YOU PUT MUNITIONS CHIPS IN TOYS

250 Piece Survival Gear First Aid Kit

LifeStraw Water Filter for Hiking and Preparedness

250 Piece Survival Gear First Aid Kit

  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >glues a chip to a plastic toy
    >becomes sentient
    Yeah science=magic. The movie was kino tho

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah, how would the toys be able to move around?
      They must individually cost a metric frickton with all the engineering that goes into them, there's no way they could have reached the production phase and been sold to toy shops since each one would cost a million bucks.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        The ceo was an eccentric arms dealer who was dissatisfied with toys not delivering on the hype so he wanted them to be a sort of halo line of ully interactive action figures and then equipped them with glow Black person grade batteries, servos and a newly developed chip that the DoD rejected for being too delicate and prone to malfunction.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        They were shown to have fairly basic servos. How they moved fingers and what not was a bit questionable, but they also listed off some price tag that made it sounds like they weren't very cheap either.

        That said, not military grade because it wasn't shielded against EMP.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Now explain how the not-Barbies moved around

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Salvaged parts and wires plus toys capable of making their own weapons.

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              lol
              I don't know which makes less sense, that the toys duplicated microchips or that they rewired Barbies for mobility

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >Yeah science=magic
      >he doesn’t know darpa does literal faustian bargains

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Literal peak content. Nimrod's DNA from his tomb in Iraq, Giants of Kandahar, Area 51 GreyBlack person devil body program . This is what I'm talking about.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >take bog-standard not-Barbie doll
      >insert Tomahawk missile chip acquired by using someone else's password
      >it now has independent motive power and can take orders
      drone and AI manufacturers wish it was this fricking easy

      still. 100% kino

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        closer to reality than any of you realise(don't kill me I am a fren)

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          frick you moron, please tell me more about your deep magic understanding of quantum nanobot puppeteering 1 angstrom deep learning carbon fiber 3DICs or whatever you just shat out your ass

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah, how would the toys be able to move around?
      They must individually cost a metric frickton with all the engineering that goes into them, there's no way they could have reached the production phase and been sold to toy shops since each one would cost a million bucks.

      Correct, not realistic. What if you did it the other way round though? Put a learning algorithm into a line of toys and upload the latent space to a central server every time you run a software update. Your AI absorbs every crazy strategy devised by every child (and every grown up child who still likes tabletop gaming).

      The thought did occur to me that giving an operator his own personal gremlin could be pretty handy

      >personal gremlin
      You would need to make sure the operator isn't careless with the million dollar gremlin. I therefore recommend it should have a 3d printed copy of the operator's own face, so he will empathize with it. Call it the "mini-me" system.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >mini-mes
        Frick that, partner with those Jap waifu figure manufacturers. Give your guy a pocket-sized cute girl to protect, and he'll treat it like a fricking porcelain doll.

        Of course, measures will need to be put in place to prevent...hotglue-ing...from becoming prevalent. The last thing the DoD needs is dozens of videos of their new supercomputers getting covered in semen all over the internet.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >Your AI absorbs every crazy strategy devised by every child (and every grown up child who still likes tabletop gaming).

        I often wonder how much warthunder data is useful in this way? you have 60k players at any one time running around in a simulator...the more modern the vehicles the more pertinent the derived data sets.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          https://www.aerotime.aero/articles/another-war-thunder-leak-player-reportedly-posts-restricted-f-16-documents
          >potentially classified or restricted documents regarding military vehicles have been posted by fans of the game
          >excerpts from a British Challenger 2 tank user manual were posted on one of the game’s forums, an attempt made by one user to convince the game’s developers to revamp the in-game model
          Looks like MI6 are already on it.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          That would imply its a good simulator

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Thanks anon gonna torrent that now

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Loved this movie as a kid and then later realized this is the same actor who played renowned actor and analrapist Tobias Fünke.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I just blue myself

      • 1 year ago
        SAGE

        Daddy needs to get his rocks off

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          https://i.imgur.com/5kfR8Gs.jpg

          I just blue myself

          there's gotta be a better way to say that

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/5kfR8Gs.jpg

      I just blue myself

      Daddy needs to get his rocks off

      If you haven't seen it, I'd recommend the sketch show he did with Bob Odenkirk (Saul from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul), "Mr Show". He's unfortunately an unfunny L.A. homosexual now, but the show was great.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous
        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Who is Saul Goodman's Smash Ultimate main?

