You're in the woods and a bear is about to attack you. All you have is a knife. What do you do?
You're in the woods and a bear is about to attack you. All you have is a knife. What do you do?
You're in the woods and a bear is about to attack you. All you have is a knife. What do you do?
Non sequitur. Bear attacks are so rare that they’re pretty much a statistical rounding error.
Do easterners really not have guns?
you mean westoids don't have guns
Fricking lmao ok new york
new york go back to turning in your armor
How's Cuomostan treating you?
how fricking dumb can you be. more like this?
This b***h thinks Disney movies are real life and bears have human emotions
Emotions are one thing animals have in relative quantity. They just have no intellect to process most of those emotions.
It's like *see other bear* annngryyyy. Rawr bear noises.
Hmm, horny time, must feel lust, raaawr.
*Loud crash* feeeaaaarrrr.
Animals basically 'only' run on emotion, what they lack is intellect. Kind of like black people.
Some blacks can if they do some introspection
Fewer and fewer each generation. Sad to say.
Blacks are incapable of anything but rape and murder. They're leeches on society that need to be stopped immediately.
Good bait, almost had me. Cheers mate
Damn.
frickin lols, these redditors are npcs
>Non sequitur
whats with globalhomosexual always trying to convience people that they dont need to worry about apex predators.
Because typically they don't. If you contact ranger stations, don't go too far off the trail in bear territory, don't fricking feed them, don't attempt to touch their cubs, and don't go in their areas at the wrong time of the year there's a very low chance you get mauled by an animal who's dieting choices don't include you. But people like to pretend that these animals will just charge you because you're there and that's not how that works. People travel the trails all the time with no weapons and live without an issue from animals. You're far more likely to die of exposure or dehydration than an animal attack but that's another topic.
>dont need to worry about apex predators.
Not a factual statement. Go to Yellowstone and they constantly remind you of the danger from critters, close off areas for people safety etc..
...and yet
is correct. 4 million people visited Yellowstone last year and the park averages 1 bear attack per year...if you include only back country visits that about 200,000 people per 1 attack. Not a huge risk but a risk nonetheless.
Samegay from
Typically in those bear attacks, again, it's from people doing something they shouldn't. There are times where people end up in the wrong place at the wrong time doing everything right but that's even more rare than the attacks itself. Yellowstone's ranger stations can and will tell you "it's not a good time" if you ask them before going out but people don't do that nearly as often as they should or they think the animals just outright won't attack because "humans are top of the food chain durrrr". The old phrase "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" goes a long way in area like Yellowstone and the injuries from other things there have done a lot worse than the bears.
>Samegay
shut the frick up. im not
not even sure what your point is...Glowies DO remind you of the dangers and yet the dangers remain small.
>Typically in those bear attacks, again, it's from people doing something they shouldn't.
Most attacks come sfrom the bear being surprised and either defending cubs or defending food.
>the injuries from other things there have done a lot worse than the bears.
this is moronic. Bear attacks are not common but they are very damaging and often deadly- I would rather be gored by a Bison then mauled by a Griz.
I wasn't saying you were samegay. I was saying I wrote
>I would rather be gored by a Bison then mauled by a Griz.
As would I. But people die far more often from other stuff than bear attacks. I love how you went full blown moron over not comprehending the first line of what I said. I lost a lot of respect for you.
>implies same gayging
>blames it on others
lol.
>But people die far more often from other stuff than bear attacks
>non sequitur
Sure heart attacks and car crashes kill more pople in Yellowstone than bears do....but of all the animals in the park bears are by far the most deadly. 8 people have been killed by Grizzlies in Yellowstone.
I didn't imply it I literally said I was the one samegayging. You think what you want to.
8 deaths in 12 years. More have died from other things in the park in that time.
>More have died from other things in the park in that time.
>Sure heart attacks and car crashes kill more people in Yellowstone than bears do.
The risk is small but deadly.
So is eating peanut M&M's in your house alone. Your point?
How about you eat these nuts
gay
>Non sequitur
homosexual, you didn't even use that phrase in the correct context
If it’s black get back, if it’s brown lay down, if it’s White goodnight. Going off this you could probably take a black bear if you were angry enough and it didn’t immediately run away like they do in those videos of people yelling at them to frick off.
