Some ground rules:

Some ground rules:

-Walmart may purchase any American-made weaponry that it can afford with its current revenue ($611.3 billion USD as of 2023)
-Russians can't use nukes out of fear of provoking retaliation from the United States
-Russia may receive financial aid from Target

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    It would take Russia 300 days just to reach the produce section

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Every employee gets a palmetto AR-15 and one of those US made RPGs

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Walmart PMCs will be funny

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >me and the boys on the way to invade our cousin's pants

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Russia would be stopped by the mobility scooter cohorts before they ever got to the bottle return

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    > Walmart offers every Russian service member who surrenders a $50 voucher (that can be spent on alcohol)
    > 100% of Russians defect
    > Walmart wins by default with zero shots fired

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Neither have the ability to invade each other immediately and it would take years, even decades for one to build the expeditionary capabilities to decisively beat the other.

    In the mean time, you would see FSB agents assassinating Walmart employees in the UK and all out warfare in Africa between Wagner and Walmart PMCs over their African locations as both sides race to build the capability to invade each other. It's uncertain what China and India might do to their local Walmarts, they might be nationalized or rebranded to support Russia, like how McDonalds became "Simply Delicious".

    Walmart brings semi-auto guns back to their stores and acquires various weapon and ammunition manufacturers, both for their own consumption and to sell under the Walmart brand. Walmart becomes a major competitor to PSA/AAC. This may cause competitors other than Target to start sending financial aid to Russia.

    Eventually Walmart wins because it has the bigger budget, isn't hit by sanctions, has more current and recruitable personnel, and better logistics. It'll take a while for them to train their employees into actual soldiers and officers though. The only way Russia can win with certainty and without nooks is by playing its cards right with the political/social/diplomatic game, special operations, and 5th gen warfare.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      ШAГMAЯT - Always same prices, always

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >shagmayat
        god damn it, this war made me learn cyrillic

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Here is the official russian transcription: Уoлмapт

          I like how they use the U to O sound to emulate the pronounciation of the english W.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          more like shahmayat, the gamma is only nominally a G. I don't think I've ever seen it used as a hard G consonant, always gay H'es.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      I feel like you're wrong. An AMERICAN nation-spanning retailer probably has enough logistical capability to mount a proper invasion easily.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Walmart even owns a couple of chains in Germany, so they'd only really have to convince Poland to let them through, and Poland will always say yes to letting someone kill Russians.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      This post was written by ChatGPT

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        That just means ChatGPT is a better poster than at least 75% of PrepHoleners.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Stop falseflagging non-AI posts, Black person

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        kys homosexual.

        It's a tough call...Mobiks are one of the only forces on earth that actually receive more humiliation than a Walmart employee.

        To the people jerking off walmart for being american and thus well equipped...are you moronic? They won't even pay them $15/hr you think they're going to give their men good gear before they send them to die? They'd probably get a t-shirt and a pistol with two clips.

        Walmart can field bigger meatwaves. Also, we don't know what a wartime Walmart economy would look like. Since even the cheapest gear on the US commercial market is better than the stuff Iran and China are selling to Russia and basic ARs are cheap, you could expect Walmart combat arms to be at least equally equipped to modern mobiks.

        You're forgetting the white trash and Black person allies that Walmart has. They know without Wally World they're toast.

        This. Walmart would have a bigger recruitment pool and greater social cohesion in wartime.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Walmart just needs to buy a couple of F-35s and supplies to operate them for 3 years and Russia will cease to exist.

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    walmart employees have to survive black friday. they are the most combat capable force on earth. not even waffle house employees can defeat them (but only because they are not numerous enough, 100,000 waffle house employees could topple even the US Coast Guard)

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Black Friday hasn't been a major combat op for nearly a decade. High employee turnover means most of the real Black Friday veterans are no longer serving.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        A couple of people were badly hurt and one or two died in my city last Black Friday

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Waffle house employees are like African paratroopers. Only there for show and utterly unconcerned with the chaos within their borders. Being in a tough environment doesn't automatically make you a competent force.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Where did UAF tactically retreated from today?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Ya mums pussy

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    they'd conduct proxy wars in various low income area dollar stores for decades and never really meet that often in battle. It'd be a long war of attrition and russia would lose because walmart's revenue comes from feeding fat hogs and that's never drying up.

