Defeat the Crocodile!

Oh noes! You have lost ALL YOUR WEAPONS!
And now there is an angry crocodile coming at your house! You must kill it, but you can only use improvised stuff you have lying around. No, your explosives and bows can't be used either.

How will you defeat this mad brute?
Makeshift spears? spring-loaded spike-throwers? Super soaker filled with petrol to make a flame thrower?
Defend yourself!

250 Piece Survival Gear First Aid Kit

LifeStraw Water Filter for Hiking and Preparedness

250 Piece Survival Gear First Aid Kit

  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I hit it with my truck, moron

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Good luck with that, moron.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Oh no my truck is fricked.
        On the upside, so is the croc.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        My trucks are quite capable of damaging croc and I can easily fix whatever it does to one. Note croc in photo is fricking dead.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >Note croc in photo is fricking dead.
          Not from being run over, dickhead.

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    the weapon of a temperate climate

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    *unzips dick*
    *teleports behind you*
    "See you later, alligator"

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      it's a croc tho

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Suck my croc and balls, you fricking reptile

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        in a while, crocodile

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Not after anon is done with it.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        It's a reptile waifu/onahole try to keep up.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    muh dik is lying around

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I frick ya mudda

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Lawnmower

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >lawnmower

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I just stay inside playing vidya and call the coppers to come get the thing.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd call the police-It's illegal to be a crocodile

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Stick

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Or beat it with a chair or guitar or something, kick it to death or something. They've never struck me as being particularly intimidating outside the water , I'm probably laughably wrong on that I'm unlikely to meet one.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >They've never struck me as being particularly intimidating outside the water
      within limits you're right, but a saltwater croc is still 2000lb of pure hate and they can whip their tail to knock you off balance while they swing around to bite you

      on dry ground you're best to just zig-zag run away; in the water any deeper than your calves, probably just pray to your god and say goodbye

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I didn’t think they got that big…

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          saltwater crocs truly are monsters

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            they never stop growing

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I quickly create a homecooked meal and feed it to the crocogator. By the time it is done eating the first meal I serve it a second. I keep doing this until it either dies of lifestyle diseases or wistfulness at how it hasn't eaten a homecooked meal in forever.

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I let the crocodile do what he wants - escalating would only prolong the fighting and lead to more violence

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      The croc ties you up, robs you, then torches the house with you still inside. How do you respond?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        heh, at least I'm not fighting for my israeli landlord

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    does a nugget bayonet count if I found it in a closet when moving in? because if I get to keep that its going on the end of the pool stick I found in that same closet

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn't kill it. I'd listen to what it had to say, and that's what no one else did.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Everyone says "See ya later alligator" but no one ever says "It's nice to see you".

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >Everyone says "See ya later alligator" but no one ever says "It's been a while, crocodile"
        tftfy

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I run over the body with one of my trucks and park on top of it. If it escapes good for it but otherwise I'll enjoy fried gator tail that evening.

    I have two doors, multiple trucks and they're parked such that lizardboi cannot cover both exits. If it escapes then I toddle over to my machine shop and to meet OPs stupid preconditions I fab a cage trap, bait then end with a live chicken and when gator is trapped in the entrance chute I ram a spear through its side then leave it to bleed out.

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A simple molotov wienertail. Worst case scenario, a ryobi 10 inch chainsaw

  17. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >broom
    >duct tape
    >knife
    >duct tape knife to non-brush part of broom
    >stab

  18. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    What the frick is the difference between a tool and a weapon exactly? This is way too vague

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      That would actually work really well.
      About the only way to kill a gator is a penetrating shot to the brain. The spike end on that would do it. Assume croc is same.
      Basically, run around letting it chase you until the croc's exhausted, then spike it through the head. Hope you don't miss; that's a short handle.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        no, do NOT let it chase you, crocs are fast as frick. It is also NOT a short handle, best bet would be to move as calmly and slowly as possible before striking so the fella doesn't just rush rough

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Retiles tire pretty quickly compared to humans. Gators and crocs are designed to grab and pull stuff into water, not chase on land. They are fast, but only in bursts.
          As for that pick, look at the distance from toe to spike. It's like 3 feet. The head of a man eating gator from snout to brain is a foot. You're pretty close in my book to the bite end of that gator w that thing. And cross are even bigger

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      A weapon is a tool for killing. All weapons are tools, but not all tools are weapons.

