HES ALIVE

Krustnetsov is on the move and has not sunk or exploded yet. Containment crews report that the rape dwarves continue to man the boiler room, VDV units are on anti sub watch, the ass is, quite possibly, in the ass

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sinking that poor thing would be a mercy killing.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Every time its active its a sailing ecological disaster

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >no smoke
    There should be a rule against AI fakes

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >no smoke
      oh no
      OH NO
      CONTAINMENT BREACH CONTAINMENT BREACH CASE NIGHTMARE WHITE IS ACTIVE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

      • 2 months ago
        Fledgling Investor

        Dude, chill, sometimes electing the Antipope takes a while.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      There's no smoke because it's being towed.

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >kurznestlé moving under her own power
    truly the april fools feint of the century

    • 2 months ago
      Poor Investor

      its being pulled by a tug in the photo

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        why don't they just weld a tug to it if it always needs one?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I'm not worried by the tug. I am worried about the Umbrella Corporation float.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    what is dead can never die

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Total
      Ironborn
      Eradication

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    https://profilpelajar.com/article/Russian_aircraft_carrier_Admiral_Kuznetsov
    >filename from 2017

    Come on, OP, don't be a poojeet.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Check the date cumrag, todays date…

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >file:///MilitarySportsHoliday2017-03.jpg
        >corroborated by pircrel, displayed at the bottom of the article
        You are either brown by disingenuity, or brown by pure stupid.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        How fricking stupid do you think we are?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >some homosexual on /k/
          Pretty fricking stupid

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >some homosexual on /k/
          Pretty fricking stupid

          It’s April fools day you turbo Black folk

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      this is how stupid the balt-gays that plague this place are

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Alright Anons, you've just been appointed to a high paying role at the Russian MoD.
    But before you rush home to knock off a bottle of fine Russian Vodka and then vomit it into your plumbed, indoor toilet (Shoigu is really taking care of you) - you must unfrick the Russian naval aviation situation.
    Putin absolutely wants a carrier with an air wing, how do you do it?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Ask for a quadrillion rubles
      >Half of said rubles go to my pockets, use it to buy a villa on the French riviera that will get inevitably seized
      >Try to build a carrier for 15 year
      >Fail
      >Order an Iranian carrier made out of a container ship instead

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I don't. I just embezzle all of it and blame it on the Ukrainians.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >make big show of spending massive amounts of rubles on Kuznestov refit
        >contractor just happens to be my nephew-in-law
        >scuttle Kuznestov with bomb
        >FRICKING HOHOLS WHAT AIR DEFENSE DOING
        >buy yacht

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Russia is doing fine without a navy so just embezzle it. Like seriously what do they do beyond provide shoes coverage for missiles that already have the range to be launched from the ground? maybe some cargo hauling?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >sell my ass to Satan, do whatever I possibly can do get the ship to be able to move under it's own power at any speed
      >convince Xi that we need to do a joint exercise in the Pacific with our carriers to counter HATO expansion
      >while Xi isn't looking, use whatever VDV and helicopters aren't Ukrainian worm food to take over the Kuznetov's sister ship
      >pretend the nicer looking one was always ours, block Xi's number, and retire to a villa in Scotland while someone else unfricks the air wing.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Ask for China to sell the Liaoning back to them (Ukraine sold it first). They’d have to change the electronics and many signs would be replaced from Chinese to Russian, but it’s certainly doable.
      If they refuse, they definitely won’t build you one as well, so you’re shit out of luck. I guess I’ll just take the polonium tea, be admitted to the top floor of the hospital and fall out a window.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Pakistan got first dibs

        Granted they're likely going for the smaller Type 075 LHD but who knows what those muslim pajeets will to one up their hindu frienemy

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Step 1. Use Indian labor. The ship breakers must clear all rooms, and do a detailed cleaning. They will be paid in Vodka, and the opportunity to serve as well paid and well equipped Russian Mercenaries on the western front.

