how do i shit in the woods?
a good friend of mine invited me to go camping with him for the eclipse. i think it's a great opportunity but i have never done this.
i don't care about all the other stuff, i can figure it out, but i am very worried about the shitting situation.
i cannot remember the last time i shit at a place that wasn't a home. i wipe my ass with baby wipes and if i'm staying somewhere, i will bring baby wipes. i almost always shower after taking shits, it's just a habit.
it also takes a frickload of wiping. i don't know what the deal is.
so, i'm concerned about this. i'd like to be okay with it because i want to do more long-term outdoor stuff, but i don't want to be sweating and hiking later with a dirty butthole.
We are back to these threads?
Imagine being such a limp wrist sissy you can’t shit
it's a bot thread
It has an odd fattish with defecation and posts the poop threads periodically.
>fattish
Is that like a half-chub?
I think it's a British slang or something.
>fa'ish
>how do i shit in the woods?
hold a tree
I use a river, if there isn't one immediately available, I use a large sealable bag and toss the whole thing in the next water source I find.
Never, frickin ever, shit in water sources.
And yet I still do.
Wow what an untameable rogue you are. Dig a hole homosexual
real-life walking $oyjack
This. One time I forgot a sealable bag and had to hike for miles to the nearest river while carrying my reeking feces in an open grocery bag, but that's just the price we pay for being true outdoorsmen.
I really hope this is larping, but the mere fact that most yuppie hikers probably do actually do this shit is horrible. My God we're so fricked as a species.
stop rage clicking on social media and go outside.
and shit in it.
You are shitting in a water source, what the frick is wrong with you? To what purpose does it serve to contaminate fresh water with your fecal matter?
Bury your shit in the ground you fricking mongoloids.
YOU LITTLE SHIT, KNOCK IT THE FRICK OFF!
once I've pooped in it, you can't unpoop it
You're an absolute menace.
>moronic animals contaminate their water supply all the time, therefore I should also act like a fricking moronic animal.
>therefore I should also act like a fricking moronic animal
Correct, we are, for the most part, fricking animals. As for the water, it's not like the wild animals drinking it are going to get sick from any potential human gut bacteria, those frickers are immune to that and its most definitely not like any humans drinking it wouldn't boil it first, even if it's guaranteed no other humans took shits in it. It makes absolutely no difference if someone shits in a river, pond, or creek every now and then, because the water in it is already riddled with all kinds of bacteria and potential parasites. I suppose the only cases where it can make a significant difference is fricking India where those morons in millions shit and drink and die in that stupid shit river of theirs
Ever see that episode of Red Dwarf where they get to earth, but everything is running backwards?
>infinite rivershitting through time manipulation
Black person, there's parasite filled animals shitting and dying in that water already anyway, it makes no difference if 1 or 2 humans shit in it on rare occasions
Are you fricking moronic?
>[angry shovelcuck sounds]
kek
>moron sounds
>your mom tells you not to shit on the bathroom floor
>”and yet i still do”
How cute
it's not that i can't shit it's that i've lived my whole life not shitting in the woods and the concept of it is not pleasant.
do you just carry around a bag of shitty toilet paper? how does it work?
>do you just carry around a bag of shitty toilet paper? how does it work?
you bury it you complete moron.
found the third worlder who can't flush his toilet paper.
find thin tree to hold for support
dig a hole
pull down pants to knee height or off one leg completely
squat
poopenfarten
wip
throw paper in the hole or wipes in bag for burning
disinfect hands
>Step one: Dig a hole, use a rock, trowels are for pussys.
>Step two: Pull your pants way down and squat over the hole
>Step three: Ensure your pants and other clothing are out of the line of fire, spread your thighs a decent width apart so you don't have to worry about sideways hangers or smearing, and if you're a guy I recommend grabbing your nutsack and pulling it out of the way (That is if you have big hanging balls like me). Also if you're the type to piss when you take a shit then make sure your feet aren't in front of your potential stream, many a short sighted anon misaligned their angles and by the time you're in motion theres no stopping what comes next.
I hope this helps.
>it also takes a frickload of wiping. i don't know what the deal is.
Diet: allergens (milk/gluten), lack of fiber
Lack of movement helping the gut to form solid stool
Other health issue. See a doctor as gut health is fundamental for overall health.
Eat MREs the whole time and you won't shit.
Haha! Saw this in rangers office during my last backpacking trip
pull trousers to above the knee and squat, if you pull them all the way down you shit/piss in your own trousers.
baby wipes are a good call. I use kitchen roll and water. best to wipe with dry kitchen roll first then baby wipes or water.
t. cleanest butthole on the mountain.
