ITT: incidences?

ITT: incidences /accidents you witnessed during your service

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    During OSUT one of my Drill Sergeants got the non-trainers to stack lockers on top each other and took out all the mattresses and used them to block the door to our bay

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >incidences
    The brain of a serviceman. How's the oncoming colorectal cancer?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      y so edgy bro

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's not the 1990s anymore your stories aren't interesting. Enjoy your poverty and 10% chance at making it to a mediocre middle management job in your 40s.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Not having served makes me feel bad in a weird way sometimes, too

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >incidences
      The brain of a serviceman. How's the oncoming colorectal cancer?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      And your stories never were interesting, and still aren't. Cope and seethe.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    My first weekend at my first duty station this super drunk guy was asked to leave a girl alone at a barracks party, and he pulled out a pistol and started blasting rounds in the general direction of the guys who told him to knock it off, then pointed the smoking gun at several people saying he'd kill us all. Then about a hundred MPs appeared out of nowhere and had us all hugging the ground at gun point. Nobody was hit, dude was arrested, and I had to testify at his court martial later.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      And now look at you, a CEO. You made it, anon. Those military years weren't a waste.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Ziggers RAUS

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I appreciate your concern, but I do just fine.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        [...]

        It's not the 1990s anymore your stories aren't interesting. Enjoy your poverty and 10% chance at making it to a mediocre middle management job in your 40s.

        so what has you in the "heterosexual punishment position" THIS time?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >that E2's name? Albert Einstein

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        military pay is frankly shit but if you want to be a fed its a great way to get privileged status and those fed jobs have bonkers pay:work ratios in addition to being MUCH safer from AI, outsourcing or H1B white collar coolies.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      everyone hates MP's until we save your lives
      truly the most thankless position in all militaries

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >*BEEP*
        sure thing bud, now gimme my ID back I got places to be.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Texas edition
          how? why?
          Is there a Massachusetts Edition?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        CANT SPELL WIMP WITHOUT THE MP

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >everyone hates MP's
        yes. no need to qualify it further

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >we
        gay

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >I want to sign up to give out speeding tickets and underage beer violations to my brothers in arms

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The MPs didn't save anybody that day, everything was already over by the time they got there.

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    As a prior Corpsman, I've seen some dumb shit:

    >Marines got drunk and decided to test a theory of theirs. They took two mattresses and taped them around some PFC, then (with the PFC's consent) they threw him off a second-story balcony. The PFC broke his leg and I was first responder

    >a Chief who drank waaay too much and pissed himself while other Chiefs were trying to prop him up. He must have been going through a tough time because he was bawling the whole time. This was in Dubai before we got back on the ship.

    >a girl who kept coming into medical for bacterial vaginosis. She said she didn't like the way the ship water felt on her skin, so she rarely bathed. The doctor wanted to get her put up for a psych evaluation as well.

    >a guy with 9/10 of his toenails ingrown. He was afraid to come to see doc because he didn't want his LPO giving him shit. Almost caught a malingering charge because of how bad his feet were

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >and decided to test a theory of theirs
      This was a common occurrence.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      so are soldiers just frat boys with guns?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Yes, that's literally what they are

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >so are soldiers just frat boys with guns?
        High schoolers with guns, really.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Precisely this.
          >t. active duty

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It doesnt matter how old you get. I saw a CSM and LTC table top a 1LT at the smoke pit. Shit was funny.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      theres no way anyone can walk around with ingrowns that bad
      ive had that and taking a step is agony, along with the toenail bleeding with puss
      it requires immediate surgery
      unfortunately after they removed my toenail it still had ingrowns and a new doctor scoffed that the previous one didnt simply burn the sides so the ingrowns would stop appearing

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He said 9/10s of his toenails were ingrown, not their condition. They could hurt bad but still be fully operable, especially if the guy has a higher pain tolerance

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      > and decided to test a theory of theirs

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    When I was in Security Forces tech school, we were at the FTX, they put the team moron on Internal Patrol, as he crossed down below under my tower, I asked him to refill my canteen, several minutes later he comes back and chucks it at my face like a football and chipped my left most Incisor tooth, every other person on Isert lightly lobbed it upwards but this double digit IQ FAS baby chucked it like he was throwing a frag at a communist foxhole.
    Also there was Screeching coming from the woods, at first I thought it was OPFOR but the cadre all pulled us back into the FOB and went out searching for the source of the noise. I asked other people who went through tech school around the same time as me if they heard screeching while at the FTX, apparently it's just the army, they like to screw with us.

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    After nine years, I don't have anything particularly unique or extraordinary, but I do have a funny anecdote of an incident that occurred around Camp Fuji. Out in town there was this Chinese lady who was crazy for American wiener. In the two or so months we spent around there, I'd run into her a number of times (during a period of several weeks) roaming the streets of Gotemba and at a small bar I'd frequent trying to get guys to go back with her to her hotel room. It didn't matter what you looked like, she'd be so brazen going as far as approaching guys and grabbing their wiener and balls in the public streets. Anyway, one night she took one of my Marines that we were out with and he went back to her hotel. A couple hours later, time was ticking and I sent one of my guys to go get him and break things up. Knowing we were going to be out past curfew, I called up my buddy on duty and asked for him to log us in and we ended up sneaking past the gate and getting in an hour or so after curfew. It was honestly a small miracle that we were able to find him. Also, that lady was actually Chinese, at the bar we frequented an older Japanese man was interested in her, and I had to explain to him in his language that she was Chinese. Sometimes I ponder if she was just some crazy nymphomaniac, or if she had some strange ulterior motive to gather intelligence or get guys in trouble by entrapping them or something. Good times, I had an interesting group of friends there among us Sailors and Marines was a salary man, a couple pensioners, a bar maid and a stripper. Knowing a bit of Japanese can go a long way.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      She hot?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        She was pretty average. Decent body but not a great face. She'd probably clean up well if she dressed better and wore makeup. Probably a solid 5 or maybe 6/10.