>if it’s White goodnight.
My old kayaking instructor was stalked by a polar bear for 3 days while paddling in the northwest passage. They had to sleep in their boats. Polars are no fricking joke dude
Why was your friend traveling in polar bear territory without a rifle?
He was probably noguns? And thought they could avoid them because they were on the water? I dunno man I'm with you but I'd probably bring a .44 or something for the weight and easier access. Or would you say rifle velocities are absolutely needed? Either way shooting a polar bear is cringe and to be avoided at all costs.
If this was in Alaska, you're not allowed to shoot a polar bear unless your life is in immediate danger (i.e. you WILL die right this moment unless you kill it). They'll fine you up to $100,000 under the MMPA and they take it super seriously.
homie who is going to catch you shooting a polar bear in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness
There's a greentext somewhere of a guy fishing without a license in backcountry Alaska when gaem wardens jump out of a helicopter into the lake and swim toshore, handing him a ticket then hiking out. His takeaway is that if your life is in danger, just break the law and AK feds will show up to fine you
I hate jannies so fricking much.
Polar bears will actively hunt/stalk humans. They're the biggest gangsters of the bear world and as their habitats shrink they're going to become a much larger issue. There's also reports of them cross mating with grizzlies and if they keep that trait it's going to be scary. Black bears you can scare off. Polar bears will frick you up and eat you because it's Tuesday.
Here in BC we have ‘spirit bears’ which are a sub species of black bears but they have white fur, I’d love to see one.
Well there's only 50-100 of them in a small section of rainforest. Go get us some pics.
I believe it’s in one of the largest rainforests in North America; the great bear rainforest.
Go to princess royal or gribbell islands.
Polar bears consider people to be a food source.
The first part goes "If it's black, fight back"
On another note, why is Canada so based when it comes to having a large and thriving bear population?
Because nobody lives there.
Polar bears actually come further down through Newfoundland, coastal albeit.
>why is Canada so based when it comes to having a large and thriving bear population?
They have less people than California does. The bears have PLENTY of room.
I saw two yesterday. One at home and then another just as I got to work. We have tons of space with a tiny population.
Isn't NW Canada the area where animals can go their entire lives without seeing humans? I know the environment can be harsh.
Uhh that’s like 98% of Canada.
As dangerous as they are polar bears are for some reason weirdly unsure of unfamiliar prey on land, probably because they are used to hunting nothing but seals. Fighting back has a pretty good chance of making the bear reconsider at least initially, its why barren ground grizzly bears absolutely mog them in disputes over carcasses despite only being the size of a lion
>grizzly bears
>the size of a lion
Grizzlies are much larger than lions, moron
>Grizzlies are much larger than lions, moron
>Adult males and females can be anywhere between 146 and 382kg and measure an average of 2.6m in length.
There are different populations of grizzly bears that aren't all the same size, moron. It specifically says Barren ground grizzlies, which are the second smallest brown bears
>They're the only bears that see humans as prey
Seeing people as prey and being psychotic aggressive fricks aren't the same thing. Its why sloth bears kill 10 times more people than all other bears despite not being predatory at all. They're much more easily spooked than brown bears despite being more predatory, which is why grizzly bears will bully larger polar bears at carcasses
>There are different populations of grizzly bears that aren't all the same size, moron
A male barren ground grizzly bear on average weighs up to 400kg which is 200kg heavier than South African lions which are the biggest lions. Why are you a moron? Lions aren't even the biggest cats.
>A male barren ground grizzly bear on average weighs up to 400kg
No they don't, not even close. Not even interior grizzlies are that big on average. That sort of average weight is what you'd expect from a fricking Kodiak or coastal grizzly
>Lions aren't even the biggest cats
I'm aware
>Fighting back has a pretty good chance of making the bear reconsider at least initially
You're fricking moronic. Where do you get your information? They're the only bears that see humans as prey. Look up Svalbard, where you have to own a shotgun and leave your car door open for people to jump inside if a bear comes. Go watch that video of a polar bear trying to get a cage open to pull a guy out of it. You don't see brown eggs black bears trying to do that.
>Where do you get your information?
