Oh noes! You have lost ALL YOUR WEAPONS!
And now there is an angry crocodile coming at your house! You must kill it, but you can only use improvised stuff you have lying around. No, your explosives and bows can't be used either.
How will you defeat this mad brute?
Makeshift spears? spring-loaded spike-throwers? Super soaker filled with petrol to make a flame thrower?
Defend yourself!
I hit it with my truck, moron
Good luck with that, moron.
Oh no my truck is fricked.
On the upside, so is the croc.
My trucks are quite capable of damaging croc and I can easily fix whatever it does to one. Note croc in photo is fricking dead.
>Note croc in photo is fricking dead.
Not from being run over, dickhead.
the weapon of a temperate climate
*unzips dick*
*teleports behind you*
"See you later, alligator"
it's a croc tho
Suck my croc and balls, you fricking reptile
in a while, crocodile
Not after anon is done with it.
It's a reptile waifu/onahole try to keep up.
muh dik is lying around
I frick ya mudda
Lawnmower
>lawnmower
I just stay inside playing vidya and call the coppers to come get the thing.
I'd call the police-It's illegal to be a crocodile
Stick
Or beat it with a chair or guitar or something, kick it to death or something. They've never struck me as being particularly intimidating outside the water , I'm probably laughably wrong on that I'm unlikely to meet one.
>They've never struck me as being particularly intimidating outside the water
within limits you're right, but a saltwater croc is still 2000lb of pure hate and they can whip their tail to knock you off balance while they swing around to bite you
on dry ground you're best to just zig-zag run away; in the water any deeper than your calves, probably just pray to your god and say goodbye
I didn’t think they got that big…
saltwater crocs truly are monsters
they never stop growing
I quickly create a homecooked meal and feed it to the crocogator. By the time it is done eating the first meal I serve it a second. I keep doing this until it either dies of lifestyle diseases or wistfulness at how it hasn't eaten a homecooked meal in forever.
I let the crocodile do what he wants - escalating would only prolong the fighting and lead to more violence
The croc ties you up, robs you, then torches the house with you still inside. How do you respond?
heh, at least I'm not fighting for my israeli landlord
does a nugget bayonet count if I found it in a closet when moving in? because if I get to keep that its going on the end of the pool stick I found in that same closet
I wouldn't kill it. I'd listen to what it had to say, and that's what no one else did.
Everyone says "See ya later alligator" but no one ever says "It's nice to see you".
>Everyone says "See ya later alligator" but no one ever says "It's been a while, crocodile"
tftfy
I run over the body with one of my trucks and park on top of it. If it escapes good for it but otherwise I'll enjoy fried gator tail that evening.
I have two doors, multiple trucks and they're parked such that lizardboi cannot cover both exits. If it escapes then I toddle over to my machine shop and to meet OPs stupid preconditions I fab a cage trap, bait then end with a live chicken and when gator is trapped in the entrance chute I ram a spear through its side then leave it to bleed out.
A simple molotov wienertail. Worst case scenario, a ryobi 10 inch chainsaw
>broom
>duct tape
>knife
>duct tape knife to non-brush part of broom
>stab
What the frick is the difference between a tool and a weapon exactly? This is way too vague
That would actually work really well.
About the only way to kill a gator is a penetrating shot to the brain. The spike end on that would do it. Assume croc is same.
Basically, run around letting it chase you until the croc's exhausted, then spike it through the head. Hope you don't miss; that's a short handle.
no, do NOT let it chase you, crocs are fast as frick. It is also NOT a short handle, best bet would be to move as calmly and slowly as possible before striking so the fella doesn't just rush rough
Retiles tire pretty quickly compared to humans. Gators and crocs are designed to grab and pull stuff into water, not chase on land. They are fast, but only in bursts.
As for that pick, look at the distance from toe to spike. It's like 3 feet. The head of a man eating gator from snout to brain is a foot. You're pretty close in my book to the bite end of that gator w that thing. And cross are even bigger
A weapon is a tool for killing. All weapons are tools, but not all tools are weapons.
I close the door. good luck getting inside without thumbs.
This is the most Florida video I think I’ve ever scene.
Cast iron skillet to the dome is a proven method
I met King Kai last year. Really awesome character.
Dumbfrick's got stubby little legs. I sit in my truck bed and toss glass bottles and drain cleaner into his mouth while he ineffectively tries to bite me from ground level.
I look him in the eyes and calmly tell him that biting and/or drowning people is against the law.
If he does not back down I notify law enforcement and try to deescalate the situation through reason and remaining calm.
There’s never a need to stoop to their level.
I befriend the creature and enjoy the privilege of existing in the same time as one so ancient
I killed an alligator once with a wrecking bar. I figure I could probably do the same to a croc if I can catch it on land. If he is t on land he's no concern of mine.
smack it with a tree branch.
I shall kill it with kindness
I'm canadian btw
>Go upstairs dragging a long tarp behind me
>secure the tarp so the stairs is a slip and slide
>casually ladle bad dragon cum lube from my oil drum of bad dragon cum lube onto tarp
>alligator never gets upstairs
You now have a cum lubed croc roaming your house. Are you man enough to finish the job (and livestream it for the rest of us degenerates)?
>How will you defeat this mad brute?
befriend him
I scare it away with my vacuum cleaner.
If it works on a dog, it'll work on a croc.
Picrel is how I win
>tripgay
Go get eaten by an alligator
wrestle it and duct tape its mouth shut, or just run at it with a bunch of zip ties. Either way it's the closest thing I'm getting to deathclussy
A broom.
My pingas is all I need
feed it corn syrup under a 5G tower and make it watch youtube videos about the holocaust with subliminal sissy programming
>Grab metal pole and duct tape
>Jump onto crocs back and shove metal pole into its mouth forcing it to bite down onto said pole
>Duct tape its mouth shut with the pole still inside.
>CRIKEY, MATE!
2 words, steel toed boots
Do I have to kill it? Yes? Fine, Shovel. Couple thumps with the flat side to stun it and then a couple chops with the edge to kill it.
> Super soaker filled with petrol to make a flame thrower?
What the hell? This is more dangerous to you than the Croc. The dumb lizard is diving under water at the first sign of fire while you have a somewhat flammable house.
Did Scootie win it?
Pet it
It's snowing, (cold) blud aint doing shit
just knock 'em in the head with a stump
I’ll just fire bomb the fricker with molotovs on the driveway. Your move you croccy frick!
cast arn
Let loose my cat on it
I will make him my ally and we will destroy our foes
Run it over with my car.
I'd give it back scritches with a big broom, they seem to enjoy that.
>Lock the doors and shut the garage door
>Call the local fish cops
>Ayyy lmao come get this big moron lizard
>I’m in fricking northern Canada so they’re gonna be confused as frick
>Watch them tard wrangle it and maybe lose a limb or two in the process while I sip my coffee on the porch and shitpost on /k/
Time to earn those government pensions you lazy wagie fricks
A fricking door
sacrifice OP's mom
Punch it in the nose
It's called having a solid door, idiot.
1. Wonder how it got into a third floor apartment in the middle of a city that’s hundreds of miles from an ecosystem that could sustain them.
2. Shut my bedroom door on it, barricade it with some boxes for safe measure.
3. Call the police and have them come up and shoot it