        Out past curfew always leads to the best times in Japan

        Such a good time. When we went to Korea for the Korean-Marine Exchange Program it was just my company so rules were relaxed and we had no curfew. It almost took the magic out of it lol.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Out past curfew always leads to the best times in Japan

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >that time a dude got his fingers crushed in the drive wheel of an M1 Abrams (picture 4 hot dogs after OP's mom sat on them)
    >that time the AS3 CPT (black) buttraped the CHEMO LT (white and dorky) while hammered (he went to Leavenworth)
    >that time a dude got kidnapped and beaten in a basement by polish nationals
    >the major alcoholic PFC who drove his M2 Bradley drunk on more than one occassion
    >that time a tabbed former batt boy got walked in on while he was riding a bigass dildo with a skirt and thighhighs on
    >NDs with the 25mm and M1 main gun
    >NDs with M2A1s
    >NDs with small arms that almost noscoped the BC, CSM, and several COs at different times
    >the gay homies who gave the whole battalion pinkeye by fricking in the common showers while deployed
    >that dude who turned out to be some kind of insane gay BDSM enthusiast as well as a former mid level KKK member
    >that time a dude got caught sucking a dude off in a connex at NTC during the box (imagine the smell)

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >ND with M1 cannon
      How

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >How
        Itzer
        How-Itzer, anon

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          How should I know how she is?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >almost braining the CSM
      did an ion canon beam reign down from heaven with a gigantic 50 foot knife hand?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that dude who turned out to be some kind of insane gay BDSM enthusiast as well as a former mid level KKK member
      Average /k/ browser.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Can't tell me that wouldn't be an interesting person to share a few beers with.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >weeellll I thought I hated Black folk but truth is I think I just really liked the whippin' n' such

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            ok, that was pretty funny
            country boys do be kinda freaky

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >NDs with the 25mm and M1 main gun
      Part and parcel of training

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>that time a tabbed former batt boy got walked in on while he was riding a bigass dildo with a skirt and thighhighs on
      Was he cute? Did he wear a collar?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Now we're asking the real questions

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      how is the military so gay?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Back in like 2015 ish when the military started going turbo woke and forcing all those bullshit classes on everyone, I went to an EO class and the woman talking was talking about how sexuality is a spectrum and labels like gay and straight are outdated.
        Anyways to make a long motherfrickin story short I got drunk one night and started thinking if I was on the gay spectrum and didn't know it yet, so I got a gay PV2 from another company to jerk me off behind a dumpster. I couldn't get hard and wasn't feeling anything after a few minutes of stroking so I figure I definitely know I'm straight now.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Most of the military is young, still pretty impulsive teenagers or 20-somethings who are horned the frick up from being fit and loaded with calories and bored as shit. Tends to speed up the 'experimentation' thing. Or I'm just full of shit.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>that time a tabbed former batt boy got walked in on while he was riding a bigass dildo with a skirt and thighhighs on

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    That image strikes a strange, almost primal level of fear that I don't quite understand.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Guy got unalived by being run over... by a tank...

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >unalived
      Stupid fricking tiktok zoomer anti-algorithm Black personlingo.
      You have to be 18 to post here.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        meds

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >that guy that got literal AIDS
    >that guy that made a functional barracks meth lab
    >that DYEL guy that got busted in a steroid ring by NCIS
    >that guy that hid an underage girl in his wall locker
    >that guy that stabbed a Corporal during field day
    >that guy that fricked a troony
    >that guy that became a troony
    >that guy that tried to choke out his platoon sergeant during PT formation on a bad acid trip
    >that guy that ate "the banana
    >that guy that NDed and shot the ship
    >that guy that smoked K2 and Salvia in the barracks out of a Gatorade bottle
    >those guys that went UA after smuggling for the cartel
    >that guy that didn't and got arrested
    >those guys that ran a train on "Bridgette the Midget" in the barracks
    >that guy that took a shit right outside of the PX
    >that guy that got caught beatin in the duty hut
    >that guy that only brought 300 pounders back to the barracks and called it "hoggin"
    >that guy who got caught suckin another guys dick
    >that guy who threw a beer bottle at the OOD
    >those guys that started a company sized brawl in a p-way underway
    >that guy always talking about feet
    >that guy that pulled a loaded M9 on another guy
    FROM THE HALLS OF MONTEZUUUUMA

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that guy that tried to choke out his platoon sergeant during PT formation on a bad acid trip
      I need details

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Guy was a repeat frick-up, had already been to the brig at least once, was already pending an OTH discharge. He was tripping balls from the night before, platoon sergeant chewed him out for being late. He tried to choke said platoon sergeant out (because he was presumably spooked, getting chewed out on a trip) and multiple guys and duty broke it up.

        >those guys that ran a train on "Bridgette the Midget" in the barracks
        This the San Mateo chow hall incident that happened a couple years back? Heard a similar story while on MEU in Oki.
        Also got a modestly wild yet tame story while stuck in Kuwait.

        Pulgas, some years ago.

        >That guy who kept a live mortar round in his wall locker, on the top shelf, "for shiggles."
        >That guy who drunkenly waved the loaded ATI MP40 he kept in his barracks room at PMO on a Friday night and nearly got shot.
        >That guy who put too much weight on the leg press at French Creek, extended too far, and inverted his knees like a Gmod ragdoll.
        >That guy who was cuffed by CID in front of everyone at field day formation. He thought knowingly sexting a 14 year old girl was a good idea. I guess his older, hot ass wife being in college six hours away was just too much to handle.
        >That guy who drunkenly threw a sharpened broomstick at the Duty NCO from third deck like Leonidas in "300" and cut his face open.
        >That guy who chugged a beer with one hand while holding his IV bag up with the other. Par for the course at an infantry battalion. We love you, Doc.
        >That guy who stole two rifles and nearly fricked over the Christmas plans of everyone stationed at Camp Lejeune.
        >That guy who ND'd an M203 and almost murdered our good guy BC and everyone else in the COC tent.
        > I didn't see this happen, but that guy in another unit who was messing with his Glock 19 in the barracks and accidentally shot his roommate in the back of the head while he was playing Battlefield, killing him instantly.
        >That guy with 81's who fired a short round at Range 400 that landed on us instead of the target. Nobody died, but I will never look at human blood the same way again. If you were at 29 Palms ~March 2020 you heard about it.
        Semper Gumby 🙂

        >that 81mm check fire
        Holy shit, dude.

        all me btw
        >semper yut

        Rah

        >>that guy that ate "the banana
        dare I ask

        In Okinawa and Thailand, the banana show or pong show entails strippers shoving many things up their cooch and launching them out. A banana is often one of them, and I saw a grunt eat said banana.
        Wanted to give a Thai stripper an expert badge when she popped a balloon with a pussy propelled dart.
        Those poor turtles, though. They didn't deserve to get shoved up there.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Those poor turtles, though. They didn't deserve to get shoved up there.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Wanted to give a Thai stripper an expert badge when she popped a balloon with a pussy propelled dart.
          get summm

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous
        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Those poor turtles, though. They didn't deserve to get shoved up there.
          Aight I'm boutta head out

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          There is a stripper in Okinawa that will pour a can of Coke and 3 shots of vodka in her pussy then start her dance. At the end of the dance she will “release” the contents into 2 glasses still somehow unmixed and then sell the yet to be mixed drink to highest bidder. It’s truly impressive