From nowhere. No human was hunted by a polar bear underwater so why they connected that point is beyond me. Especially when humans are bipedal land creatures. So that would mean they're hunted on land by them.
Mother frickers think this is reddit where you can just spout a bunch of bullshit that makes no sense, and people will just agree because you sounded like you knew what you were talking about.
That predates reddit by a wide margin but I agree. Like that time somebody said that toxins could pop and release more toxins in to water when you boiled it on a thread about water purification. People are just weird.
Anon, how often do you think people are in water in arctic environments?
I'd wager hardly ever seeing as you won't live very long in those conditions. Polar bears hunt humans on land. They're not wary of us at all. Their entire statement was inaccurate.
I did read their comment and it was wrong entirely.
>I did read their comment and it was wrong entirely
The comment says polar bears are wary of prey on land in general if they're unfamiliar with it, not that they don't hunt humans or hunt humans in water
>They're not wary of us at all
For a giant murder beast they're pretty fricking likely to get spooked and run away
>For a giant murder beast they're pretty fricking likely to get spooked and run away
Yeah you tell yourself that.
>so why they connected that point is beyond me
They didn't connect that point in the first place if you actually read it
>leave your car door open for people to jump inside if a bear comes
"Excuse me, sir, you didn't leave your car door open for people to steal your shit and let the frost build up inside"
"b-b-b-but its unlocked, for the bear reason!"
"Not open, not legal. Soory, but that's the gallows for you."
What a stupid law, if it really is one.
>run from bear, find open door car, get in, safe, die from cold
moron its open meaning unlocked, of course they don't leave every car door ajar 24/7
>"car door open doesnt mean the car door is open"
>"moron"
yes open and unlocked are used interchangeably
So I can describe your mom's legs as unlocked?
No, they aren't, at least not in the US by non-morons.
Open means "not closed".
Unlocked means "not locked".
I was considering a 112, but here's some new information I did not see presented before...
What the frick kind of stupid bullshit are you spouting?
Source: Trust me bro.
>if it’s brown lay down
Naw. Fight back regardless. Be big and scary. Make noises like Jon Bernthal in The Punisher. If a brown bear is coming at you and you lay down and play dead, you're getting chomped and eaten alive. If you're with family, they're next.
If you don't want to go with Jon Bernthal, go with Macho Man Randy Savage. Rush the bear. drawing a roar from your pelvis and abdomen, yelling out "OHHH YEAH. THE CREAM OF THE CROP."
And no, this isn't some joke or trick. This is genuine advice. Don't meander like a b***h whimpering out "Oh shucks. Please don't, Mr. Bear. Please turn around." Remember that you're a somewhat evolved ape and go fricking mental. Posture and roar. Be fricking terrifying. And if it's a mother bear coming at you in defense of her cubs and she doesn't back down, make orphans of the little shits.
>t.would die instantly
Playing dead has show to absolutely stop the attack in many instances. If you fight, it will continue the fight and you will lose.
I have heard too many audio recordings of people being eaten by bears when they laid down. I am never falling for that moron trap. I refuse to die that way just because some hippie doesn't want Gentle Ben to get his throat cut and has no qualms trading off human lives.
>too many
>one recording of Timmy moron
Yup. Its hippies that that say play dead cuz they don’t want to hurt the bear. Are you really this fricking stupid? Especially in regards to momma Griz with cubs its proven in many cases to work. But if you want to go full moron and pretend you can fight off an 800lb Griz- please do.
There's more than just the Timothy Treadwell tape with regard to "people being eaten by bears". And yes, I'd rather stand my ground than go prone and give it a free killing blow against me.
I mean, shit. Part of the Treadwell tape is his girlfriend screaming for him to "play dead" as the bear is eating him and before it moved over to kill her.
>be me
>bear
>hunting
>see animals laying down
>well, easy hunt
>one screams weird sounds
>what?
>continue the hunt
>more screaming, but the body isnt moving
>thats weird
>finish hunt
Isn't screaming 'play dead' an oxymoron
She was panicking, he was crying out that she needed to run as he was being killed, and instead she just huddled in the back of the tent crying until the bear also killed her.
and yet these are PrepHole idols ?