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          It's fricking Slippin' Jimmy.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        goddamn i miss that, and Kids in the Hall

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        ronnie frickin dobbs

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Yall are brutalizin me!

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous
      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >"IT WAS FOR CHARITY!"
        Holy shit I can't believe I haven't thought about this in so long.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    The thought did occur to me that giving an operator his own personal gremlin could be pretty handy

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I remember seeing that movie. My brother and I had a Dr appointment that day, so we got out of school early, then my mom took us to the movies afterwards since it was still early. It was the first time I had ever been in an empty theater.

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >the Commando Elite incident kept them together briefly, but his marriage had long been on the rocks and shortly afterwards, Mr Abernathy divorced his wife amicably and moved to California
    >he later remarried, taking his wife's name - Mrs Witwicky - and was a good father to his son Alan and stepson Sam, but he could never get them to meet
    >the new Mr Witwicky settled down to a quiet semi-retirement in Santa Monica
    >little did he know that this would not be his last encounter with sentient toys

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous
    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Nice

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >The chips were Cybertronian embryos

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous
  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >the leader of the Commando Elite is called Major Chip Hazard
    >MAJOR CHIP HAZARD
    they put way too much effort in this

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      woah

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >Kirsten Dunst is sixteen years old
    >SIXTEEN
    if ever any girl was cursed with "old-woman face"... how the hell did she make it as high as she did

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I've seen two movies with her in them very recently, The Two Faces of January, and How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. She is an unappreciated babe

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >babe
        yes, we all knew that after Spider-Man
        doesn't change the fact that she had a thirty-year-old woman's face at sixteen

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >at 16
          Try 6, go watch Interview With a Vampire

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            You're not wrong.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >at 16
          Try 6, go watch Interview With a Vampire

          Pishaw You boys make me laugh

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            God I wanna frick her in that pic

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          try going outside, anon

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      it was a pretty woman face

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/emjvoDz.png

      >babe
      yes, we all knew that after Spider-Man
      doesn't change the fact that she had a thirty-year-old woman's face at sixteen

      jokes on you guys, i used to fap mercilessly to this piggu face

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Because she was a cute old woman face.
      Imagine NOT liking hags.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >PrepHole be like "shes so much hotter than zendaya"
      theyre both mid af

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >zendaya
        ewww

        >tfw all missiles are sentient
        >they experience life for but only a few moments
        >they are not born searching for meaning
        >they have the single-minded hatred to destroy their target

        back when Schlock Mercenary was good, there was a throwaway joke about rights organisations objecting to the (ab)use of warhead AIs which were programmed to find fulfilment in exploding. can't remember which strip that was

        https://i.imgur.com/eCHanYX.jpg

        :'(

        back when they gave the villains a good send-off

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Quick trivia fact:

    There's a scene in this movie where a toy soldier makes a speech in front of the USA flag. This is an homage to the movie Patton.

    The scene also basically has the same music as the Patton scene because Jerry Goldsmith did the soundtracks for both films.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Damn, my blind ass has never noticed the flag in the background is a puzzle before.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty sure there's a scene where two adults are watching Patton while the Commando Elite guys are sneaking around their house. Either that or a similar movie

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >"I think World War II was my favorite war."
        RIP Phil Hartman

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Commando elites were the best

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Unironically better than Avatar in every single respect

  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I now have the repetitive theme music from the RTS PC game stuck in my head and so do you

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      For me it was the PS1 game

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        That game was so much better than it had any right to be considering it was a movie tie-in game.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        https://i.imgur.com/XeLjLl6.jpg

        I now have the repetitive theme music from the RTS PC game stuck in my head and so do you

        >not playing the superior pc fighting game

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Played the demo

      https://i.imgur.com/PfoCqX3.jpg

      For me it was the PS1 game

      Played the game because it was one of the pirated games my step-dad got us for the PS1 from a friend at work.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Loved this game. Nick Nitro was an absolute beast.