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >those guys that ran a train on "Bridgette the Midget" in the barracks
      This the San Mateo chow hall incident that happened a couple years back? Heard a similar story while on MEU in Oki.
      Also got a modestly wild yet tame story while stuck in Kuwait.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Summer 2020
        >Infantry battalion deployed to CENTCOM during Covid
        >Most of HQ unit sets up shop in Al-Jaber AFB in Kuwait
        >hotter than dick
        >HQ building I worked a 06-18 in has a duty Marine immediately at the front of door
        >Just some schmuck with a con 3 weapon at all times, 12 hour shifts.
        >AF also required some Marines to help stand post with their SecFor dudes
        >This inherently requires a SOG for supervision
        >Basically check up on dudes if they need water/chow
        >AF requires SOG to carry shitty M9 in Con 3 at all times
        >Cpl buddy of mine is made the SOG
        >"Whatever, at least they give us a truck to drive"
        >Be me
        >Finish work in HQ building
        >start shooting the shit with comm dude I'm familiar with that happens to be on duty
        >Hispanic Marine from the S4 shop comes by and joins in.
        >Most of command is still present, but the day is basically winding down so nobody is too dick-ish about idle chatter
        >Hispanic Marine goes on tiny rant on how shit ain't going well and we all joke about him committing an hero for teh lulz
        >Cpl buddy comes in
        >Catch him up to speed
        >Hispanic Marine - "God, sometimes I legit do think about popping my grape"
        >Cpl buddy unholsters and just hands him M9
        >Guy takes it, flips off safety and racks the slide
        >we all watch for shits and giggles
        >"ooooh"
        >puts it up to his temple
        >"oooooooooooh"
        >Slowly squeezes trigger (legit a quarter in. pull)
        >"oooooOOOOOOOH"
        >Pulls gun away and puts it back on safe
        >"Nah, not today man."
        >a good 5-10 keks
        >Cpl buddy unloads/clears the weapon
        >Hispanic Marine - "wait, it was loaded?"
        >ofw

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          We all had 4 different reactions if he had went through with it
          >Cpl buddy was gonna immediately run out then run back in saying Hispanic Marine stole it before running in to do the deed
          >Hispanic Marine was shocked but just laughed it off
          >I was gonna be happy af because 30 days free leave for witnessing suicide
          >Comm dude was shook for the rest of the day

          great times.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            ..wtf 30 days leave.

            We had a Marine an hero on the range and we finished the range with him dead behind the rso bench

            Corps soft now

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Or so i thought at the time, apparently they got rid of it at some point unless "the Marine displayed catastrophic symptoms of grief at the scene of the incident if present" or some shit.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I mean, hypothetically, I'd be pretty upset if a guy just shooting the shit with me at the end of a work day blew his head off accidentally as a joke.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >>Guy takes it, flips off safety and racks the slide
          >>we all watch for shits and giggles
          >>"ooooh"
          >>puts it up to his temple
          >>"oooooooooooh"
          squeezes trigger (legit a quarter in. pull)
          dude a 92fs racked would be a hair trigger

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            We would've thought the same thing too, but nah we qualed with those same M9's like a month prior. you gotta SQUEEZE that mf. it had a stiffer trigger-pull than the fricking M4's we had.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that DYEL guy that got busted in a steroid ring by NCIS
      It’s been a childhood fantasy of mine to be arrested by NCIS (well at least by one that looks like Ziva), but alas I’m neither American nor have I committed any naval crimes.

      >those guys that ran a train on "Bridgette the Midget" in the barracks
      This the San Mateo chow hall incident that happened a couple years back? Heard a similar story while on MEU in Oki.
      Also got a modestly wild yet tame story while stuck in Kuwait.

      >Also got a modestly wild yet tame story while stuck in Kuwait.
      Kuwait stories are always based so I would like to hear it

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous
    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that guy that only brought 300 pounders back to the barracks and called it "hoggin"

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>that guy that ate "the banana
      dare I ask

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >That guy who kept a live mortar round in his wall locker, on the top shelf, "for shiggles."
      >That guy who drunkenly waved the loaded ATI MP40 he kept in his barracks room at PMO on a Friday night and nearly got shot.
      >That guy who put too much weight on the leg press at French Creek, extended too far, and inverted his knees like a Gmod ragdoll.
      >That guy who was cuffed by CID in front of everyone at field day formation. He thought knowingly sexting a 14 year old girl was a good idea. I guess his older, hot ass wife being in college six hours away was just too much to handle.
      >That guy who drunkenly threw a sharpened broomstick at the Duty NCO from third deck like Leonidas in "300" and cut his face open.
      >That guy who chugged a beer with one hand while holding his IV bag up with the other. Par for the course at an infantry battalion. We love you, Doc.
      >That guy who stole two rifles and nearly fricked over the Christmas plans of everyone stationed at Camp Lejeune.
      >That guy who ND'd an M203 and almost murdered our good guy BC and everyone else in the COC tent.
      > I didn't see this happen, but that guy in another unit who was messing with his Glock 19 in the barracks and accidentally shot his roommate in the back of the head while he was playing Battlefield, killing him instantly.
      >That guy with 81's who fired a short round at Range 400 that landed on us instead of the target. Nobody died, but I will never look at human blood the same way again. If you were at 29 Palms ~March 2020 you heard about it.
      Semper Gumby 🙂

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >That guy with 81's who fired a short round at Range 400 that landed on us instead of the target. Nobody died, but I will never look at human blood the same way again. If you were at 29 Palms ~March 2020 you heard about it.
        Holy shit I was there for that.
        Came down the pipeline to everyone in Camp Wilson as rumors
        >Some SSgt basically on his way out of the Corps leading an OpFor PLT
        >Apparently stepped on UXO
        >Everyone thought it was an arty shell for about 15 secs
        >Then thought it was a mortar shell
        >Then thought it was a grenade
        >Never found out
        >We heard the dude was okay but leg was absolutely fricked

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >That guy who drunkenly threw a sharpened broomstick at the Duty NCO from third deck like Leonidas in "300" and cut his face open.
        Nasty shit, but LMAO at the idea of the scene

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      all me btw
      >semper yut

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that guy that NDed and shot the ship
      A tale as old as time itself.
      >westpac 2003
      >rainier or bridge (forget which) is firing 25mm
      >firing cutoff detents aren't working
      >gun crew gets target fixation, continues engaging target as ship steams past
      >successfully engages own ship's superstructure

      Fortunately it was a TPT round. No injuries if I recall. Around the same time period and one of the same ships:
      >dismounting m2 after exercise
      >crew removes belt, does not clear chamber
      >crew carries m2 down ladder, one sailor holding barrel and the other the buffer
      >inadvertently hits trigger
      >m2 is now clear
      >multiple injuries and a minor flooding casualty due to a firemain being hit

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How've you been man?! Havent heard from you since you EAS'ed hope you've been well. Remember that one field op when 1stSgt went crazy. Good times.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that dude who built a meth lab in the barracks and started a fire
      >that girl who left her kids in the bathtub and "Left to get chicken wings" coming back to one burned and drowned to death
      >that guy who got robbed of $40 and shot to death by soldiers he didn't know
      >that dude who got lost as Land Nav and died of dehydration during WLS and the cadre were talking about how he went AWOL to frick some girl
      >that kid who hid his M16 in the ceiling to go off post and then couldn't find it so claimed it was missing and we had to do arms across Ft Gordon at fricking 2am
      >that naval officer who ran into the room, put his pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger as part of a game but it was loaded
      >that girl who claimed rape because she was drunk from the night before and they found 3 semen signatures in her, none of the guy she claimed raped her and eventually confessed she was just trying to get out of trouble, she didn't lose her rank but the guy did because he was also drunk

      Guys - if you have the chance to be a federal LEO - take it - it's never boring.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >that naval officer who ran into the room, put his pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger as part of a game but it was loaded
        Darwin's theory at work. What moronic game were they playing?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          they were issued pistols in Kuwait, and the game was joking about killing yourself and shocking the others with your pistols. Turns out he won.

