sup /k/, how are you going to survive the movie killer? here's my plan, feel free to add to this or make your own!
plan to survive slasher movies
sup /k/, how are you going to survive the movie killer? here's my plan, feel free to add to this or make your own!
>gets magdumped on
>tilts his head in vague annoyance
>cuts you in half
I hate the trope of ''bad guy can tank bullets just because he's the bad guy"
Black person if I hit your homosexual ass with 8 shells worth of brenneke slugs you're going to hit the fricking ground.
He's also some kind of undead monster so there is that.
That said, the initial post is also missing the key actions of decapitating and dismembering the body and burning them and scattering the ashes to the 4 winds
So what we're playing by dead space rules now?
You people seriously underestimate how much ammo I have at my disposal.
I've seen enough horror movies and enough gifs and webms to know you shooot that homosexual until he's nothing but red paste and bone dust.
I don't care how tough Jason is, I'll shoot him until he's at least learned to go frick with someone easier.
Nevermind the fantasy monsters, I just want to ensure the threat is completely eliminated, COMPLETELY.
For reference this is about the amount of gunfire it takes to impede Jason (I think that's a mortar at the end?)
>law enforcement actually takes the supernatural killer seriously and respons with the appropriate amount of dakka
This feels like a parody.
They then completely bungle disposing of his unholy remains and he comes back when they could have prevented it, which is accurate for Feds.
Micheal Myers is just a big dude, right? And the Scream guy is also normal. So guns would work fine on them. Movie slashers run on pure bullshit anyway.
Michael Meyers is more than just a big guy, as we saw in the final Halloween movie.
Ghostface is just a Human serial killer and should be vulnerable to gunfire, but he tends to use ambushes or attack the helpless.
Ghostface is just a persona that anyone can take up at any time so you're right fricked. Easily could imagine Ghostface jumping you at the end of the first act. You run grab the gun and light the fricker up. He drops dead. YOU think the story is over. 20 minutes later turns out his partner plays dress up in the same costume and jumps you icing you.
Worse, now you've established yourself as the magdumping /k/ommando. The probability rises exponentially that whatever firearm you choose, it'll suffer a tragicomic mishap and jam just long enough for you to get gutted like a fish.
>Micheal Myers is just a big dude, right?
He survives 6 shots to the chest in the very first movie. How much he can actually survive depends on which movies you consider canon, but at the very least he's unnaturally resilient.
>And the Scream guy is also normal.
yes
Iirc more than one Scream guy, dies from gunshots.
>Micheal Myers is just a big dude, right?
Maybe in the first movie, but later movies he's some residual curse that was haunting the insane asylum before being awakened to slash again. I think it is supposed to be a bit of a mystery where you can't be sure if it is just some really tough insane moron or a manifested evil that cannot be banished.
They went balls deep on the latter with the most recent (and it sucked)
Literally the beginning of Jason Goes To Hell
>worst movie in the series by far
>unstoppable murder-zombie is more believable than the Feds being goodguys and doing their job competently
Man frick
Jason is a revenant.
Normal rules won't apply.
I mean, if his body parts are exploded off they’re not going to be much use. Hence why he got yeeted so fast by the fbi
Do you recall what happened immediately after he was killed?
I don't watch movies because I think they're kinda bad for you. I don't really care what Jason did after he was killed because that can't happen in real life.
>Whistle blow!
>Moving the goalpost.
>10 yard penalty!
Forces unknown have made Jason Vorhees real.
>After the /k/ solution demolishes him, the coroner finds himself psychically forced to eat Jason's heart.
>This transforms him into Jason
>And thus the cycle continued
Obliterate the heart, got it.
Canonically there was an enchanted knife that must be put into his heart by someone from the same bloodline.
It was one of the stupidest plot devices in the series, but that was in the movie.
It'd be easier just to stay out of his territory.
I mean the entire point I was trying to make was that I think that bullet sponge baddies are cliche, common, and boring af. Even if they can be killed there's some sort of convoluted scheme where they can be "brought back" like one anon highlighted. They're just tropes that are commonly used in media nowadays.
Dunk on me all you want, but I prefer the trope of a baddie you can fight and come out on top of.
The slasher from The Collector (and Collection) is the kinda villain you want then.
>How would you survive in a slasher movie?
>I don't care, because that can't happen in real life.
I mean that's one approach I guess.