Wet wipes don't breakdown you find them in water ways everywhere these days. Fricking gross, wipe your ass with toilet paper and water.
They sell biodegradable ones.
that take 200 years to degrade
naw
>he is so neurotic because of his modern, "civilised" life that he struggles to comprehend simply shitting in nature
Imagine being tied to the porcelain israelite lmao. Pull your pants to your knees, squat down and let your shart out in a place that isn’t the mart. My actual pro tip is to find somewhere sheltered from the wind as having shitty toilet paper getting blown around fricking sucks. Also dig a hole to bury your paper in.
can i bury wetwipes or is that a faux pas?
i can't just use dry toilet paper like a fricking philistine.
Just use some moss or use your water to wet a paper towel or something. Leaving wet wipes in nature, even buried, is Black personjeet tier behaviour.
Better than leaving them out, biodegradable or septic safe is better, packing them out in an odor-proof would technically be the best.
The travel bidet thing really works and after trying wet wipes, tp, leaves, etc. it is by far the best. Only exception is if you're in a situation with very limited water but that's not that often.
You are probably dehydrated.
Use rocks and sticks to wipe. Use water to wipe with your hands when there's no shit coming off the rocks anymore.
that's a perfect way to fall assfirst into your pile and make a mess
lol me, got UC and I shit only 6-7 times on a good day
here's how you do it noobs, find a tree that's fallen over, flat terrain works, but it's best you go uphill and find a fallen tree, it'll usually angle itself good enough to sit on it, preferably a tinier, but sturdy tree and it's a bonus if it's got moss growing on it, if matters arent that urgent, dig a hole and aim for it, pic kinda related
Dick over the log in front or back?
Depends on your sexuality.
ah that depends on how big the log, dick and coinsack are, but for me it hangs behind the log because you have to pop your ass far back for it to work anyway
As a sufferer of ulcerative colitis and thus being someone who at any point may need to explosively shit anywhere at any time with about 1 minute of warning, I appreciate this thread.
Camping/innawoods should be much higher on my list of hobbies than it currently is...
Hello fellow UC sufferer. Indeed 6-7 times on a mediocre day for me. Some days are normal 1-3, others I get well into the double digits. Question - Does being aware that there is no bathroom immediately nearby (either by there not being one physically or you being in a situation where your attention/waiting is required outside of your control) seem to induce needing to go?
Hello, fellow cursed one. Not really, probably even somewhat the opposite, but I don't think it's got much to do with thinking about it. When content reaches the infected parts of the colon, the colon's response is to always throw it out ASAP, so it'll give you a push no matter what.
I've shit myself plenty of times in all kinds of situations and locations, but in the woods at least you yell your companions away, drop the trousers and let hell loose on a poor, unsuspecting bush. The best one was, we made it to the top of a mountain range, which serves as the border between 2 countries and the gutrumble happened, not unlike a faraway thunder in the sky. I managed to waddle over to the other country's land, prayers in mouth, sweat on the brow, found a big boulder mostly buried in the ground, with a crack that separated it through the middle. Like the gods themselves put it there, on top of the mountain, for my ass to find it's place on the crack of that ancient stone.
Only me and the lord above know how much land my ass has desecrated
Damn. Record amount of shit dispersion. Tbh the plant life is probably thriving in those areas.
Mine started probably 7-8 years ago, I was still living with parents, I would randomly get bright red bloody shits but that was my only symptom, zero urgency etc. Only happened a couple times.
Nothing happened until like a year after I moved out on my own. Flare hit me pretty bad.
Got checked out and Doc referred to GI specialist, wanted to do scope. Got the scope. Got put on steroids to stab out the flare and then maintenance meds.
Now about 5-6 years later from that I've had like 3 pretty debilitating flares. There was a period I had no active inflammation and barely knew I had the disease anymore besides having to take meds but it's just been pretty bad recently. Ended up getting another scope (my 4th(?) one now?) and it looked like most of my colon is pretty clean but I have proctitis near my ass. Took some meds for that but they only helped like 50% so I gotta get back with my GI doc and I think he's gonna wanna put me on some sorta new meds.
All in all this shit has been really bad for my mental health and its become hard to get properly PrepHole anymore as I just never feel up for anything...
Do you notice yours getting better around summer when the sun is out? I feel like I am in a better spot in summer and the worst of my flares seem to be around late fall... I also have low D and I did some research into that. I take supps. Best I could find was a correlation between UC and low D but the study was inconclusive whether it's a cause or a symptom. I'm unironically considering a UV therapy lamp or getting a gym membership for the tanning beds alone to see if it helps. I've pitched it to my GI doc but he doesn't seem to want to hear it.