          I was involved because shockingly, he did not die and was later recommended for prosecution which ultimately they did not do.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >was later recommended for prosecution which ultimately they did not do
            I suppose they figured nearly topping yourself was punishment enough.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Got a fricking Chronicle.
      >be me
      >LCpl chucklefrick in 29 Palms for ITX early 2020, JUST before Covid took off
      >get sent to Road Guard
      >a small unit made up of shitbags, fresh boots, salty Lances and other undesirables from every other unit participating
      >Shenanigans galore
      >Guy crafted a flame "thrower" with a tent pole, duct tape, Monster can, and a Jet Boil.
      >Every night we had "story time" where some dude lit a small torch telling us greentexts from /x/
      >Even the NCO's allow it
      >great time even when having to post up in the middle of the fricking desert.
      To give a bit of context, the duty was basically have some dudes posted by intersections of the various and isolated dirt roads throughout the sandbox. Post was usually 4 days on with 2-3 Marines per post to radio/ferry all traffic while ranges were hot/cold. This was to prevent people from accidentally wandering down range during exercises which involved sniper fire, mortars, artillery, and aircraft munitions. We even got commended by a full-bird for courageous actions because a post radioed a ceasefire for an active arty shoot because a van full of Sodexo Chow-tards just blew past the checkpoint without stopping, unknowingly driving down range. When we weren't on post we were allowed to basically chill tf out in the hooches. However, one fateful day shit went fricking bonkers.
      >Be me
      >chilling in hooch with buds
      >One day one of the dudes I came into the unit with
      >we'll call him Daxter
      >He comes in the hooch shook af
      >apparently his roommate that stayed in the rear back in Pendleton ratted him out to the command
      >apparently rat had broken into his locked closet to steal his gear to give to his buds and came across a FRICKTON of contraband
      >weed
      >dope
      >ammo
      >loaded Mac-10
      >holyshidwutdafug.gif
      >Battalion knows
      >They explicit told his platoon NOT to let Daxter know
      >His buds in the platoon find out and tell him anyways
      >He's in a slight panic, but calms down eventually

      1/?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >eventually a week goes by and nothing happens
        >We all figure he'll just get punished once we're back in Pendleton
        >ITX ends in about 2 weeks anyways
        >Come Friday morning
        >we do role call as usual (one at 0600, one at 1800)
        >we all muster
        >Daxter in the green-on-green tracksuit as usual
        >go about the day lounging around, gym, PX and utilizing the jackshack located in an isolated part of Camp Wilson for no apparent reason
        >come 1800 role call
        >"Daxter!"
        >...
        >"LCpl Daxter!"
        >"here"
        >somebody mutters it for him before everyone turns around to physically see if he's here
        >nobody cares
        >continue chilling with buds
        >2100
        >one of them snuck some Benadryl for ppl that wanted to experience the trips
        >3 dudes agree
        >"damn, where's Daxter i know he wouldn't wanna miss this shit"
        >we all realized that besides the morning we haven't seen him all day
        >no way
        >"... y'all don't think he"
        >we all scurry
        >6 of us split up wandering all of Camp Wilson looking and asking around for him
        >Let one of the Cpl's knows
        >"oh frick... look it's 21:30, if we can't find him by 22:00 we'll go let-"
        >as if on cue, The SSgt and 1stLt in charge of us pass by our tent fast af
        >full cammies and head STRAIGHT to the BN HQ tent
        >welp.mp3
        >Whole camp goes on lockdown with Daxter's platoon combing the entire fricking area for him
        >His TL comes and interrogates me since I knew him
        >threatens hell if I'm lying
        >Bruhonmymomma.gif
        >nothing
        >next morning got briefed by SSgt and 1stLt
        >Check Snapchat
        >single story from Daxter
        >"where's Gary" with a low-res pic of Gary from Spongebob
        >Thesonofabitchdidit.jpg

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          2/?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Fukken solid.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          2/?

          2.5/?

          forgot to mention that while the search was commencing we had to hide the 3 dudes tripping absolute BALLS off the benny. funnily enough we all thought "lol let's ask the guy higher than a kite if he can "see" Daxter.
          >"oh blessed and guided one we come to you in search of truth"
          >"what... is... it... that... you wish... to find?
          >"where is our compatriot. Where is Daxter?"
          >does some weird shit with hsi hands while lying down
          >Eyes closed
          >BIG gasp of air
          >eyes opened as if god graced him
          >"where is he, foreteller?"
          >we're all giggling like reatrds
          >"He... Daxter... Pendleton... He is... back in Pendleton"
          >chucklefricking stops
          >"are you sure?"
          >"He... just left... his room. All I see. Is what he sees. He now stares at the... concrete. His eyes averting."
          >dude comes down and passes tf out

          Shit you not, a week later Barracks Duty caught him before our battalion had finished ITX. Before he got sent to the brig, he was basically on house arrest in the barracks. I got to ask him wtf happened. I gotta go to work, but if the thread is still up, I'll post the epilogue.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            this is fricking hilarious, almost makes me wish I was gonna join as an enlist
            No chance O1-2s get up to anything similar is there?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          https://i.imgur.com/bfERhJt.gif

          [...]
          2.5/?

          forgot to mention that while the search was commencing we had to hide the 3 dudes tripping absolute BALLS off the benny. funnily enough we all thought "lol let's ask the guy higher than a kite if he can "see" Daxter.
          >"oh blessed and guided one we come to you in search of truth"
          >"what... is... it... that... you wish... to find?
          >"where is our compatriot. Where is Daxter?"
          >does some weird shit with hsi hands while lying down
          >Eyes closed
          >BIG gasp of air
          >eyes opened as if god graced him
          >"where is he, foreteller?"
          >we're all giggling like reatrds
          >"He... Daxter... Pendleton... He is... back in Pendleton"
          >chucklefricking stops
          >"are you sure?"
          >"He... just left... his room. All I see. Is what he sees. He now stares at the... concrete. His eyes averting."
          >dude comes down and passes tf out

          Shit you not, a week later Barracks Duty caught him before our battalion had finished ITX. Before he got sent to the brig, he was basically on house arrest in the barracks. I got to ask him wtf happened. I gotta go to work, but if the thread is still up, I'll post the epilogue.

          >snuck one of the worst deliriants for a “psychedelic trip”
          Fake and gay, taking diphenhydramine at very high doses makes you nauseous as shit and is highly unpleasant. He would probably be freaking his shit out about insects crawling on him and not doing the moronic foreseeing bullshit you did.