>I don't watch movies because I think they're kinda bad for you.
Find another thread to waste time in you moronic homosexual
>I think movies are bad for you
>He says while browsing PrepHole
>The website that is significantly more intellectually harmful than any movie possibly could be
Its really disgusting how watching actors pretend to do things has become such a cornerstone of our culture that people consider being uninterested in it as something crazy. I don't need to watch any more Hollywood jackasses trying to look cool for the CGI! There is NO NEED to watch more than one Jason movie! Even one is too much considering the first Halloween film already existed.
There were people handling his body parts for hours, they could have just incinerated him on the scene, contained the ashes, and hurled the container into the sea.
>I hate the trope of ''bad guy can tank bullets just because he's the bad guy"
>implying
>bad guy
He couldn't tank bullets, after around 7 shots in they realized that his legs weren't covered by the armor and immediately dropped him.
armorbros... is this true? did I spend my 401k on level 5s for nothing?
If your armor takes 7 hits your enemy should have taken at least 7 hits my then.
>bad guy
>bad guy
>PAN SHOT!
>>>bad guy
It would have killed Jason during the first 3(or 4) movies. Where he is a mortal freak. After he comes back from the dead, he becomes the immortal freak, who can tank just about anything.
You think you hate the "trope" (gay word) but unless you're autistic what you're actually feeling dislike for is that you've seen it in shitty movies.
There's nothing inherent about a fictional monster needing to be shot a whole lot to die that makes it bad, it's just bad if it's written badly.
Nothing personnel kid
golden
I love how the head just lifts out of frame and never comes back
>This kills the dummy
Would it be possible to have a preloaded grapeshot cannon set up safely in your house? I'm thinking a charge sealed in plastic that you need to physically pierce in order to detonate. What if you had this
>just in case, as a nightstand gun
and actually needed to use it to obliterate murderthieves? would you go to jail?
just mount a parrott gun next to your bed. in the cabin. on your pirate ship. lol
>.45acp
OP said non-supernatural killers. Jason is undead.
jason vs. xenomorphs gogogogo
>Jason cuts xenomorph in half
>Maybe half of him melts
>he crawls off I guess
I want to _____ a xenomorph
Since the xenomorph is difrent based on the host victim. What would happen if a facehugger implanted a xenomorph in Jason?
In theory xenos need a living host to grow, jason in his zombie form is not a viable host, and in his human form is just a regular homosapiens.
That but i can see a writter handwave a bullshit reason to make a revenand-morph.
They did it in a comic
A facehugger got Jason and an alien tore out of his chest and then, obviously being a guy who is just inconvenienced by a little thing like having his sternum ripped open from the inside, he had to hunt down and fight the Jasalien
>Jason becomes a walking "living" sow for the xenomorphs
h-hot
Sounds like SOMEONE doesnt have enough guns
I have more mass in bullets than he does in his body. I’ll be fine
The arrogant gun nut is a character that usually does poorly in these kinds of movies
A lot of motel rooms are L shaped like this. Having motion cameras could be an advantage.
What about a room shaped like this, I would probably wait in the red spot
>What about a room shaped like this, I would probably wait in the red spot
Congratulations, you are now stabbed through the wall.
i would imagine this would give you a greater opportunity to accidentally shoot an innocent, i think a long hallway at the end of a corridor would give you more time to positively identify your target.
Staying sober and not fricking until its ogre is reportedly half the battle. The other half is an understated yet decisive exit strategy at 63mph away from the cabin/school/summer camp. Slashers tend to be territorial, don't fortify a position in their feeding radius.
>63mph
Very specific. Why not 45mph, which is still fast but prudent for dirt, narrow, or possibly blockaded roads that often are your most direct avenue of escape from the cabin/school/summer camp? Open her up once you hit an interstate, or paved road, obviously.
cheetahs can sprint at 44MPH. it's not a difficult stretch for Mr. SuperSlaughter to have enhanced strength for stupid plot reasons.
also most cars should be able to reach 60MPH in about five seconds, the length of time a director will focus on the speedometer before panning back to the "survivors" who think they've gotten away. it stands to reason the smart driver would still be accelerating by that time.
