incident. We did the polar bear plunge where they chain sawed out a 6x6 hole in the lake and we hopped in for a few seconds (I had to pretend it was a hot tub like the acoustic retread I am until they yelled something about hypothermia) Anyways some big negress that was there as somebody's plus one goes and Geronimo's in and slams face first into the ice on the other side. Splits them big lips wide open and maybe knocked out a tooth, there was A LOT of blood. They hauled her off and I never saw her again.
Good times.
About the closest I’m comfortable with 454 and 500 at is 30 feet.. keep debating getting those angled plate holders..
>be me, 13 years old
>shooting CO2-powered 4.5mm steel bb gun
>shooting at spherical plastic container shaped like pumpkin for trick or treating
>ends up being made out of very tough plastic, all of the bbs are ricocheting off instead of blasting holes in it
>get a bad feeling, keep shooting anyway like a moron
>bb ricochets into my eye
>hurts like a motherfricker, vision immediately very blurry in that eye
>vision starts to get murkier and murkier
>look in mirror
>eye is half-full of blood (picrel)
rest of the story is hazy but my parents drove me like an hour to some eye doctor in the next state over and it took about another hour in the waiting room before I saw him and by then the blood had drained out of my eye. the doctor pointed some super bright lights directly into my eyes and said I had an increased risk of retinal detachment later on in life, but other than that I was fine and that it would heal on it's own. it did and I luckily regained my 20/20 vision. ever since then I absolutely do not frick around with wearing PPE, especially eye PPE, and I listen to gut feelings.
don't frick around with your eyes bros you only get two and you need both for depth perception
fricking metal
Never shoot steel BBs at anything close or at anything that isn't cloth or cardboard. Trust me, not worth it. They're so hard they'll bounce off anything near straight back if given the chance. Pellets (lead air rifle) and plastic BBs (airsoft) are much less likely to do this, though those airsoft ones still like to bounce back off plywood.
t. ricochet'd a steel BB into my knuckle with a 10 pump air rifle once
I broke my wrist as a kid. we used to be Mormon of all things (if you know me, I am the least Mormon thing in existence) and the door to door people were over. I said in my squeaky voice, trying to be cool or sumthin "Do you think I'm cute? WELL I'm NOT" and swung my left arm sideways and.... (rolled a natural 1) hit the box TV and broke my goddamn wrist. I also broke the TV :] I was 5 I think.
SOF guy I know went on a super secret, super cool SOF raid to kill a bad guy and was permanently disabled when someone hit him with a brick and then he became so disabled he died. The brick thrower was then tortured to death at a CIA black site and the video was given to his spouse, who was fricking his brother by this point. Her kid saw it and then showed it to all his other boyscouts and everyone in his unit got in trouble for leaking the video.
note: this was before iphones, and the video was distributed on a sony UMD so it wasn't uploaded to the internet, but this is why PSPs are banned in most secure areas now
> Be me, 17 years old
> Sitting on my bed, sharpening fixed blade knife I got for Christmas
> Get called away to do some chore or other shit.
> Didn't think it would take long so I leave knife out of it's sheath laying on my bed
> Several hours pass
> Come back to bedroom to take a short nap
> Jump face down onto the bed
> Feel sharp stabbing pain in upper chest to the left of my sternum
> Remember that I left the knife out on the bed
> Get up and run to the bathroom, there's about an inch gash in my chest
> Luckily not bleeding very much, ask Dad to take me to the doctor's office, the whole time he's calling me a dumbass
> Get to doctor's office. Not busy so they get me in right away.
> Doctor asks me if it was self-inflicted. Say yes. Doctor asks if this was a suicide attempt. Bluntly tell her I was being a dumbass.
> Got eight stitches. Still have the scar today.
Is your name Shawn?
I did the same thing but left a sharpened wire on the ground and when I stepped over it I put it straight in the bottom of my foot. Fricking moron. Lucky I didn't get any diseases I know of (I was using it as a tool) and lucky there wasn't tetanus on it as I was going to need another shot soon at that point.