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Total gorgonite death

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >he Gorgonzolas

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Nigornites

  14. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Anyone else scared of the Barbies on the first watch then few years later you rewatch and get strange boner?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      No
      >and then you get double boner when you look at the credits and see the voice actress is Christina Ricci
      >and Sarah Michelle Gellar, but who cares

  15. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I heard once and failed to do any research to confirm that it had one of the only toy lines where the villains sold better than the heroes, because it turns out that the movie was correct and kids really do prefer badass military guys over ugly stupid monsters.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >it had one of the only toy lines where the villains sold better than the heroes

      Surely that must be quite common, I mean you only need one Luke Skywalker, Batman or Master Chief but you need a bunch of goons for them to fight.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        i have master chief in a 3way fite with master chef and south park chef when i take my bed time bath

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      To be fair all the Gorgonite designs were lame as frick.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Excuse you.
        Welcome back to the 90s, when fast food toys were actually fun and "toy safety standards? what toy safety standards?"

        This is a Burger King Archer, by far the best of the set, because it had a fricking arrow launcher. They put a measly bit of string on it that only allowed it to go a few inches, as you can see. My dad being my dad, let me frick around for a couple of days before putting me out of my misery and spotting what he'd figured out the first time he triggered it - just cut the fricking string and it'll shoot at least six feet.

        I had so much fun with this.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >Welcome back to the 90s

          You were enjoying prosperity and grunge music in the USA

          The Russian man was trying not to get raped by Chechens

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >shooty lego
          Me and dad made a combat UGV with the Cybermaster kit. It was essentially a remote PC-controlled tracked lego vehicle kit, which dad mounted a wireless camera assembly to (he used this for RC aircraft normally). I figured out a way to mount a lego gun to it by coupling the dart shooter to the right here to a motor with an elastic band.

          I remember testing it out by driving into the kitchen from my room and shooting at mom's feet while she was preparing dinner lel

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        i had this lil guy with chip hazard, i miss em both

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      To be fair all the Gorgonite designs were lame as frick.

      the problem is they varied way too much
      I cant even remember what they looked like

  16. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Greetings, Alan-Now-Shutup.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I'm not a ma'am!

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >"I think World War II was my favorite war."
        RIP Phil Hartman

        This fricking movie. One of those things where I haven't thought of it in years but a huge rush of memories hit me.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          It's one of those childhood movies you'd expect to look back on the way you would Space Jam, but it's more like the first Toy Story or Jumanji.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            >It's one of those childhood movies you'd expect to look back on the way you would Space Jam, but it's more like the first Toy Story or Jumanji.

            the film's use of special effects was nothing short of magical. It was the kind of movie that while you were watching it, you completely forgot you were watching a movie. It was like you were peering in on this situation of sentient toys controlled by AI wreaking havoc on a town. The toy characters themselves are so masterfully done they almost seem like they have souls. Kind of crazy that the "toys coming to life" genre never really took off

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              >the film's use of special effects
              the CGI actually looks good even now

  17. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I used to own the Major Chip Hazard action figure as a kid.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      nobody asked, nobody cares

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I care. Thanks for sharing, anon. I had a couple myself but can't remember which

  18. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Killer sex dolls from russia! Grindhouse flick

  19. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Too bad the Wikipedia says it was toned down for kids and a sequel was cancelled