Interstate highway max speed is 65mph in the bulk of places. The 63 is so that no overzealous John Q. Law pulls you over for going a hair over the limit, or for going "suspisciously slow" (6 or more mph under the limit). If experience has taught me anything at all, it's that being inconveniently pulled over is likely to attract the slasher. Usually they'll go for the LEO first, but if you escape the odds are good that some blood spatter will make you a person of interest.
The key thing is that while you drive, keep it as boring as possible. No unnecessary stops, no offroading or other action. Save the witty dialogue for later. Think the most beige thoughts you can. Usually the editor won't cut back to you if you stay boring on the escape.
Don't forget, you always look in the back seat before driving away.
And the trunk, and underneath the chassis in case they're trying the ol' Cape Fear gambit.
Even if you drive a two-seater, check.
>Ha, I'm escaping on a motorcycle
>In the quarter second to turny head and look forward the killer has lifted up the back wheel (which also does a burnout of tire smoke while midair)
>Our hero has almost escaped
>Running to the car
>Just as you pass the rear driver, something catches your eye
>flip door open, one-handing rifle so you can manipulate the door
>Double tap
>It's the frickin' Scream guy
>How the frick did he get ahead of me?
>Credits
I would watch a show that's just five LARPers who work normal blue collar/office drone jobs by day and hunt slashers on the weekends as a side gig.
>each episode starts with the slasher killing some hapless (preferably busty and blonde) victim
>cut to slice of life with the fellas
>they pick up the job via a darkweb site that takes its design cues from MySpace
>convoy out to the local summer camp or whatever in a shitty pick up truck and a civic
>reconnaissance of the property, talking with the locals, etc.
>we watch the slasher pursue his victims via thermals/NODs
>LARPers intervene, hunt and are hunted in turn before finally bagging their quarry
>upload photographic proof of a job well done, get paid in Monero
>head back to their local bar to decompress
So a Bigfoot hunters version of Scooby Doo?
time to start a fundraiser
OK, but make the main characters five women of color. Also, no guns.
I love women but not colored ones
tbh I would watch like a Bkackhawk Down but with all female cast. They could even throw in a troony
The troony is the one that gets hit by the unexploded RPG.
Bonus points if one of the taliban soldiers makes a joke about dilating
>Blackhawk down
>Taliban
God, /misc/Black folk are so fricking moronic.
/k/ user try to go five (5) minutes without mentioning political talking points challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
Weapons are the only relevant political objects.
The A Team VS Jason
Have you ever played Hunter: the Vigil?
Stop killing blondes
There aren't many of us left in the world
>Save the witty dialogue for later. Think the most beige thoughts you can. Usually the editor won't cut back to you if you stay boring on the escape.
Then you might just die off camera to be found by the main cast
Sure, and that’s a gamble, but you also have even odds of just sort of being written out of the story. Not getting overconfident is a big part of us not ending up as the character who died to show the main characters and audience that they can’t escape.
Wouldn't that be dope if everyone gets massacred but you stayed in that position and killer left and police come and mock you for being a coward?
Then they confiscate your weapons and call you a suspect just out of spite and you go home and just get your penis cut off? Pretty raz if you ask me.
Is the corner you’re hiding in drywall? Michael Meyers and Jason could still take you from behind in most indoor situations.
i could imagine a drywall wall being vulnerable, but if you're hiding in a brick corner, you would probably be untouchable
i have altered the plan
>room made of bricks or concrete or something
>night vision monocular, big battery powered light, weapon light
>filing cabinet barricade with a claymore in a drawer, m203 with a hornet's nest round, backup 5.7 pistol, spare magazines, knife
Slasher bursts up through the concrete floor
gg no re
>Barrel of oil and cans of paint thinner and old pallets catch fire
>Dieing of smoke inhalation
>as you cough and eyes water get slashed
I say again
>RIP OP
That is clearly a block work wall he's coming through in
Oof, you forgot to look down. That floor ain't concrete bro.
The xenomorph is in the ceiling, and kills you
Hunt the spawn of the Devil down and destroy it.
I'd wear an explosive vest with a dead man's switch. If I die, I'm at least taking some limbs with me
You die in an ironic way like almost escaping but some flaming kitchen grease detonates your suicide vest accidentally and your head goes flying and lands in a silly way, like in a basketball hoop or hits the survivor through a glass window.
There's usually a supernatural component like a dammed soul manifesting with demonic powers because of some devil curse. Hence why the killer can "die" from getting shot or damaged but isn't dead because they're already dead and the curse remains.