>be 12 or 13 years old
>see video on "The king of random" on how to make what are basically homemade firecrackers
>mix the two things but realize they might not be fine enough
>put it in a mortar and pestle figuring if I'm just really really careful it will be fine
>it wasnt fine
Rang in my ears for a pretty long while but I don't have tinnitus as an adult so that's cool I guess
Man I miss his videos, they were the best. I think he even showed how to make primers from matches using a similar method and used them to reload ammo for his Glock, lol. RIP Grant.
I've sliced the shit out of my fingers on those years ago even just trying to close them. Seriously IDK what stainless they make them from but they stay pretty sharp and come from the factory pretty sharp. Also FRICK are you lucky it was only the small blade.
JFC anon, ricochets can be pretty bad. Was it pretty minor or did the bullet stay in your chest?
NTA but I used to eat the lemons out of my tea at restaurants as a kid. You get used to it. Pretty fricking tasty after a while. Or maybe that was just 4-5 y/o me talking lol. Thanks for the random reminder of an old memory either way.
>be 16 year old me
>out inna small crop of forest near the shitty commieblocks we lived in
>whittling away, making neat little chess-ish figures out of finger-thickness branches
>need to grab one all weird to get it how i want
>sknige slips, cuts deep into the top of my index finger
>stings a little, nothing bad
>check wound
>notice there's next to no blood
>ball up fist
>can see the layers of skin and fat and a line in the fingerbone
>blood starts coming after a bit
>mfw scrimshawed my own fingerbone with it still attached
>pack up, head home
>finger starts to bleed a good bit more since i don't bother keeping it elevated
>scare the piss out of some preschool class out on a daytrip when my bloody hand and i pass by
>still got a nice scar from it
All in all a good time, would recommend
>be me
>9
>be spic
>in 12 foot lime tree in valle de bravo Mexico
>up in tree slicing limes and eating them with the small knife on a Swiss army
>brand new Swiss army
>tough skin make me push too hard and slice thumb deep
>limejuice.exe
>panik.pdf
>fall out of tree
I landed on the knife and it sliced 1 and a half inches deep into my side just above my left hip
ouch
never climbing a lime tree again
>never climbing a lime tree again
quitter
Damn bro. How are you just eating a lime straight? Isn't that sour as frick?
nta but yes, and they're delicious
>Make homemade body armor from trash at work.
>Concrete mold for helmet is done
>Make helmet.
>Shoot helmet
>no penetrations, great success
>try multiple scenarios
>soviet execution style
>shoot helmet point blank
>immediate pain to a rib
>look to see what happened with the gun
>looks normal, wtf
>couple hours later realize I've been shot
Boy am I moronic.
>be working in range
>Mexican and his friend (also Mexican) show up to shoot
>ask for lane
>shooting shitty pistols
>bend down to pick up my pen
>tapping on glass
>rush in thinking it's a slide bite
>“ambulance” in Spanish
>moron nearly blew his fricking finger off showing off to said Mexican friend
I hate foreigners so fricking much it's unreal
>Oil sword, scabbard seems loose
>Hold it vertically, shake the scabbard to see if the fit is good
>its not, I knew that before I did it, why did I do this, my hand isn't in a position to have the handle just fall into my palm
>Reflexively try to grab the falling object, cutting two of my fingertips in the process before my brain catches up and I yank my hand away and let the sword fall
>Spend an worrying amount of time bleeding into rags and cleaning the wound before it stops closes up
On the bright side, I gained an appreciation for just how sharp swords really are and didn't lose my fingers in the process. Great success.
My right thumb permanently clicks because I cut the joint fricking with a folding knife as a kid.
>yes I can skateboard
broken ankle
>ok lets try bmx instead
shattered arm 4hr surgery with metal plates and nails, scar on arm now looks like tried to off myself
>falls out of bed onto diy wood furniture project on the floor
two minor spinal fractures that give me headaches and pain for the rest of my life
>slips on floor coming out of the pool
concussion dislocated shoulder which never healed properly.