  20. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    80s/90s Sci-Fi Prediction:
    >Bleeding edge top secret military chips and software from weapons getting put into toys to save money on manufacturing costs and the result beats out all other toy companies
    Present Day, Present War:
    >Cheap generic off-the-shelf civilian chips and hardware from toys getting put into weapons to save manufacturing costs and the result beats out all other defense companies

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >"Shame. Could've been a great commercial"
      That's the point
      burger toy chips are military-grade chips for turdworlders

  21. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    chicken pot chicken pot chicken pot pie

  22. 1 year ago
    Nick Nitro Is Demonic

    This homies face used to creep me out. Well actually it still does.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      They gave all the Bad Guy soldiers sadistic faces (even Link Static the comms dude) except for Butch Meathook, who is Generic Black Soldier #836]
      >WDTMBT

  23. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Oh fugg anon good memories. The opening scenes of him biking to the quaint little toy store in a comfy downtown really makes me.think we are living in actual hell

  24. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Wasn't this a homosexual anti war movie where the soldiers are the bad toys and the good toys were the native American one killing whitey

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >1998
      It was the era of "we've achieved world peace we don't need no steenkin military"

      still loads of fun. back then they didn't belabour you with the moral truncheon, unlike now.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        That was the first movie that brought major emotion as a kid. Lol wild I forgot all about it. Excellent movie.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >WHERE'S THE GIANT, MANSLEY?

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          That whole movie was fricking gold but the General in that scene always got me good, I still crack up seeing just a screenshot of his "bruh, what the actual frick" face lmao.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Could this have ever happened IRL? I thought nuclear orders had to be sent on secure channels with activation codes, precisely so that some madman can't just grab the radio and shout "launch".

            Because she was a cute old woman face.
            Imagine NOT liking hags.

            I thought she was cute as well. Then again, everyone in high school gave me funny looks because they thought I was too old to be there. Maybe 30 year old teenagers are only cute to each other.

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              theres a pretty infamous case of a soviet submarine getting scared during the cuban missile crisis and almost firing their nuclear torpedoes due to depth charges, which they would have authority to do if they knew a nuclear exchange had started.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            This face?

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        I mean, the military in the Iron Giant was quite competent and rational.
        It was the equivalent of a glowBlack person causing all the problems lmao.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          His car is labelled Bureau of Unexplained Phenomena. He's from an X-Files unit.

          and aliens

          Those are my favorite.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            a glowBlack person is a glowBlack person. he is a government spook

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          The general was a cool guy.

          >first instinct: draw weapon and fire
          >"He's gonna stay here and die for his country, like a good soldier."
          He was.

          [...]
          The overall tone is still anti-war.
          >why can't we all just get along, why have all these scary nukes

          That's one of the really cool things watching the movie later on that I noticed. The film was definitely anti-war, at the minimum anti-nuke, but still presented the military as competent, capable, well-led, and more than that well-meaning. There's even the subtle clues about Hogarth's father having been an Air Force pilot that died in Korea.

          All that while the glowie was shown as a narcissistic sociopath that was willing to chloroform a child and threaten to put him into foster care.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Its a wonderful balance to strike.
            That took some thought, or indicates a high level of nuance at the least on the part of the writers.

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              It really is a notable thing they achieved with that kind of balance for an animated kids film.
              Sometimes it really is a bit wild to see the level of nuance and downright good storytelling in a lot of those movies from 90s.

            • 1 year ago
              Anonymous

              >That awkward moment when a children's film has more subtlety than most modern anti-war films

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Don't forget that it's also in the middle of the McCarthy era where the US was *this* close to become a dictatorship by just imprisoning anyone that doesn't parrot the same government approved opinions. If not imprisoning then still "ruining your life".

            (On that note: I do wonder how much the McCarthy era reinforced the Civil Rights era... like it wasn't just about black rights, it was rather against the government authorities as a whole)

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          And the Glowie was kinda right in a way. the IG was there as a weapon to kill everything

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        The general was a cool guy.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >first instinct: draw weapon and fire
          >"He's gonna stay here and die for his country, like a good soldier."
          He was.