My first guess would be to stay away from swimming pools or great heights. Both of these give you just enough time to realize you're about to die and explode in vain, so that the look on ypur face as it sinks in can be savored by the audience.
>Have 360 degree perfect visibility of everything all the time
>Any light flicker, blink or scene out of frame the slasher teleports impossibly in
>Ha, just kidding you only thought they did
>After a few false alarms the slasher actually appears and you get slashed
The only way not to be slashed is to only appear in tue first three minutes as a background character that flavors a transitional location, which also gives you a higher chance of being the slasher.
Look out honey, it's another one of them Jason types!
RIP OP
Claymore roombas
>faint 50s juke box music gets louder and louder
>stomp stomp stomp
>STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP
>WELL IM GETTIN' TIRED WORKIN' HARD ERRYDAY
>faint whistling noise
>chu cha cha Black person gets blown to fine charred bits like a piñata in a miniature thermonuclear explosion
>WORKIN' ERRYDAY NOT A' GETTIN' MUCH PAY
>STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP
>no caps, """legendary""" slasher axe gay as frick, already got a 3 different melee weapons with 10x the dmg
>music gets quieter again
>yes that's me in my long cadilla-
>stomp stomp stomp into the distance
With a fully automatic shotgun and multiple drum mags. 00 Buckshot
have a black friend that runs slow
I can't actually name three horror movies where the black guy dies first.
I can only name Scream 2
Then why is "black dude dies first" such a common phrase? Why have I heard people parroting it for twenty years both in real life and in media?
Its a continuation of the old trope of The black guy dies.
Black people rarely played the protag in old slasher movies. So they allmost allways ended up dead. So it kinda became a trope, like Final Girl.
How is it a trope if it never happens?
hide on top of water tower
>t. Croat
I think something's wrong with your water tower bro, it has some holes in it
Its how you get the water out.
The slasher movie convention in this situation is for the killer to appear behind you.
If you manage to fortify your position to the extent that it's not possible for the killer to appear behind you, then he's probably going to try waiting you out. Is there some kind of rescue coming? What do the rescuers have that you don't, that lets them go toe-to-toe with the killer?
I preemptively kill any other teens around with my pistol, depriving the slasher of his goal.
If that doesn't work and he still comes for me, I will strip nude and jerk off while I wait for him to make eye contact with me before I shoot myself depriving him of his last kill.
>Hasn't seen a single The Nerd Explains video.
>pathetic
My favorite one to think about using this hypothetical is Jeepers Creepers, since normal 9mm seems relatively useless against the monster. So grabbing like a .50cal or anything that can take chunks out of a heavily armored body would have to be used. Also luring it out to kill it and set up the shot would be a challenge.
No one's talking about Freddy Krueger but I mean, no matter if you have a gun in your dreams or not you're fricked. Only real solution is to try and stay awake but that's almost impossible.
Freddy is an evil spirit, it is internally consistent that normal weapons don't hurt him/he can reform himself. Jason Vorhees is inexplicably invulnerable to everything but water. Weird as Hell but not the worst troupe I've ever seen. It's still clumsy because Vorhees is portrayed as having a body where Freddy is understood to be noncorporeal. As Joe Bob Riggs from Monster Vision pointed out about the movie The Sandman, we the audience need to know the rules for the monster for it to be a good monster story.
This, it's such moronic writing.
>what if we dropped a nuke and he lived haha!
Comic book tier horseshit, pic very much related
Monster movies are kind of moronic for this reason. If you already know the monster is immortal, invincible and unstoppable then you're just watching gore/snuff porn with sentai effects. This was probably the point behind Funny Games (also Cabin in the Woods but that was much more direct)
Freddy would objectively be the hardest one to handle. You would need to bring him into the real world after sleeping then kill him. So you'd need to coordinate with a team or lay traps for when you bring him into our world. Either a friend waiting with a standard firearm or set claymores/IED's around your house for when he chases you. And that's a huge gamble, assuming he doesn't just outright kill you the moment you fall asleep
Shoot bad guy.
Without the super villain tier plot armor, you can survive most "survival" movies just by waiting out your opponents. See, it's not just that your weapons and vehicles and locked doors, stone structures, etc. get a lot more effective with the realism modifier. It's that just like in war of the world, the micro organisms go hog fricking wild on anything consumable. That crowd of zombies, they won't be functioning in about 4 days tops, even if you ignore they would cease functioning irl as their body died. (The body irl doesn't move by magic. It's a fragile and intricate machine that has to regularly complete many, many processes or no motion.)