          Diphenhydramine pills have a horrible chalky bitter taste if they linger in your mouth for too long, and in my case I didn’t even get anything which is probably fricking good because I felt like complete shit the day after.

          Make your fake ass stories less obvious gayet

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        https://i.imgur.com/eRzdaxK.jpeg

        >eventually a week goes by and nothing happens
        >We all figure he'll just get punished once we're back in Pendleton
        >ITX ends in about 2 weeks anyways
        >Come Friday morning
        >we do role call as usual (one at 0600, one at 1800)
        >we all muster
        >Daxter in the green-on-green tracksuit as usual
        >go about the day lounging around, gym, PX and utilizing the jackshack located in an isolated part of Camp Wilson for no apparent reason
        >come 1800 role call
        >"Daxter!"
        >...
        >"LCpl Daxter!"
        >"here"
        >somebody mutters it for him before everyone turns around to physically see if he's here
        >nobody cares
        >continue chilling with buds
        >2100
        >one of them snuck some Benadryl for ppl that wanted to experience the trips
        >3 dudes agree
        >"damn, where's Daxter i know he wouldn't wanna miss this shit"
        >we all realized that besides the morning we haven't seen him all day
        >no way
        >"... y'all don't think he"
        >we all scurry
        >6 of us split up wandering all of Camp Wilson looking and asking around for him
        >Let one of the Cpl's knows
        >"oh frick... look it's 21:30, if we can't find him by 22:00 we'll go let-"
        >as if on cue, The SSgt and 1stLt in charge of us pass by our tent fast af
        >full cammies and head STRAIGHT to the BN HQ tent
        >welp.mp3
        >Whole camp goes on lockdown with Daxter's platoon combing the entire fricking area for him
        >His TL comes and interrogates me since I knew him
        >threatens hell if I'm lying
        >Bruhonmymomma.gif
        >nothing
        >next morning got briefed by SSgt and 1stLt
        >Check Snapchat
        >single story from Daxter
        >"where's Gary" with a low-res pic of Gary from Spongebob
        >Thesonofabitchdidit.jpg

        https://i.imgur.com/bfERhJt.gif

        [...]
        2.5/?

        forgot to mention that while the search was commencing we had to hide the 3 dudes tripping absolute BALLS off the benny. funnily enough we all thought "lol let's ask the guy higher than a kite if he can "see" Daxter.
        >"oh blessed and guided one we come to you in search of truth"
        >"what... is... it... that... you wish... to find?
        >"where is our compatriot. Where is Daxter?"
        >does some weird shit with hsi hands while lying down
        >Eyes closed
        >BIG gasp of air
        >eyes opened as if god graced him
        >"where is he, foreteller?"
        >we're all giggling like reatrds
        >"He... Daxter... Pendleton... He is... back in Pendleton"
        >chucklefricking stops
        >"are you sure?"
        >"He... just left... his room. All I see. Is what he sees. He now stares at the... concrete. His eyes averting."
        >dude comes down and passes tf out

        Shit you not, a week later Barracks Duty caught him before our battalion had finished ITX. Before he got sent to the brig, he was basically on house arrest in the barracks. I got to ask him wtf happened. I gotta go to work, but if the thread is still up, I'll post the epilogue.

        Alright I'm back and therefore the story continues
        3/?

        >Get to talk to Daxter while we're still prepping to go on deployment
        >Rona panic is now in FULL swing so Daxter's paperwork is bogged down
        >basically on house arrest in barracks
        >Chill with him one night
        >He tells the tale
        >Apparently, the moment he found out he'd been ratted out he started planning
        >so he began taking out max amount of money from ATM in wilson
        >Every
        >Single
        >Day
        >the final day arrives
        >the night prior he packed some of civvie clothes into a PX plastic bag
        >after morning role call, he took the shuttle to the PX
        Sidenote, SSgt and 1stLt allowed for us to take the shutle to Mainside if we gave him the 5 W's and made sure to be back by evening role call. Again, Road Guard was the most skate shit, it could rival the fricking X-games.
        >he gets on shuttle in his green-on-green tracksuit and his PX bag of clothes
        >gets to the Mainside PX
        >changes into civvies
        >flags a taxi down
        >tells him to take him to the nearest greyhound bus station
        >okay
        >Gets there and feels euphoric apparently
        >"i can go fricking ANYWHERE i want"
        >decides he'll make cash slinging dope in LA
        >Apparently he does and makes double the total amount he pulled out from the ATM
        >eventually, business has him go down near Oceanside
        For those who don't know it's a military coastal town rectally attached to the south of Camp Pendleton.
        >apparently shacks up with some homeless lady
        >apparently a deal goes sideways
        >he dips in the nick of time as PD show up
        >he ducked into an alleyway
        >almost got away when some waitress or whatever that was taking out the trash opens the door
        >she screamed because he startled her by accident
        >PD comes down to see commotion
        >pads him down
        >finds stuff
        >Apparently cop was also Marine
        >"Look kid. I'ma take you back on base because rn you'd go to prison for a long time. I'll let ur unit sort it out."
        >Takes him on base
        Oh wait it gets better

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        https://i.imgur.com/eRzdaxK.jpeg

        >eventually a week goes by and nothing happens
        >We all figure he'll just get punished once we're back in Pendleton
        >ITX ends in about 2 weeks anyways
        >Come Friday morning
        >we do role call as usual (one at 0600, one at 1800)
        >we all muster
        >Daxter in the green-on-green tracksuit as usual
        >go about the day lounging around, gym, PX and utilizing the jackshack located in an isolated part of Camp Wilson for no apparent reason
        >come 1800 role call
        >"Daxter!"
        >...
        >"LCpl Daxter!"
        >"here"
        >somebody mutters it for him before everyone turns around to physically see if he's here
        >nobody cares
        >continue chilling with buds
        >2100
        >one of them snuck some Benadryl for ppl that wanted to experience the trips
        >3 dudes agree
        >"damn, where's Daxter i know he wouldn't wanna miss this shit"
        >we all realized that besides the morning we haven't seen him all day
        >no way
        >"... y'all don't think he"
        >we all scurry
        >6 of us split up wandering all of Camp Wilson looking and asking around for him
        >Let one of the Cpl's knows
        >"oh frick... look it's 21:30, if we can't find him by 22:00 we'll go let-"
        >as if on cue, The SSgt and 1stLt in charge of us pass by our tent fast af
        >full cammies and head STRAIGHT to the BN HQ tent
        >welp.mp3
        >Whole camp goes on lockdown with Daxter's platoon combing the entire fricking area for him
        >His TL comes and interrogates me since I knew him
        >threatens hell if I'm lying
        >Bruhonmymomma.gif
        >nothing
        >next morning got briefed by SSgt and 1stLt
        >Check Snapchat
        >single story from Daxter
        >"where's Gary" with a low-res pic of Gary from Spongebob
        >Thesonofabitchdidit.jpg

        https://i.imgur.com/bfERhJt.gif

        [...]
        2.5/?