>fistfight 1
broken hand (i won)
>fistfight 2
broken nose (i lost)
>diy projects
multiple scars and cuts from boxcutters and hot solder
>dads a carpenter
slip on floor as a kid running around the shop 2x 5 stitches to the forhead. Saw was off.
>climb on dads old vw golf with the broken antenna as a kid
slip and antenna pierces upper throat into my mouth, yes really
>work as a cook to help pay for college
cut off a piece of my thumb on the bread cutting thing with the spinny blade
I am 30 and not be trusted around firearms, anyway shall not be infringed homosexuals
thanks for coming to my ted talk
>ta
i have a very high tolerance for pain
Oh and I work as an electrical engineer climbing on cranes and shit either this will be my death or I am gonna nd myself fiddling with my guns.
Have you ever considered purchasing a motorcycle?
seeing these replies makes me feel less bad about the single most moronic thing i've done so far, which is a high bar
>fall down stairs
>catch myself with arm at a weird angle, hand hurts a bit
>figure i sprained it, no big deal
>months pass
>hand curls up into a fricking claw over a few weeks
>can't open it more than half
>get x-rayed
>i snapped my ulna in half and it healed at a 45 degree angle, >the end of the bone had had slowly crept on top of my wrist when the swelling went away
>finger tendons look like earphone cable spaghetti
>doctor snaps arm again and sets it right
>hand has never been the same
how we survived pre-history is beyond me
forgot to add the worst part, i can no longer use any rifle stock that doesn't have a pistol grip. will take years of physio to regain the flexibility to do that.
>gf's parents build a granny flat on the property
>her sister is slightly autistic and moves in to get practice at living on her own
>have a combination 18th/housewarming party with some of her tabletop gaming friends
>she always shows me recipes she wants me to make when we have weekend dinners, but can't make them herself because her parents have nothing in the kitchen
>ask a blacksmith mate to make a custom knife set more wieldy for someone her size
>buy her a nice kitchen blow torch to go with it
>show her some knife skills and how to use the torch for creme brulee
>she's putting everything in the dishwasher and tries to put the blow torch away
>doesn't have her glasses on and can't read the symbols
>drops it and locks the gas open while knocking out the pilot light
>bends over the dishwasher to pick it up
>stabs herself right in the stomach with the knife she put upright in the utensils stand
>jumps and yanks the dishwasher from the cheap Ikea cupboard
>sprawls and passes out in a field of smashed plates and glass
>as I'm lifting her up, one of her friends picks up the torch and comments it's wet
>puts it next to a candle
>immediately starts spewing flame from a crack in the side where the dishwasher dented it
>a paper crown next to the candle catches fire
>watch as everyone just stares, points and stutters about the fire
>still holding gf's sister with an unknown stomach wound
>one of her friends comes out from the bathroom pulling his pants up
>smothers the torch, burning himself, and tosses it out the door
>stamps out the fire
>finally get to see the wound
>it's just shallow, but she's filled with broken glass and crockery
>wait for ambulance as she comes back around and starts crying that she was having such a nice birthday
>get to hospital and the nurses think she's moronic
>collapses in the toilet and smacks her head on the support railing
>has to be held for observation
>nurses bring her a cupcake because she never got her birthday cake
Fricking hell what a shishow. Poor girl i hope she recovered ok
>10 year old me
>what will happen if I turn on the blender while touching the blade
>touch blade and turn on
>index finger shredded and blood all over the kitchen
Are you still completely moronic or were you just behind the curve at 10yo?