So if you mean a survival horror with a hair or two of realism, in which case your budget department is going to chew your ass out hard, you can add many more enemies and friends to the story so you can afford to kill off more characters. This costs a shit ton of money in real life so it's why you don't see it done very often. Guns that don't do any damage is one of my biggest pet peeves about action and horror movies. That one is right up there with soldiers and professional warriors not knowing basic tricks and tactics. It's like frick man. Their whole life is combat but they make rookie mistake after rookie mistake. That's partly due to poor skill on the writing staff and also due to the cost of staging even a small scene. It's just cheaper to make everyone stupid, the enemy unbeatable for most of the movie, depending on if you need sequels or not, and crank out a dozen movies instead of one well crafted one, for the same price.
With my current equipment.
>Start by mag dumping 3 in Super X buckshot at legs.
>fall back
>Throw napalm molotov I've prepared for the occasion
>shoulder 5.56 AR 15
>unload all 7 of my mags into him
>Doesn't matter if I aim got 210 shots lel
>if he's still moving resort to my pistol
>magdump all but one
>if the fricker is still moving I shoot myself
Guess I could resort to mag dumping my K Kale 8 mm mauser as well. I can shoot it with a 1 sec delay between shots.
plate armor
Dude what ambush position you drew is deathtrap of ambusher.
Do you even play CoD?
>Armor piercing rounds
Can you name a slasher movie with a non supernatural slasher where the killer wore rifle plates? It's only ever Kevlar at best.
can never be too sure.
You'll just shoot a friendly instead. A cop, maybe a friend.
So I've only got a 1/3rd chance of shooting someone I care about then.
easy solution
To survive the slasher, one must become the slasher
>wait for teenagers to have sex
>break in, rape and kill them before the killer gets there
>UUOOOHHHHHHHH
Why would you use AP and then aim for the parts that are the least likely to be armored? Regular ball rifle ammo will go through 99% of all face shields/groin guards.
Id need an oven mitt and a half gallon of Nitroglycerin
Leave the premises and call the police.
>find myself in a creepy slasher movie setting
>feeling lonely and scared
>hear rustling in the bushes
>out comes a friendly doe, eyes sparkling
>instantly bond, she's my sidekick now
>decide to survive using slapstick humor together
>doe helps me set up comically large mousetraps
>we snicker, trying not to alert the killer
>create inflatable decoys of ourselves
>doe's decoy looks so real, almost pet it
>practice choreographed "sword fighting" with pool noodles
>doe accidentally whacks me, we both laugh
>killer approaches, time to put our plan into action
>doe distracts killer with her adorable prancing
>I slip on banana peel, killer chuckles
>use the moment to set up a net filled with feathers
>killer gets caught, looks like a giant chicken
>doe and I share a victorious high-five
>celebrate by having a picnic in the woods
>doe teaches me how to make flower crowns
>we wear them proudly, looking fabulous
>organize a dance-off, just the two of us
>doe and I perform a flawless tango
>we laugh and spin, love in the air
>killer defeated, doe and I inseparable
>live happily ever after, partners in crime
Didn't frick the doe, 0/10
Never too late for that
>After our flawless tango, doe and I sneak off to a secluded spot amidst the bushes
>moonlight filters through the leaves, casting a soft glow
>settle down, feeling each other's warmth and comfort
>share tender gazes, our connection deepening
>hand caresses the doe's soft fur, gentle touches exchanged
>whisper sweet nothings, hearts beating in unison
>laughter mingling with rustling leaves, love blossoms in this hidden sanctuary
>world outside fades away, leaving just the two of us
>united by shared experience and newfound love
>night unfolds, creating memories to last a lifetime
>stargazing together, finding solace in each other's presence
>trace patterns on each other's skin, exploring with curiosity
>nuzzle affectionately, a testament to our growing bond
>time seems to stand still, as we cherish every moment
>emerge from bushes, ready to face challenges together
>hand in hoof, inseparable and forever partners in crime
>step into the moonlit night, embarking on new adventures
didnt we have this thread already?
>didnt we have this thread already?
We've had every thread already. Dead internet is a thing.