      The navy requires 10 men per small room and 30 men per large room. The ship must be stripped of all existing equipment. A designated technical representative from the navy will indicate what structure must remain, all other structure may be removed.

      Step 2. Drydock it.

      Step 3. Use prison labor with thermal lances, mag drills, stick welders, bulk sheet metal and more 3M structural adhesive than you can shake a defense ministry at.

      Step 4. Use the Indian mercenaries to refuel several cold war era nuclear reactors. Liquidate.

      Step 5. Install newly made state of the art nuclear reactors into the ship, behind several layers of lead shielding. Seal. Do not open. Reactors will be on open cycle to ocean. Dual use as pump jet propulsors.

      Step 6. Deploy the naval engineers to the western front. They will be paid on return. Redeploy as required.

      Step 5. Staff the ship with somoli pirates.

      Step 5. Attack the nuclear powered somoli pirates, protecting the people of the baltic region.

      Step 5. Gain glory.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >step 6
        >step 5
        >step 5
        >step 5
        I read this as
        >Step 5. Install newly made state of the art nuclear reactors into the ship...
        was a total failure and you're stuck doing this instead of the actual step 5, which is probably accurate

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Attack the nuclear powered somoli pirates, protecting the people of the baltic region.
        failing that, join them and help them a new Atomic Pirate Tzardom of Greater Somalia/Snow Somalia.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Snow Somalia.
          Shortened Snowmalia

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      stick a bunch of An-2s on a cargo ship with a torsion catapult to launch them.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      DESU, just get a whole bunch of tug boats, conscript some car mechanics and sparkies, tell them they get honour of fixing Glorious super-carrier, instead of greater honour of death in WW1 battlefield.
      Only run the engines enough to do flight stuff, everything else is controlled by an orkish second command citadel to direct the four to eight tug boats driving the thing, welded to the hull.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        why don't they just weld a tug to it if it always needs one?

        This is actually genius. Of course carrier can move under own power, has build in tugs*~~

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Start welding tugs and assembling secondary engine and steering setups.
          >Try to get crew (hypnotized thralls and cultists by now) to maintain them (they won't).
          >Avoid even touching the God-Admiral Krustnetsov's (slowly spreading) internal horrors, and just board up the doors to its internal horrors.
          >Just keep slapping shit on the sides, welding new boats, engines, turrets or whatever as needed, until you've got somewhere between a daemon engine, a plague hulk (ship), and some eldritch leviathan of the sea.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >tell them they get honour of fixing Glorious super-carrier, instead of greater honour of death in WW1 battlefield.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Buy one from China complete with Chinese Sukhois

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    How hard is it to gut the damn thing off its 1970s tech and rebuild it whilst still maintaining its basic hull?

    China took their sweet time refurbing its liaoning and now they're much better than Kuznetsov, design flaw aside

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      the Indians who refurbed the other hull into Vikramaditya have always complained that it would have been ultimately cheaper to build from scratch, which should be a problem familiar to anyone who's tried refurbing old shit before.

      then again, bear in mind that that was pajeets doing it with snownig labour and assistance, which is a Michelin star recipe for a colossal frickup no matter what

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    So, why that POS doesn't have ERA blocks?

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >VDV units are on anti sub watch
    sure are! dedicated fellas

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Event Kuznetsov has re-appeared from the warp and its smog trail can be seen over the horizon. Do you run or stay and fight and risk losing yourself to the madness that emanates forth from its depths?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      We must fight, for if no one stands we all fall to chaos. Glory to the Emperor! CHARGE!

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >A ramp

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >GAS GAS BLYAT GAS WEEEE

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    There is too much water around it.
    F

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    It floats under it's own buoyancy!

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Does it? Are we sure it's not something where the water simply rejects the Kuz in its unnatural impurity?

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    imagine if R*ssia needs to buy back the cope slope carriers and knock off SU-33's from the chinks in order to have carriers

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