based morons
>opening some boxes at work with a cutter
>suddently huge insect poses on the back of my hand
>wearing anti cut gloves, decide that I want to guillotine that beast
>take a charged cut to smash the insect in half
>hands explodes in a geyser of blood
I got 8 days off work to recover the wound and 4 stitch
>be 15 year old eurogay me
>steal a 7.92 × 57 mm rifle cartridge from an old neighbor
>months later, having idea of letting it explode
>make small fire with sticks
>put cartridge in the middle
>go away some distance
>wait
>it does a low *bang*
>carefully go to the fire
>see cartridge lying there with capsule blown off and the end open
>see that flames are not touching the the cartridge anymore
>take stick
>try to move the cartridge into the fire with the stick
>*LOUD BANG*
>left ear feels like under water and ringing
>feel something at my knee
>see hole in pants and blood dripping from small wound
>go home and tell parents
>sit in car while they drive me to ER
>get X-Ray of leg
>hear doctor wondering: "no projectile"
>realize that I got only hit by a shrapnel
>days later, go looking for the projectile and find it 10m away from the fire place on the ground
>Be me
>nuke MM on submarine
>showing diver the danger tags are hanging so they can do work without sonar or some one turning the propeller
Danger tags are how we do lock outs of equipment that we don't want inadvertently turned on during maintenance.
>Touching this, turning that valve to show it is shut, etc.
>Open panel to show fuses are removed
>Touch the contacts where the fuses would be to show they are empty
>On an energized panel
>Do the 60 Hz shuffle
>diver laughs at me
>I deserved it
>Be me around 6-7 years old
>Live in a sort of hard U shaped apartment complex with sidewalk matching the design
>Riding bike on that sidewalk like always
>Heading into a 90 degree turn as fast as I can pedal but I figure it's ok as I reverse pedal to break and screech to a halt like always.
>Rusty ass Detroit tier hand-me-down bike I had for a year leaving it outside 24/7 finally blows up the chain as I brake
>No foresight to ride through the corner and up the grass hill towards the apartments to slow my down
>Literally just hop off the side of the bike and slide on my knees like picrel for about 10 feet until I hit the base of the grass hill and faceplant into it
Mostly ok from it but the skin on my knee was fricked for most of the year. Less moronic now.
>Forgets pic
NVM, I'm still fricking moronic.
This is why you start with a dull as shit knife, anon. But not the really shitty chinkshit tier trainers that are pinned and not screw construction, those suck. Once you get better and learn to follow which the sharp side is (or mark the handle) you can sharpen it. Even if you have to put electrical tape over the edge of the blade while practicing.
t. former friend of a balisong knife autist with one of his old knives he gave me
Wow I'm just as moronic as OP with knives
>me and friend being dumbass freshmen
>find a butterfly knife at the park
>play with the knife
>try throwing it into the ground and sticking it in the mud
>I can't do it
>grab knife and stab the ground
>hand runs down blade and cuts pinky to the bone
>blood everywhere but can't feel anything because RIP nerve
Damn that will be 20 years ago this fall.
>19 years old
>need to make a 2 inch vertical cut through the end of a tree limb
>hold the tree limb in my left hand and a Milwaukee sawzall in my right
>ready the saw on the limb
>hmmm this doesnt seem safe
>start sawing
>make it like a quarter inch and the blade jumps off the limb and lands on my left thumb joint
>saws my thumb a few times and tears it up pretty good
>feel moronic but lucky that i didnt destroy my thumb tendons
bum
recent one
>fiddling with AK
>doing the underhand charge style
>ride along the carrier on the handle to keep it from being loud as frick
>somehow eats the shit outta my hand
>right side of left index finger, right under the knuckle now has a small patch thats been skinned & smashed
>ow frick, this hurts a lot
>few days later it looks like its infected under bad lighting, but its just bruised
>like 3 weeks later its just a red spot now
i got pretty unlucky, i think it caught because the skin was loose when grabbing the charging handle, and then with the pressure, as i turned out, it basically pinched the absolute frick out of it in one go since i probably still had my thumb pressuring the bolt ontop of the spring's force
more stories
>resizing brass in single stage press
>try to go to fast
>crush finger in press
>few years later do the same thing
>few years later do the same thing