>live next to parents
>dad makes huge mess of his garage and clutters it with projects he decides are "absolutely essential to complete", i.e. shit he does out of boredom
>puts a bunch of shit in my garage, basically takes up half with random fricking scraps of lumber, insulating foam, 7 different fricking ladders he has
>scatters a bunch of fricking straw and a liberal sprinkling of wood shavings across the entire floor
>clean it up
>he does it again
>give up on it
>have some tools scattered on workbench
>"anon you've turned your garage into a FRICKING PIGSTY"
>"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A HOUSE"
>his garage is essentially identical to pic related, less boxes and more random fricking machinery
I didn't mind sharing my garage with my dad, even when he would fricking complain constantly about it "being messy", but this is the last fricking straw.
Thanks for reading my blog.
>Thanks for reading my blog.
No problem. Idiots post nonsense here all the time.
I'd organize it neatly against one wall for him. Then I'd make a shoji screen divider to place in front so i wouldnt have to look at his shit and feel the need to post on a macramé and weaving website..
I get helping family but I two once suffered other people's crap in my garage. Gets old, load into truck and dump off at his place. Really want to send a message put in drive way with half asked tarp.
how come americans never finish the garage walls off?
coat of paint ever gonna happen?
>my garage
Doesn't sound like it's your garage. You aren't in charge of it. Maybe you should address that issue.
>Doesn't sound like it's your garage. You aren't in charge of it. Maybe you should address that issue.
the "live next to parents" almost certainly means they own the house.
My parents tried that shit with my garage until I took their shit to the landfill, you have to out-boomer them.
>live next to parents
yeah right
move out of your parents house homosexual or stop b***hing
Sounds very wholesome, say hi to your dad from me
change the locks on "your" house so he can't get in anymore.
Couldn't do that to my dad.
Plus, it'd just make him pissed and instead of being insufferable, he'd be outright hostile.
Cheers.
House next to parents house, their property.
Probably ought to move out, paying half their mortgage though, which is fricking tiresome.
Soon to be paying entirety of it, because they've retired and bought a property they can't afford.
>House next to parents house, their property.
>Probably ought to move out, paying half their mortgage though,
So it's their house. You are complaining about his mess in his other garage. And let me guess, you are paying half their mortgage and don't even have a rental agreement.
Frick, I'll call you son if you pay half my mortgage. I'll treat you like shit the same way he is so you'll feel right at home.
If they are my parents, and I pay half the mortgage (soon to be the whole mortgage), is it so much to ask of them to give me my autonomy?
I don't understand your angle, anon.
Are you saying I'm getting a shitty deal, or I'm being a c**t by wanting autonomy?
>is it so much to ask of them to give me my autonomy?
>I'm being a c**t by wanting autonomy?
Your dad is being a c**t about not respecting your boundaries. You might be a c**t for not making the boundaries with your parents clear. I strongly suggest you have an adult talk about this. If you aren't able to have an adult talk with your father, you are fricked.
>If they are my parents, and I pay half the mortgage (soon to be the whole mortgage), is it so much to ask of them to give me my autonomy?
You can't even ask to have your name on the title when you're paying 100%. No, you cannot ask for autonomy. You don't have what it takes.
Shit. I missed the part where you can't pay your own mortgage. No, you are a leech, benefiting from your dad's money. Be happy that he isn't doing anything inside the house and just wants to use the garage. Half the mortgage ought to mean that you get half the house. Quit being a crybaby.
"Did you forget that your garage is so cluttered that you started using mine?"
I wouldn't let my dad use my garage.... Well actually that's not completely true. I would let my dad, but only because he actually uses crafting skill to help me get shit done. If he wanted to use my garage just because he ran out of space and wasn't giving me anything in return, I'd tell him to go buy a shed. Either that or demand rent in the form of shelving to keep his stuff organized.
Tried that line, anon.
He gets shit done, but only shit he wants to get done.
He's been working on building a "pool" for 2 years now.
Probably spent 25,000 dollars in equipment rentals, materials, and what-not.
All my projects are "moronic."
>fixing up my shitbox of a car
>setting up machine shop in garage to make parts (essential when I leave August job to start company) - buying used lathe / mill, he thinks it's fricking stupid because "you shouldn't buy old garbage"
>epoxy coating floor in garage
>power-washing house
Have never asked for help with any of the projects.
He's still bothered by me "wasting time", i.e. not working in an office / helping him with his projects.
You've let him turn you into a doormat. Your value to him is purely how he can use you as an ATM and free labor.
Should I put my foot down?
I don't want to hurt his feelings though. He genuinely can be very kind, but other times, it's complete bullshit.
I'd say move as soon as you can. even a few miles away should be enough to help set better boundaries. The fact that he's literally interrupting you during work hours because he thinks you being home but not helping him is being lazy is toxic as frick.