        forgot to mention that while the search was commencing we had to hide the 3 dudes tripping absolute BALLS off the benny. funnily enough we all thought "lol let's ask the guy higher than a kite if he can "see" Daxter.
        >"oh blessed and guided one we come to you in search of truth"
        >"what... is... it... that... you wish... to find?
        >"where is our compatriot. Where is Daxter?"
        >does some weird shit with hsi hands while lying down
        >Eyes closed
        >BIG gasp of air
        >eyes opened as if god graced him
        >"where is he, foreteller?"
        >we're all giggling like reatrds
        >"He... Daxter... Pendleton... He is... back in Pendleton"
        >chucklefricking stops
        >"are you sure?"
        >"He... just left... his room. All I see. Is what he sees. He now stares at the... concrete. His eyes averting."
        >dude comes down and passes tf out

        Shit you not, a week later Barracks Duty caught him before our battalion had finished ITX. Before he got sent to the brig, he was basically on house arrest in the barracks. I got to ask him wtf happened. I gotta go to work, but if the thread is still up, I'll post the epilogue.

        https://i.imgur.com/DZZ8Nxl.gif

        [...]
        [...]
        Alright I'm back and therefore the story continues
        3/?

        >Get to talk to Daxter while we're still prepping to go on deployment
        >Rona panic is now in FULL swing so Daxter's paperwork is bogged down
        >basically on house arrest in barracks
        >Chill with him one night
        >He tells the tale
        >Apparently, the moment he found out he'd been ratted out he started planning
        >so he began taking out max amount of money from ATM in wilson
        >Every
        >Single
        >Day
        >the final day arrives
        >the night prior he packed some of civvie clothes into a PX plastic bag
        >after morning role call, he took the shuttle to the PX
        Sidenote, SSgt and 1stLt allowed for us to take the shutle to Mainside if we gave him the 5 W's and made sure to be back by evening role call. Again, Road Guard was the most skate shit, it could rival the fricking X-games.
        >he gets on shuttle in his green-on-green tracksuit and his PX bag of clothes
        >gets to the Mainside PX
        >changes into civvies
        >flags a taxi down
        >tells him to take him to the nearest greyhound bus station
        >okay
        >Gets there and feels euphoric apparently
        >"i can go fricking ANYWHERE i want"
        >decides he'll make cash slinging dope in LA
        >Apparently he does and makes double the total amount he pulled out from the ATM
        >eventually, business has him go down near Oceanside
        For those who don't know it's a military coastal town rectally attached to the south of Camp Pendleton.
        >apparently shacks up with some homeless lady
        >apparently a deal goes sideways
        >he dips in the nick of time as PD show up
        >he ducked into an alleyway
        >almost got away when some waitress or whatever that was taking out the trash opens the door
        >she screamed because he startled her by accident
        >PD comes down to see commotion
        >pads him down
        >finds stuff
        >Apparently cop was also Marine
        >"Look kid. I'ma take you back on base because rn you'd go to prison for a long time. I'll let ur unit sort it out."
        >Takes him on base
        Oh wait it gets better

        >Tells gate guards he just found him passed out drunk
        >just gonna drop him off in front of the duty hut
        >Mind you he is AWOL status and was declared possibly armed and dangerous
        >MP were to hold him at gunpoint if found
        >Daxter has his shirt over his head
        >MP's allow the cop through because he had his Vet card or some shit
        >didn't bother to really get a good look at him
        >officer pulls right up to Barracks
        >tells him "all I want to see is you walk into the duty hut. Ima drive off after that, and what happens next idc."
        >gets out
        >walks into duty hut
        Mind you this was anewly built barracks with a separate duty hut that was like a small conference building. It had a main lobby that led to a back meeting room on the side. Walking straight you would enter the attached laundry room and from the laundry room was another door that led outside
        >he walks across the lobby
        >he hears the cop car pull off
        >literally was about to turn the knob to the laundry
        >"H-Hey Cpl I think that's the guy!!"
        >"Huh? Whatever, hey fricker get over he- HOLY SHIT GET THE FRICK ON THE GROUND b***h
        >iguessmysummervacationis...over.mp3

        The fricked up part was BN Commander was just gonna give him a BN-level NJP for the possession of shit. This escalated it to full dishonorable discharge.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        https://i.imgur.com/eRzdaxK.jpeg

        >eventually a week goes by and nothing happens
        >We all figure he'll just get punished once we're back in Pendleton
        >ITX ends in about 2 weeks anyways
        >Come Friday morning
        >we do role call as usual (one at 0600, one at 1800)
        >we all muster
        >Daxter in the green-on-green tracksuit as usual
        >go about the day lounging around, gym, PX and utilizing the jackshack located in an isolated part of Camp Wilson for no apparent reason
        >come 1800 role call
        >"Daxter!"
        >...
        >"LCpl Daxter!"
        >"here"
        >somebody mutters it for him before everyone turns around to physically see if he's here
        >nobody cares
        >continue chilling with buds
        >2100
        >one of them snuck some Benadryl for ppl that wanted to experience the trips
        >3 dudes agree
        >"damn, where's Daxter i know he wouldn't wanna miss this shit"
        >we all realized that besides the morning we haven't seen him all day
        >no way
        >"... y'all don't think he"
        >we all scurry
        >6 of us split up wandering all of Camp Wilson looking and asking around for him
        >Let one of the Cpl's knows
        >"oh frick... look it's 21:30, if we can't find him by 22:00 we'll go let-"
        >as if on cue, The SSgt and 1stLt in charge of us pass by our tent fast af
        >full cammies and head STRAIGHT to the BN HQ tent
        >welp.mp3
        >Whole camp goes on lockdown with Daxter's platoon combing the entire fricking area for him
        >His TL comes and interrogates me since I knew him
        >threatens hell if I'm lying
        >Bruhonmymomma.gif
        >nothing
        >next morning got briefed by SSgt and 1stLt
        >Check Snapchat
        >single story from Daxter
        >"where's Gary" with a low-res pic of Gary from Spongebob
        >Thesonofabitchdidit.jpg

        https://i.imgur.com/bfERhJt.gif

        [...]
        2.5/?

        forgot to mention that while the search was commencing we had to hide the 3 dudes tripping absolute BALLS off the benny. funnily enough we all thought "lol let's ask the guy higher than a kite if he can "see" Daxter.
        >"oh blessed and guided one we come to you in search of truth"
        >"what... is... it... that... you wish... to find?
        >"where is our compatriot. Where is Daxter?"
        >does some weird shit with hsi hands while lying down
        >Eyes closed
        >BIG gasp of air
        >eyes opened as if god graced him
        >"where is he, foreteller?"
        >we're all giggling like reatrds
        >"He... Daxter... Pendleton... He is... back in Pendleton"
        >chucklefricking stops
        >"are you sure?"
        >"He... just left... his room. All I see. Is what he sees. He now stares at the... concrete. His eyes averting."
        >dude comes down and passes tf out

        Shit you not, a week later Barracks Duty caught him before our battalion had finished ITX. Before he got sent to the brig, he was basically on house arrest in the barracks. I got to ask him wtf happened. I gotta go to work, but if the thread is still up, I'll post the epilogue.

        https://i.imgur.com/DZZ8Nxl.gif

        [...]
        [...]
        Alright I'm back and therefore the story continues
        3/?