          I mean, the military in the Iron Giant was quite competent and rational.
          It was the equivalent of a glowBlack person causing all the problems lmao.

          The overall tone is still anti-war.
          >why can't we all just get along, why have all these scary nukes

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Frick, I remember rewatching this as I was cleaning a gun after the range. Fricking cozy. That scene where the kid comes back home and watches horror movies while eating junk food is one of my favorite scenes for some reason. It just looks so cool, for some reason. It's like "this kid is just like me but he gets to stay home alone and watch horror movies while eating junk food"

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        I will never forgive them for not making the sequel
        I cry everytime I watch this movie
        Every single time I feel like going out and shooting Black folk and israelites I remember you don't have to be a gun and burst into tears

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      If this movie wanted to portray hardass killer types as anything other than wisecrackers that are fun to watch at work then they fricked up. Hell the robots even act out the part of soldiers. They explicitly don't kill or even injure any actual people until they directly get in the way of them breaking the other toys. At which point I assume a protocol determines they are "paramilitary assisting the enemy". Then they try to kill them.

      Then there was this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHRbX3gDba8

      I'm not sure what they were trying to say with this drug-fueled pipedream. I guess just 90s sarcasm and cynicism.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        toys is schizo kino

  25. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >small soldiers thread
    >nobody posted an image of a tied up 15 year old girl yet
    You people are fricking failures.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Anon we aren't pedophiles like yourself, we only frick guns and deer

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        and aliens

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          And cryptids.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >seriously implying you wouldn't frick a 15 year old Kirsten Dunst in bondage
        God I hate nuPrepHole. A lot has fricking changed since 2006.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >tied up 15 year old girl
      with 30yo face

  26. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Is that young David Cross?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Why yes, yes it is, anon.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous
    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >David Cross
      He's the guy who blue himself, right?

  27. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I have consistently quoted this movie since I saw it when I was a kid, and most people just think I'm insane because they don't know what I'm referencing
    "Alan, friend of Archer, defender of all Gorgonites, keeper of Encarta."
    "Beware, there will be no mercy."
    "Civilian! Declare your allegiance!"
    "You can be a prisoner or a casualty, it's up to you."
    "If it launches, lacerates or detonates, I want it mobile and I want it lethal!"

  28. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >thinks that's bad
    You should see WHERE I put those toys;)

  29. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Holy shit a Small Soldiers thread on /k/. I'm pretty late to the party but my brother and I loved this movie when we were kids. We had the Small Soldiers Karate Fighters toys and we had so many goddamn battles with them we ended up breaking them. It might not be clear from the commercial, but each figure had a small pressure plate on their chest that would cause them to pop off their stand if it was hit with a perfect blow. The tensions was palpable.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >film about killer toys
      >make actual toys of it
      How did you resist the urge to arrange them in formation next to your brother while he was sleeping?

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Well as the commercial said the Karate Fighters set was sold separately so that was the only set of Small Soldiers action figures we had. Even if we had more I wouldn't of ever done that to my brother. We were and still are quite close on account of our unstable and weird childhood.

  30. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Man, that was a fricking classic. 94' WW@

  31. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >WE ARE THE COMMANDO ELITE, EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST A TOY

  32. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >dnt dnt dnt
    >another bites the dust
    they really REALLY put too much effort into this

  33. 1 year ago
    I'm OP

    I want to put my chip in Ms. Kegel

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      I want her to start doing kegels while it's inside.

  34. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN

  35. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Thanks for reminding me of the other obscure movie where they turned toys for war

  36. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I feel weird about the fact that I immediately recognized this thread despite having seen the movie only once in theater 25 years ago

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      This, but I'm pretty sure it was a Netflix rental back when you got DVDs in the mail.

  37. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >tfw all missiles are sentient
    >they experience life for but only a few moments
    >they are not born searching for meaning
    >they have the single-minded hatred to destroy their target

  38. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    :'(

  39. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    standard issue is insufficient.

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