You don't owe them if they're living beyond their means.
>I'd say move as soon as you can. even a few miles away should be enough to help set better boundaries
This but not better boundaries but any boundaries at all.
>theyre never going to respect your space because its their space + their lease + your paypig money. dipshit. leave them to choke. they can sell their house like adults
This. Better pay mortgage on your own property and take them in at your conditions after they fricked up. But what youve written so far let's me assume it would immediately form into the same situation you have right now. Your real problem is not growing up and make yourself independent from your parents (mentally that is, not financially). Happend to a lot of people i know. I don't know why everyone focusses on gaining finacial independence when you can do that at will at any point in time while setting healthy boundaries and getting your parents to respect and accept you as an adult is much more rewarding and difficult.
And yes the process is most probably not pretty and you may have to cut them of for a time. They will probably insult you for not helping out or blame you for doing all this shit to them which in reality they did to themselves and could have easily fixed by not being shit to you. Also being direct is often not helpful with boomers. You have to kind of manipulate them into behaving the way you want.
Sounds like you've got the typical boomer parents. Sorry, but there is no fixing him.
I lucked out with an oddball for a dad that is actually worthwhile... Can't say the same about my father in law or about and other man in that generation that I have met thus far.
In the end, the way he is, is the way he will always be. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can decide where the dog is allowed to go.
My dog pisses in the house. It's like she holds it until she gets inside so she can pee in her favorite corner of the kitchen. No more dog in the house. She stays outside unless the weather is bad. If she comes in, she goes in the garage or in a crate.
Your house, your rules. You just need to make the decision as to what that looks like with your dad and be firm about it. He may talk shit, but that's all it is. Shit. So ignore the shit talk and stand firm on whatever you decide.
From what he said the only reason he's paying their mortgage is because they're blowing tens of thousands on stupid shit they don't need.
OP said he is paying half the mortgage and lives on their property... Sounds like an information rental agreement to me. It doesn't matter what his parents spend their money on. If that is his reasoning for paying more than he thinks is fair, then he is just enabling them and cucked about as hard as can be.
I did tell him he needs to move since they're taking advantage of him as an ATM and free labor that don't respect his work or his own projects.
Put all his shit by his garage, he basically told you it was fine when he was getting pissy at you for putting up with his bullshit.
This definitely involves larger issues - the garage is just the flash point. This could includes:
-lack of self awareness on parents part
-power struggle over home ownership
-financial struggle
-dislike of you, you life choices, your homosexual lifestyle
My dad lets my sister live in a second home he owns. He has little respect for her boundaries. She has little respect for his ownership. It’s a constant source of conflict where both parties feel wronged. They each have a different mental “contract” they agreed to.
Basically you are in a negotiation with your father about where he keeps his things, and how he talks to you.
Another example. I’m a fricking mess and borderline hoarder. I also make my son clean up his room. It looks nicer than any of my areas. Although I feel I’m gentle with telling him to clean up, I can easily imagine me saying something jokingly like “damn it’s a mess in here” which he might take as criticism of him even though it isn’t meant that way. It’s the parent who smokes telling their kid they can’t smoke. I’m the drug addict dad who will fricking beat anyone who gives him drugs.
My dad helped me buy a car a few years back. The contract ( I’ve come to realize ) is that if he helps me financially he feels entitled toncriticize anything I do with that car. How often I get it waxed. Whether I buy aftermarket parts. Whether it has been recently washed. I have learned to be grateful for the gift. I make a point of thanking him for it every few months, even though. It was 10 years ago. Every time he replies with some like “well then Take better care of it” “yeah I’m a pretty nice dad aren’t I” or something far away from “you are welcome I’m glad I could help you out”. Which is what I say when people thank me.
My wife’s parents feel that because they raised her they are entitled to stay here whenever they want for as long as they want.
Drawing boundaries is challenging. Good luck.
To clarify anons, you are correct, it's not my property.
However, they dug themselves into a financial hole, and I have to change jobs so I can start paying their mortgage and expenses as of August, or else they're completely fricked.
They have the equity/credit score/whatever else, I have the income.
Am also a younggay, if this gives more context, 23.
Cheers, older anon.
I do try exercising the greatest amount of patience that I can muster up with my dad.
In fact, I oftentimes do thank my dad for things he has done in the past, even if it only ever elicits another critique.
I guess it's less so this particular garage conflict, and more so the greater picture -
My main problem is that it's not even a matter of critique at this point, but him actively fricking me over.
One example, which tangentially ties to his cleanliness standards, is that I've got work, and my dad's retired - they're also in pretty fricking bad financial trouble, while trying to maintain a lifestyle they cannot afford, and I'm in the process of a career change to make enough to support them financially.