>Took some meds for that but they only helped like 50% so I gotta get back with my GI doc and I think he's gonna wanna put me on some sorta new meds.
I had a big one in May of last year, ended up in a hospital for a week. Lost over 35 pounds in a month cause I couldn't eat at all. They started me on Humira since July or August. I've had a total of 4 cameras up my ass over the years now. Also, had a nasty fistula last January, that was an adventure too.
>this shit has been really bad for my mental health and its become hard to get properly PrepHole anymore
Yeah there's that, camping and extended outdoor stuff is way more difficult now. Try not to let that stuff get to your head too much. I try not to let it define me, even though everyone around me knows that I'm a serial shitter now.
>Do you notice yours getting better around summer when the sun is out?
Frick yeah, totally. I think it's more to do with the temperatures and change of seasons, as something in the immune system activates and starts nuking the intestines, rather than vitamines or mineral deficiencies. Winters have been suffering for me the last 3 years because of the cold. I workout and keep a good diet, plus supplements, but still shit the bed. I don't know about the UV stuff or sunlight in general, but yes, definitely summertime is much, much better.
Here's the thing, I am on ~100mg of Tramadol+paracetamol twice a day since probably September and without that, life would be extremely miserable. The tramadol eliminates ANY pain, bloating, shivering, farting or all other symptoms, except for when it comes to needing to shit, I've got 2 minutes to find a place, 2 minutes tops
>hospital
Christ you sound like you have it worse than me. How old are you and how long have you had it? I'm 30. I haven't had a hospital trip yet. My initial flare I almost went to the ER. I was sitting there on the pot with the door open and my girl is sobbing on the phone with like her insurance urgent care line at like 11pm on a Sunday we just had no idea wtf was going on.
>serial shitter
Yeah all my close friends know and accept this part. Honestly couldn't ask for a better support network. It's all good on that front. Most of my struggles are internalized and, really, probably more self imagined than anything. GF keeps me fed with healthy food, don't eat much fast food, I barely ever drink alcohol anymore. But nah everyone in my close network knows what's up, I keep them up to date and we make it work. It's just hard to go PrepHole sometimes.
>summer
Glad I'm not the only one. I am pretty convinced it's a vitamin D thing for me, vitamin D is known to help immune function and inflammation. I have started more regularly exercising which is supposed to help with inflammation in general as well. I gained quite a bit of weight during a "down" period I wasn't doing much. Went from like 180 in 2018 to around 225 in 2023. I'm 5'10". After my recent scope (~1mo ago) I decided enough was enough and started trying to exercise. My pants are already looser.
>meds
I take 4.8g of mesalamine per day as maintenance. have since beginning. spread over 2 doses am pm. I give it like 6/10 I still have symptoms but FRICK would I notice if it was gone.
the 2 or 3 flares I have had they used Budosenide taper to reduce inflammation except this most recent one which I got a hydrocortisone suppository which worked just OK.
Budosenide fricking works great but ofc you don't wanna be in steroids long term. If I take that my symptoms are completely gone in a week. Insane. I wish that was safe long term.
>How old are you and how long have you had it?
26 in 2019 when it first showed up pretty bad, 30 now as well
>support network
Me too man, everyone around me seems to have accepted my ass' prolificity
>4.8g of mesalamine
I'm on 3g, granules, the Tramadol is a very mild opioid-like painkiller, numbs everything and makes me want to do all kinds of stuff again. Never steroids again, I avoid that like the plague.
>I have started more regularly exercising
Good, do that, but careful with the heavy stuff that put pressure on the core. I'm dead certain at least 2 of my severe inflammations were because of deadlifting like a moron
Well, you can always not shit. What kind of a man can’t go a few days without shitting? No man at all. A weak little poop butt.
Had to take an emergency shit yesterday in the darkness. Was driving in the middle of nowhere and was gonna shid my pants. Ran into the darkness and pooped. Took a flash pic out of curiosity
Shit thread
I prefer to squat and shit, feels very natural. just make sure you pee first or your gonna piss all over your shoes.
you'll be fine. shitting in the woods is acgtually much more relaxing as long as you go far enough into the woods that you're all alone. 10/10
serious question what's the point of digging a hole? nothing else does
not stepping in it yourself or someone else, plus it allegedly le contaminates the local flora or whatever hippie bullshit
There's no point. Lots of animals excitedly eat shit
It's to bury the toilet paper, and rightly so.
Why do you even have to ask this, have you never been camping?