Timothy Treadwell is regarded as a massive fricking idiot by anyone with a lick of sense. His delusions and his denial of reality got him and his girlfriend killed in one of the worst ways imaginable. The only people who idolize him are total morons who attempt to romanticize his "relationship" and "closeness" to the bears before he was eaten alive.
Elaborating, I seem to recall one tape of a young woman trying to play dead, and then mama and her cubs come over and start tearing chunks out of her. And her desperately crying for her mother with her dying breaths was recorded on the 911 call.
A mom and her cubs is the biggest exception to any of that. Your biggest and best chance is back away slowly and either don't fall or don't run. The cubs will be curious and try to walk up to you but the mom will have none of it. Playing dead works for solo grizzlies sometimes. But a mom is off the table entirely.
Also DO NOT SEEM THREATENING TO A MOTHER GRIZZLEY! They can and will entirely frick your shit up if you pose any sort of threat.
You're supposed to play dead with grizzlies because theoretically, if they're attacking you it's territorial aggression. But it doesn't matter if they're planning to eat you, so I don't know if I hold with that logic.
A mother black bear with cubs is a bad situation, because she's going to kill you for being near her cubs, aggression wise, so you might think playing dead is a good idea. But she also has cubs to feed so she's *always* starving, so she's going to eat you anyways.
Basically, back away from the situation if you can, and if she still comes at you fight back and fight back hard. Jam a fist elbow deep in her throat if you got to, like that one guy did to a tiger in India. Might lose an arm but they'll choke and die.
That's mother bears in general but black bears are underestimated because of their size and general disregard of humans in their space until the realize they don't like you. Then all bets are off. Moms with cubs are just bad in general because of what I said in an earlier post: the cubs are generally curious and the mom is the mom. If you see a cub try to pin point the mom and go back the way you came slowly. The last thing you want is for the cub to be within touching distance of you when the mom finds out you're there.
This is what I mean by the cubs just being curious.
It worked for Todd Orr
I would frick a black bear up.
>I would frick a black
Wrong board.
Beastiality is a reddlt thing lad.
>I would frick a black bear
Wrong board. Wrong board
its been done before but you aren't nearly as much of a man as they were
I pet him.
Izza good booooy
While I'm not the strongest person and a bear has an advantage of reach, I'm wiry and as quick as greased lightning, frighteningly so. Bears are ferocious fighters, to be sure, but I'd give myself even odds at being triumphant in battle.
Nah man I bet he could frick a bear up.
go frick a bear up to prove this butthole wrong.
frick you adrian brody
>You're in the woods and a bear is about to attack you. All you have is a knife. What do you do?
slit my throat
I'd larp really hard on PrepHole and fantasize about actually going outs- wait a minute...
>all you have is a knife
Where is my gun?
i'd stab that frickin koala bear right in the frickin head the dirty c**t
That will never be a bear
barrel roll
I'd heem that bear into another dimension
I stab his eye as he claws me …and we both go up to heaven together.
>Thinking your little hunting knife is gonna do anything but give it a cool scar for whoever shoots it to discover
Hope you enjoy being bear food
Have you not heard the story of Freidrich Gerstäcker?
Have you ever gone outside?
Yeah and I'm also not an eastoid. Google Freidrich Gerstäckers book Wild Sports in the Far West. He and a friend were bear hunting with dogs and both charged a bear that was killing the dogs. They could only get off once shot from the muzzleloaders and they attacked the bear with knives. His friend died and he woke up in agony next to the bloody dead bear with only a few dogs left alive and wolves howling in the distance. Fricking amazing story and a really cool read overall.
Found the section
Cool story, but getting off a shot on a bear and killing it with a buddy with knives is a lot different than 1v1ing a bear with only a knife. I don't think I've ever heard of someone killing a bear with a knife without shooting it first
Gene moes killed an almost 800 pound brown bear with a buck folder. Didnt shoot it at all.
What can a bear actually do though? If you hug its hind legs it can't reach you with its teeth, and its too sluggish to get away while you repeatedly stab it from behind. If you stand to the side of its hind legs then it won't even be able to hit you with a back kick. If it raises its leg to perform a stomp then all you have to do is back off until it finishes its slam, then move back in to continue stabbing.