So, he gets ideas for all sorts of random fricking projects - whether it be building a new shed for 10,000 fricking dollars, or deciding he wants to "reorganize" his garage, and make me do half the fricking work sorting through his garbage, on my one day off, or after work.
I also know that he means best, and in his head, this is "productive."
I wouldn't even say his ideas are "bad" - many of his projects are helpful in some manner.
Still, while paintings are pretty, you wouldn't try to paint a painting on the front fricking trenches in WW1.
Economy here is fricked, and they don't understand that they're facing borderline homelessness in 5-6 years if they keep this shit up, and they're dragging ME down with them.
I have tried explaining.
I have tried showing them.
I have tried helping, seeing if perhaps this gets them to calm down and "after this project, I promise I'll stop."
Cont.
Part of my work lets me work from home - I'm out doing field calls about 3 days a week, and the rest of the time, I'm working at home.
He assumes that "working at home" means I'm doing nothing.
Because we're next door neighbors, he will not hesitate to just fricking come in and start ringing the doorbell, to get me to come out and help with some random fricking project.
If I don't, he gets pissed, and says I'm just dicking around, because he doesn't understand the concept of working remotely. I have tried explaining.
He also thinks that when I come home, my existence pivots from wageslaving to existing to help him complete his random fricking projects.
When I explain that I have projects of my own, he says they're pointless.
>wrenching on car, need to replace parts because it's a shitbox, and I'd like to get it restored / safely driveable
>"the car is a shitbox anyways, you should just scrap it and buy a new car"
>explain I can't afford a 60,000 dollar leased car
>"you can just borrow my car"
>this happened a few years ago, when I was working part-time
>literally got fricked at work because I was 2 hours late, because they wanted to go shopping
>fortunately part-time job, but they started treating me like shit right after that, and I had to leave a few months later
There are no boundaries, because he assumes I'm mentally moronic.
And he assumes I'm mentally moronic because I don't see perfectly eye-to-eye with him.
I've tried compromising in every possible way, but it seems the only compromise he wants is to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants.
I think you're right, anon, and it is about the "homosexual lifestyle part".
Problem is, he grew up in a second-world shithole, and so, assumes everyone has to work 100 hours a week, by default.
He also assumes that this means "he put his time in", and can now do whatever he wants.
He started a family at 24, but, I kid you not, believes I ought to "work for 15 years and build up a nice safety net before I start a family."
Work 100 hours a week for 15 years, and then, as a fricking worn-out drone attempt to find a "nice girl to settle down with."
'till then, he wants for me to work.
He assumes that trying to start my own company providing the same services I already do for my work is a "waste of time".
He doesn't understand the way that jobs work out here, and he does the whole "well, you know, if you work extra hard, your boss will really notice it and push you up."
Just shit that doesn't work anymore, especially not in my industry.
Again, I'm only slightly spiteful about this, and by itself, it's kind of him to offer advice.
Even if the advice isn't always useful, I make sure to show gratitude for it.
But it's not enough, because I'm not doing everything he wants done, exactly the way he'd do it.
I understand he does it out of concern, and assumes he knows better, but he grew up under socialism and is completely fricking delusional about the way business works.
If I followed any of his advice, I'd be on the fricking streets in a month's time.
I understand I must sound like a spiteful teenager telling his father "it's not a phase", but he's genuinely fricking me over.
I don't mind, because I can keep it contained, but this is reaching levels of absurdity, especially with recent developments
At this point, I'm considering moving out.
Will, of course, visit them on a daily basis, but I think I ought to be a few streets away from them - both for his sake and mine, so I can actually do my fricking work and live my life, and pay for their frivolous spending.
Frick, meant to reply to
just move out and let them make stupid choices on their own
they are adults
trying to help family is very noble, but you just can't help some people
and at some point you have to start prioritizing your own life
Put all his stuff in storage and send him the bills when he doesn't pay some unlucky loser will inherit it.
He's shit testing you and you failed.
theyre never going to respect your space because its their space + their lease + your paypig money. dipshit. leave them to choke. they can sell their house like adults
Same shit different dad. He's a hoarder and serial buyer of dumb shit that pops into his feed that looks neat at the time, which he promptly forgets about and doesn't care about. Had a 6' high stack of Amazon boxes off the porch and into the front door, and my one that I put on the stack to be thrown away with the rest of them was noticed immediately.
>Who put this box here?!?
Don't mind the splinter in their eye until you pull the plank out of yours type of shit.
>hey dad
>Noticed a few boxes of stuff that you had left in the garage, how are you feeling with those?
>Ok, I'm probably going to have a garage sale on (arbitrary date), would you like to pull them or should I just throw like $40 on them?
>Do you want to bring anything else over for the sale?
Whatever bullshit of his you don't sell, he'll bring back to his place. If he doesn't just say "oh, Daddyanon, don't forget your paperweights!"