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Walmart vs Walmart Superpower

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    It's a tough call...Mobiks are one of the only forces on earth that actually receive more humiliation than a Walmart employee.

    To the people jerking off walmart for being american and thus well equipped...are you moronic? They won't even pay them $15/hr you think they're going to give their men good gear before they send them to die? They'd probably get a t-shirt and a pistol with two clips.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Mobiks are one of the only forces on earth that actually receive more humiliation than a Walmart employee.
      kind of incredible.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I have never seen a Walmart this well staffed in my life

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >$15/hr
      Still better pay and health insurance package than the average mobik gets

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >$15 an hour
      The average Russian gets paid like 13k per year. The average walmart employee in America gets paid more and has more benefits than the Russian military.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >average mobik gets paid like around 700 per month if we're being generous
      >the average Walmart employee at the bottom of the barrel in employment gets paid 25k per year
      Lets not get into their benefits.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Walmart has forklifts so probably them even if their standard soldier was equipped with the usual inventory of Walmart gear and guns

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Walmart may purchase any American-made weaponry that it can afford with its current revenue ($611.3 billion USD as of 2023)
    >Domestic cost: $3.5 million per one launcher+carrier (FY 2014); $4.4 million (in 2023) per one launcher+carrier $168,000 per one M31 GMLRS (FY 2023)
    1) Spend 44B on 10 000 launcher-carriers
    2) Spend 44B more on service and maintenance
    3) Spend 168B on 1 000 000 GLMRS rockets
    4) Kill each russian soldier individually by firing a GLMRS rocket with his name.
    5) Invest 25B into curing tinnitus.
    6) Keep the remaining 320B to stay in business
    6) ???
    7) Decisive Walmart victory

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    The greeter would probably kill 100 before they made it through the doors. Also russian vehicles would crush their own soldiers whilst looking for parking.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Also russian vehicles would crush their own soldiers whilst looking for parking.
      >implying Russians would be polite enough to park instead of just ditching their vehicles on the sidewalk or in the gardens

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >clocking into walmart for another tour
    >non commissioned manager tells me we need to cut a path through the lego aisle to reach the claires so we can cut off Russian logistics
    >before we can even make it to sporting goods we slip on a bunch of olive oil spilled by Target mercenaries
    >watch my friends and comrades die, a couple miles from home, covered in blood and Italian food products
    >war is hell

  17. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You're forgetting the white trash and Black person allies that Walmart has. They know without Wally World they're toast.

  18. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Walmart has mastered the secret art of using pallets so that immediately gives them an edge

  19. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Former wal-mart employee here, married to a current wal-mart employee. (the money is better than you think if you have at least 4 brain cells, making you stand out in a sea of tardos and incompetents, at least till you can no longer stand it like I couldn't)

    I would argue that under the right conditions Walmart employees could take on the Russian military with no outside resources (save for fuel), only using things found in walmart and their warehouses.

    Walmart has something the Russian military lacks, tons of US military members, both active and retired.
    Plus loads of feral rednecks, and ghetto trash, ect.
    Let's be generous and say half of the walmart numbers would be fit for service, and the other half would handle logistics, that still means Russians are fighting outnumbered for a change.

    Walmart might sell nothing but hunting rifles and shotguns mainly, but given time you could make any number of guns using supplies from walmart, explosives, armed drones, dummy fire rockets ect.

    Plus all of the fleets of semi trucks, 20+ jets, and other technicals they have access to.
    Walmart has vastly superior food, medical supplies, tents, camping equipment.

    Walmart also does a better job at indoctrinating people into the "wal mart family" as most Russian cannon fodder are former prisoners or rousted from the streets and pressed into service. (after they send in their spetznaz like some kind of supermen shock troops only to lose 75% of them in the first few months of combat)

    Every wal-mart soldier is gonna be outfitted with hunting camo, a full camelback of powerade and on hand 5 hour energies, a 308 scoped rifle, NODs (walmart sells pretty good night vision setups) brand new pristine comfy boots, clean non hand me down underwear, and plenty of ammo.

  20. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Walmart employees basically fight the Battle of Bakhmut every Friday after Thanksgiving

  21. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Forget Walmart, Russia can't defeat Costco Korps

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