  19. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I close the door. good luck getting inside without thumbs.

  20. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This is the most Florida video I think I’ve ever scene.

  21. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Cast iron skillet to the dome is a proven method

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I met King Kai last year. Really awesome character.

  22. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Dumbfrick's got stubby little legs. I sit in my truck bed and toss glass bottles and drain cleaner into his mouth while he ineffectively tries to bite me from ground level.

  23. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I look him in the eyes and calmly tell him that biting and/or drowning people is against the law.
    If he does not back down I notify law enforcement and try to deescalate the situation through reason and remaining calm.
    There’s never a need to stoop to their level.

  24. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I befriend the creature and enjoy the privilege of existing in the same time as one so ancient

  25. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I killed an alligator once with a wrecking bar. I figure I could probably do the same to a croc if I can catch it on land. If he is t on land he's no concern of mine.

  26. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    smack it with a tree branch.

  27. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I shall kill it with kindness

    I'm canadian btw

  28. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Go upstairs dragging a long tarp behind me
    >secure the tarp so the stairs is a slip and slide
    >casually ladle bad dragon cum lube from my oil drum of bad dragon cum lube onto tarp
    >alligator never gets upstairs

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You now have a cum lubed croc roaming your house. Are you man enough to finish the job (and livestream it for the rest of us degenerates)?

  29. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >How will you defeat this mad brute?
    befriend him

  30. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I scare it away with my vacuum cleaner.
    If it works on a dog, it'll work on a croc.

  31. 1 month ago
    1-Bravo-Foxtrot-Alpha

    Picrel is how I win

  32. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >tripgay

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Go get eaten by an alligator

  33. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    wrestle it and duct tape its mouth shut, or just run at it with a bunch of zip ties. Either way it's the closest thing I'm getting to deathclussy

  34. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A broom.

  35. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    My pingas is all I need

  36. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    feed it corn syrup under a 5G tower and make it watch youtube videos about the holocaust with subliminal sissy programming

  37. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Grab metal pole and duct tape
    >Jump onto crocs back and shove metal pole into its mouth forcing it to bite down onto said pole
    >Duct tape its mouth shut with the pole still inside.
    >CRIKEY, MATE!

  38. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    2 words, steel toed boots

  39. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Do I have to kill it? Yes? Fine, Shovel. Couple thumps with the flat side to stun it and then a couple chops with the edge to kill it.

    > Super soaker filled with petrol to make a flame thrower?
    What the hell? This is more dangerous to you than the Croc. The dumb lizard is diving under water at the first sign of fire while you have a somewhat flammable house.

  40. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Did Scootie win it?

  41. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Pet it

  42. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    It's snowing, (cold) blud aint doing shit

  43. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    just knock 'em in the head with a stump

  44. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I’ll just fire bomb the fricker with molotovs on the driveway. Your move you croccy frick!

  45. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    cast arn

  46. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Let loose my cat on it

  47. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I will make him my ally and we will destroy our foes

  48. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Run it over with my car.

  49. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I'd give it back scritches with a big broom, they seem to enjoy that.

  50. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Lock the doors and shut the garage door
    >Call the local fish cops
    >Ayyy lmao come get this big moron lizard
    >I’m in fricking northern Canada so they’re gonna be confused as frick
    >Watch them tard wrangle it and maybe lose a limb or two in the process while I sip my coffee on the porch and shitpost on /k/
    Time to earn those government pensions you lazy wagie fricks

  51. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    A fricking door

  52. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    sacrifice OP's mom

  53. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Punch it in the nose

  54. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    It's called having a solid door, idiot.

  55. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    1. Wonder how it got into a third floor apartment in the middle of a city that’s hundreds of miles from an ecosystem that could sustain them.

    2. Shut my bedroom door on it, barricade it with some boxes for safe measure.

    3. Call the police and have them come up and shoot it

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