        >Get to talk to Daxter while we're still prepping to go on deployment
        >Rona panic is now in FULL swing so Daxter's paperwork is bogged down
        >basically on house arrest in barracks
        >Chill with him one night
        >He tells the tale
        >Apparently, the moment he found out he'd been ratted out he started planning
        >so he began taking out max amount of money from ATM in wilson
        >Every
        >Single
        >Day
        >the final day arrives
        >the night prior he packed some of civvie clothes into a PX plastic bag
        >after morning role call, he took the shuttle to the PX
        Sidenote, SSgt and 1stLt allowed for us to take the shutle to Mainside if we gave him the 5 W's and made sure to be back by evening role call. Again, Road Guard was the most skate shit, it could rival the fricking X-games.
        >he gets on shuttle in his green-on-green tracksuit and his PX bag of clothes
        >gets to the Mainside PX
        >changes into civvies
        >flags a taxi down
        >tells him to take him to the nearest greyhound bus station
        >okay
        >Gets there and feels euphoric apparently
        >"i can go fricking ANYWHERE i want"
        >decides he'll make cash slinging dope in LA
        >Apparently he does and makes double the total amount he pulled out from the ATM
        >eventually, business has him go down near Oceanside
        For those who don't know it's a military coastal town rectally attached to the south of Camp Pendleton.
        >apparently shacks up with some homeless lady
        >apparently a deal goes sideways
        >he dips in the nick of time as PD show up
        >he ducked into an alleyway
        >almost got away when some waitress or whatever that was taking out the trash opens the door
        >she screamed because he startled her by accident
        >PD comes down to see commotion
        >pads him down
        >finds stuff
        >Apparently cop was also Marine
        >"Look kid. I'ma take you back on base because rn you'd go to prison for a long time. I'll let ur unit sort it out."
        >Takes him on base
        Oh wait it gets better

        https://i.imgur.com/xi68cvr.gif

        [...]
        [...]
        [...]
        >Tells gate guards he just found him passed out drunk
        >just gonna drop him off in front of the duty hut
        >Mind you he is AWOL status and was declared possibly armed and dangerous
        >MP were to hold him at gunpoint if found
        >Daxter has his shirt over his head
        >MP's allow the cop through because he had his Vet card or some shit
        >didn't bother to really get a good look at him
        >officer pulls right up to Barracks
        >tells him "all I want to see is you walk into the duty hut. Ima drive off after that, and what happens next idc."
        >gets out
        >walks into duty hut
        Mind you this was anewly built barracks with a separate duty hut that was like a small conference building. It had a main lobby that led to a back meeting room on the side. Walking straight you would enter the attached laundry room and from the laundry room was another door that led outside
        >he walks across the lobby
        >he hears the cop car pull off
        >literally was about to turn the knob to the laundry
        >"H-Hey Cpl I think that's the guy!!"
        >"Huh? Whatever, hey fricker get over he- HOLY SHIT GET THE FRICK ON THE GROUND b***h
        >iguessmysummervacationis...over.mp3

        The fricked up part was BN Commander was just gonna give him a BN-level NJP for the possession of shit. This escalated it to full dishonorable discharge.

        Moral of the story: Padlock your shit, HIDE the good shit, and beat the frick out of your rat roommate

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Padlock your shit
          it was pad locked, rat just bolt cut it off
          >HIDE the good shit
          correct
          >beat the frick out of your rat roommate
          he couldn't because he was in a different base at the time of perpetratio.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            If he was willing to cut fricking locks to steal, clearly wasnt beaten up enough before the bad shit

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      YUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>that guy that hid an underage girl in his wall locker

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >The moronic supply CPL that ordered tracers for the range
    >The moronic NCOIC(1SG, frickin lmao) that said "frickit why not" on a dry ass summer day in Texas
    >The look of "I honestly cant believe a 1SG is this moronic' from the fire chief after a massive brush fire got started
    >unit getting kicked off that bases range permanently

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Our flight got quite competitive with our brother flight. Our best bedmakers lost a bedmaking competition to brother flight's. Consequence: essentially OP's pic.
    All-in-all, the mess wasn't that bad. Brother flight's MTIs realized that brother flight got too smug, so they let us trash brother flight's dorms. We did it worse to them. Mattresses were on top of wall lockers. Some trainee's boot was placed in an unused wall locker and wasn't found for 2 hours.
    MTIs admitted they regretted the situation

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The one I remember worst from red phase was having to low crawl the tire pit because someone had thrown out half eaten caramel protein bars and nobody fessing up to it, but then again they could’ve set us up.The tires in said pit had been frosted over so shit was like crawling through shards of glass in 30° weather in summer PTs I even remember getting cuts on my arms and legs until another DS intervened and had us finish in long sleeves and pants. We also had eight man fire guard shifts in full kit for a few weeks

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I was stationed with this frick for a while. He's got a heavy lisp, and is certifiably moronic. Was grooming a 16 year old via text, and when they tore his apartment apart he had an extreme amount of BDSM equipment.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Aren't half the kids on base getting groomed?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        yeah, p much.
        t. army brat

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >commie who's buttbuddy got blasted
      You're next homosexual.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >army e-5
      >certifiably moronic
      You don't need to repeat yourself so much, but you should post a picture of the moron that got himself killed

  16. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    shut the frick up schizo, go and serve and come back to post

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm 35 and have a fractured spine, pull that IM A MUHREEN RESPECT ME shit on me in public and you're getting shot

      basically shut the frick up

  17. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    https://ottawacitizen.com/news/national/defence-watch/one-dead-four-seriously-injured-in-petawawa-training-accident

  18. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >pregnant woman gets hit by Amtrak train
    >had to stand guard while they cleaned up the mess, including the fetus that was literally torn in half
    >blood smeared all over the front of the locomotive

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Not army, but i was driving westbound pn hwy11 into warroad Minnesota about two years ago exactly and witnessed some dumb c**t stall her truck on the parallel tracks and get fricking annihilated by a full cn lead car. Whipped around and drove about a quarter mile until the train stopped, and she was painted against the windshield

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      call that a gender reveal

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      pajeeta?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      so was it a boy or a girl?