It's not a video game moron, they dont have a predetermined moveset like a boss fight. Bears are fast and agile as frick.
b***h I'll punch a bear.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cy_DeVry
>Devry
So after getting fricked up by a large predator, you attempt suicide by gun and even fail at that like a little whiny homosexual?
>Man Cy Devry
...
>Devil Man Cry
nice
I fought a sunbear once. He won, but was an butthole about it
The best strategy if being charged would be to fall backward, wait for it to go for your chest/throat, then stab right in the eye or nose. If this doesn't give the beast pause, say your prayers and know that your karma needs work.
>be me
>omg bear is coming right for us!!!
>force pull bear towards me then cut in half with light saber
true story
sacrifice the arm
Try to climb up a tree and then jump from tree to tree like a monkee. Maybe it’s going to leave me alone then. I’d also try to climb up very high because the thin branches further on top probably won’t be able to support the weight of a bear.
bears can climb trees better than you can
The bear has it
Even other grizzly bears cant fight off bears. This 3yrs old bear just got beat down by a big boar who was try to get with his mother a few days ago. Big Boar broke the younger’s spine in about 10 seconds of kerfuffle.
Smile, praise the Lord and die with honor like my ancestors, fighting brown bears with puukko. No agonizing suffering for me in hospital bed with azhaimers or cancer, no weakness that old age will bring. If I win? Glory. If I lose? Eternal life.
cute larp, now move over
Based sperg
I'd smesh the bear like Khabib.
Use the knife to slit your own throat so it doesn't hurt as much when the bear eats you.
i throw the knife and powerslam the motherfricker into the cold ground
yeah im THAT strong
I wouldn't panic, since I have a trusty KABAR made specifically for K-ing A Bar.
Try to run away or die screaming while being mauled
stab it in the face
then probably die
Unless you have the trusty Buck 110 consider yourself butt fricked by daddy bear.
I was out hiking and saw a black bear across the stream a few weeks ago. He was doing bear things sitting up on the bank about a yard over the waterline and went down to take a drink. I kept walking as I was with others and if push came to shove, I didn’t have to outrun the bear. You seldom meet fellow apex predators on the trail and it’s an experience I’ll never forget.
>Black bear
>Apex
Bait
A little bit of wazaaa! and then a follow up of whappooow
>he didn't try hyooooo
You're already dead.
knife in eye and twist
>take knife
>sharpen pole
>bait bear to charge
>bear impales self on sharpened pole
>make bear coat
If its black I'd charge and go for the soft spots, eyes, neck etc hoping to hurt him as much as possible before he can hurt me and then book it.
If it's brown I'd lay down and try to relax in the hopes of salvaging my anus from the dicking I'm about to receive.
>the problem is the solution is the problem
I bluff charge the fricker. I'll probably die, but I'll probably die if I run too.
Shit myself so it's a bit disgusted while it eats me
Oh boy! This thread is gonna be good.
The only reasons to carry a gun while hiking are hunting, target shooting, or schizophrenia.
This. I love when people who don't hike pretend like the wilderness is like a leveling zone in a video game and you're going to have to defend yourself every 30 feet. If you think you need a gun for a hike just stay home. Let the trail be safer for the rest of us.
We like to hurl around “schizo” as a fun insult, irrational, unfounded fear that is justified in one’s mind is literally a symptom of schizophrenia.
Do you lock your doors at night?
No.
Based and invite thieves so you can shoot them pilled
Goyboy grindset
It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. This is as moronic as saying, "why bother carrying a first aid kid, people rarely get injured hiking".
I doubt you carry the caliber needed to do anything other than piss a bear off on a hike. But go for it. I'll let the rangers know where the rest of your corpse is after you get mauled throwing handgun rounds.
Oh sweetie, the gun isn't the bears. It's for you.
Edgelord detected
>"oah sweatie...!"
>"the gun isn't the bears"
Everything about your post sucks dick. I bet you do, too.
But in the situation where he did encounter a bear, as in your post, what should he have that would be better than the gun? Because it sure sounds like he'd be the one with a 5% chance of survival, whereas you would be dead, and that's exactly the concept he's trying to convey.