I put the toilet paper in a bag and throw it away in a trash can later. Are you seriously just leaving TP on the ground and burying it? That's an autistic amount of effort
How many days are you going to be gone? When I go out for a couple days my body just naturally doesn't shit until I get home. Otherwise, you just dig a small hole and shit in the hole, and cover it up. Go off trail and don't shit near water sources. Don't worry about wiping, you're outside and you're going to smell like shit no matter what you do.
You dont?.... Wipe your ass after you shit? Anon...
It's the precedent Anon, you're engaging in a course of action that is absolutely moronic rather than just diggin a whole and shitting in it. You're choosing to leave behind more contaminants by shitting in the water as opposed to not being a lazy frick and actually burying it in the ground where it can become fertilizer.
>When theres no alternative
When the frick is there never not not an option to pop a squat? You're going out in nature, comfort is not naturally occurring, if you want comfort then why not stay in doors and stream wildlife documentaries you fricking queer.
Gathering fire wood for basic survival is way different then shitting over a log when you can just squat, you've single handedly made the job of shitting even harder for yourself, and I guarantee you're lazy ass isn't even digging a hole to properly bury your Death From Above Kamikaze pods, unless everytime you're taking a shit out there you're:
https://www.reddit.com/r/FiftyFifty/comments/dwjvz2/5050_guy_shits_in_basketball_hoop_on_the_toilet/
Unironically based.
you fricking moron seriously lack comprehension abilities
>the old squat, it's what to do when there's no alternative
to
>When the frick is there never not not an option to pop a squat?
moronic
>comfort is not naturally occurring, if you want comfort then why not stay in doors and stream wildlife documentaries you fricking queer
comfort is what humans have been making for themselves since humans exist, you dumb, inbred, bald imbecile, what the frick are you even larping as? some tough guy? you take it up the ass more often than your mom did in college
>did you just wash your hands in the river? might as well just stay at home at the sink and stream wildlife documentaries you fricking queer
>did you just gather some straw for a softer and warmer bedding? might as well just stay at home on the mattress and stream wildlife documentaries you fricking queer
>did you just catch a fish to cook on the fire? might as well just stay at home where the fridge and oven are and stream wildlife documentaries you fricking queer
>neurotic homosexual whos' afraid of squatting in the woods to take a shit
I'm the log guy, I'm not afraid of doing the old squat, it's what to do when there's no alternative, done it a hundred times and then some, just saying that we evolved a brain to figure out how to do some stuff more comfortable when we have the means to. It's why you gather wood to start a fire, and why you gather rocks to surround the fire with, it's why you sometimes dig a hole to start the fire in. I'll accept that kind of cringe criticism if you're go out naked and sleep on the ground, because using whatever nature provides to your advantage in no harmful way to itself is too normie for you dedicated outdoorsmen.
I also don't have AIDS, that's something only you can relate to, on account of the rampant sodomism you've been the receiving end of
You do know that
is fake right? I shit in the tire tracks of atv and jeep trails so when they roll back past, they get shit splattered up their sides.
>ITT: newbies who can't stop eating the fresh steaming brown squishy bait off the forest floor.
I remember the brief golden age of PrepHole when a river shitter troll could post again and again and No One responded.
Everyone of you who got upset and just Had to "Show the Darn Dirty River Pooper What For!", you are the disease infesting PrepHole.
yes the troll posted. this is PrepHole.
trolls gonna troll.
you ate the bait.
you are the problem.
trolls aren't going to leave or change when you keep giving them blowjobs.
But if everyone used to ignore them, why are they still here
because they can smell your autism from the other boards.
i think wet wipes are fine. i tried a couple brands, put them in a jar of water and shook them up. the cottonelle wipes come apart pretty well. website says they're cellulose and septic safe and whatever. i wouldn't just wipe your ass with that, but i don't think it's a big deal to use toilet paper and then a wet wipe. it's shitty paper, it'll break down in nature.
With the pants pulled down fricking turd.
Are you me?
Take off pants and keep casually walking
dig hole
shit
use a TP sized square of cut wool blanket
bury it
wipe with paper, clean with baby wipes so you can save baby wipes that way
burn it
that's why you have a fire
In addition to all the info in this thread id like to add that a package of baby wipes really goes a long way, you can take like 20-30 wipes out of a larger package and put them in a ziploc, even add a little more water so they dont dry out. You bury them with your shit. I've shartenpoopen without burying it before, not my problem
shit on trails, so city posers will step in your shit
Hold it in. Imagine being such a pussy you can't hold your shit for less than a week while PrepHole.
Shave your ass so wiping is cleaner and you don't have a bunch of sweat and shit remnants in your ass hairs.
huh PrepHole is the last place I thought I'd get an advice to shave my ass at, do I wipe the mounds entirely, or just around the rim?