I'd have a better chance of living without a handgun than he would with one.
You know what? I would bring you along with me. You'd make an excellent distraction/bait.
>You'd make excellent distraction/bait
For what? The ranger who answers questions about turtles? I will hold him off as long as I can. I have a real corker of a question about snappers.
See
People actually need and use their first aid kits. It’s not an irrational fear that they’ve justified in their minds. The “better to have it” mantra is literally schizophrenic; you’ve succumb to unfounded paranoia. People are not regularly attacked while outdoors. If you think they are, and that it’s going to happen to you, then you’re experiencing paranoid delusions.
I'm sure the nature center in your suburb is very safe, but that's not generally where people worry about wildlife attacking them.
>that's not generally where people worry about wildlife attacking them.
No, they shit themselves over black bear sightings and the once-yearly news story about some unfortunate guy who gets mauled to death.
>gay doesnt know how to hold a rifle
>only understands reacharounds
>wayfarers and shitty tech molle pouches
checks out
Stop posting already you moronic /in/cels
>He did it so I can too!
Black person please. You'd be near food.
Guess I'll die
I have had two bear encounters. One was with a black bear in the middle of a cycling trail. I just bombed towards it and he moved aside. Other one was a grizzly that just wandered away casually. Black bears aren't scary at all. Just be careful if there are cubs around.
What do you do?
Get the old wiener out
Will use knife to collect skin and make myself some nice panda fur mittens
Why are you homies afraid of bears?
https://www.tiktok.com/@cbsnews/video/7103546550487469354
>shitshok link
fricking have a nice day, I say this a lot on this site but I truly mean it this time
Attach the bear's life points directly with my bare hands (& teeth (& a stick)). Then use the knife to poke the bear to make sure it's dead.
>be me, a simple crow
>some dumb c**ts decided to walk around the forest while actively bleeding from their lady holes
>Dave, the dick bag grizzly, is now confused, hungry, and horny
>Straight rampaging through the forest, waking forest homies up and sending the tourists running in fear
>see some loner just casually strolling around as if there's not a rapist bear charging around
>Try to be a good crow-maritan, fly over and start cawing out a warning to the dude
>get ignored, your loss my guy
>Dave finds the poor bastard, charges, and starts eating the dudes arm
>rip homie
>Oh shit he's fighting back
>Oh frick, Dave's out, motherfricker literally slept a grizzly with his bare hands and teeth
>MBW dude limps away and come back with a stick to finish the job
Stab a israelite in the kneecap and run.
Bringing a gun in case of a bear attack is like wearing a condom so you don’t catch HIV from a girl.
>Bringing a gun in case of a bear attack is like wearing a condom so you don’t catch HIV from a girl.
I feel like there is a simile here...
It’s a double metaphor. The chance of catching HIV as a man during heterosexual sex is astronomically low, just like being attacked by a bear. At the same time, the chance of anyone who would both think to bring a gun for bear protection and him actually seeing a bear is just as low as that same person having sex (virtually zero).
Well if my knife is of that size im foing for eyes and neck and hopefully i wake up in a puddle of bear blood and i can cradle my guts out to the nearest road.
There be a blind bear wondering and a very dead you.
I circumsize myself before being mauled to death to please Joe Biden and Israel.
Toss my wallet in one direction, and the run in the other..joke is on the bear, I dont carry cash when I am out
He's going to be pissed when he opens that wallet and realizes he can't buy coke. Real plague going through the bear community right now.
Browns and grizzlies are known to chase people down at up to 30mph and maul them. Sometimes they toy with their victims, not killing them but not letting them leave the area and any attempt to do so might result in another charge.
so if a bear is already aggressive to me i can't even run? is my best option seriously to just charge and ram my arm down its throat while trying to stab something vital
frick you
what happened to that guy that was digging a hole? How'd it come out?
Cut my own jugular so i go out on my own terms
I take my dick out and rape the bear
Cut my life short.
Rape it to death and the Cubs, too. Frick bears.
Pull out my pocket .45-70 derringer
Wish us both good luck in the next life
Become a real human bean
575 lb black bear hit by car in NW MN. He'd frick you up.
finally learn first hand:
do bears shit in the woods?