  19. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Craziest thing I saw in the Army was while on an AFB.
    Some USAF platoon, or whatever tf they call em, was literally playing duckduckgoose for PT.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That's my air force. Unironically really good interval training, though.
      Especially if you add alcohol to it

  20. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    just a few that I've personally encountered

    >first roommate was a Vietnamese white supremacist who posted on stormfront, he sat me down one night and asked if I would consider him an honorary aryan and spare his life when the race war happens
    >wing commander was a furry who drew his fursona and jets and was apparently very well regarded in the community
    >female troop gets her security clearance revoked for trying to fly out to the UAE to be some sheikh's toilet for the week
    >some moron sets the outriggers on a wrecker wrong, causing the truck to fall on a SSgt working under it and breaking his spine. Dude somehow makes a full recovery but the morons in medical get him hooked on opiates in the process
    >used to do lines of percs with him on our NCOICs desk in the mornings back when I was a shitbag
    >flight chief would give me passes and let me frick off for the day if I did his english homework for him
    >moronic secfo officer drives a humvee down a too narrow road off base coming home from a veterans day parade and takes the side mirrors off of like 20 cars that were parked on the street
    >me, SSgt Cripple, and like 5 other dudes juked out secfo and outran them when they tried to bust us for partying on base during the covid lockdowns

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >the morons in medical get him hooked on opiates in the process
      bruh his spine was rekt

      you get opiates for that

      the rest is on him

      .t had some daliances

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >female troop gets her security clearance revoked for trying to fly out to the UAE to be some sheikh's toilet for the week
      Wut?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        They pay good money to do degrading sex shit with white women. Joke's on them though, the white women are already degraded before that.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I know, but it’s usually whorish instagram thots with fake breasts. How did they have an interest in some homely military bawd and how was she found out so that she lost her clearance?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Special Investigations does their job, believe it or not

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Special Investigations does their job, believe it or not

            iirc she went to a party and started blabbing about how she had a plan to make a shitload of cash real quick. Someone got suspicious and told her supervisor, who was worried she was gonna rob a bank or something and called OSI when he realized she had put in for leave outside the country.
            She was a hot mess. Came to our unit gay married to another woman, divorced her ass soon after, got pregnant by a maintainer, accused him of rape and got him kicked out, kept the baby and last I saw of them they were living together off base and he worked as a bouncer at the local strip club.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >knocked up by a maintainer
              Classic. Women can't resist the BBCC

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          It really depends on their tech school. The longer it is, the more degenerate and used up they are; Security Forces is legendary for the gross shit they get tp to

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Then why is everyone in the linguist pipeline is a fricking dork?

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Do you expect someone interested in linguistics to not be a dork?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                We had one who had assburgers. He was hilarious. He'd introduce himself by asking if he can say hello and touch your face. I think it was something to do with how he remembered people. He did it to some officer chick who lost her mind. When I first ment him I assumed he was just fricking around as he'd normally not be allowed to join. It was assumed he was someone with alot of polls kid.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The first two killed me

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >some moron sets the outriggers on a wrecker wrong, causing the truck to fall on a SSgt working under it and breaking his spine. Dude somehow makes a full recovery but the morons in medical get him hooked on opiates in the process

      opiod addiction for a broken spine is a good deal

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >opiod addiction for a broken spine is a good deal

        Nope. Opiates aren't fun when you take them for chronic pain. Your life permanently slows to a shitty crawl.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah I can't blame the guy with a broken spine getting hooked on pain pills. My spine is fricked from an autoimmune disease and it's nowhere near as severe as "multiple traumatic fractures" level pain. Fricking spines hurt when they HURT. And very little will touch a severe back injury, just ask my mom and her half fused spine.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >revoked security clearance
      Did she dodge the OSI brief or did she lie to them?

  21. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The before and after of an idiot kneeling on top of a split rim while airing it up at the motorpool
    Worse than the training film that showed the exact why you dun do that situation

  22. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >the time a dude ran up to the CQ desk and slit the NCO's throat and then got the shit beaten out of him
    >the stormgay/wannabe anarchist who went to federal prison for (allegedly) plotting to bomb Fort Riley
    >the barracks building where shit would move around when no one was home and the lights would turn on/off by themselves and dudes would wake up paralyzed in the middle of the night with a little girl staring at them
    >The Grafenwoehr Mass Groping Incident

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Bet that CQ NCOIC have it coming

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Idk what prompted it but the slasher fricked up the cut and the NCO ended up joining the runner in beating the shit out of him.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Damn, crazy shit. I was on CQ one night and me the nco, and other runner ended up jumping some psycho dude who was acting like, well, like a psycho dude at the female barracks. Nothing that crazy tho.
          I was also at WLC for the 2nd hood shooting, shit sucked. Couldnt go smoke for ages.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Where was the ghost incident? I had a friend that caught a picture (that somehow frickin disappeared from my phone) at one of the barracks on fort Sill. It was just a dark abandoned hallway but you can see a clear silhouette about midway down the hall.

      Some spooky shit being on watch at 1:00 mid November there.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        All of these were in 1ID at Riley. The barracks on Custer Hill are fairly new but for some reason my battalion's building had freaky shit happening in it all the time.
        When I was there I used to hear scraping/banging noises from the common area of my room when no one else was around and the lights would randomly turn on and off.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          fricking shit just demolish the building absolutely, salt the ground

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >the stormgay/wannabe anarchist
      >pic related is the dude

      You're a fricking idiot.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Wrong guy, fricktard

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Nope, lying piece of shit! You must be brown and racist LMAO

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >ran up to the CQ desk and slit the NCOs throat
      Understandable.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Wonder how common haunted barracks are, anyway.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Every barracks is haunted. They just are. Might just be hallucinations from the black mold tho...
        turns out "condemned building" doesnt mean much, and theyll just reopen it when they realize they cant be bothered.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      When was the graf groping incident, was it rose or tower barracks?

  23. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I had 3 barracks roommates in a row get kicked out for drugs. I have never done drugs but I got piss tested every week for my last year on active duty

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      lol
      i got threatened with sharp for telling my observer "was fun, SGT, we should do it again sometime"

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Lol. I had a guy from my platoon that was a pecker checker and he was going through all the questions and procedures with me. He asked if I was wearing a fake dick and I instinctively said yes because why not? He sighs and said "you know I have to look now". I laughed.

  24. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    >weapons board
    >"noooo, you can't make a thread about people who actually use weapons!"
    All the bullshit slide threads and this one gets your panties in a twist? On fricking memorial day?

  25. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    genuinely hilarious how butthurt /misc/ tourists get about anyone who has served in the US military talking about it on /K/ for the last two years
    and they always go into the enlistment general and say something like
    >why are Redditors invading K/ lately and forcing this thread we DEMAND you stop making it

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      /k/ has always been racist and /misc/-lite, but always only lite, because joining the military and dying for the israelites has always been trendy here.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        No it hasn't, shut the frick up. That only happened when conservatives got banned on reddit and flocked to PrepHole. Before 2016, /k/ was the gayest board by a mile.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Eh. Probably not as gay as PrepHole

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Remember the board Christmas cards. PrepHole was gayer then /lgbt/

  26. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    a extremely fat frick destroyed his ankle jumping over a 1 foot high obstacle

  27. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Bernd where should we put zis mortar round?
    >idk put it in ze fence by ze bus
    >ja sounds gut

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Hey EOD needs to have fun sometimes. I never see them happier than when they get to deploy C4PO

  28. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >an unusually high amount of people were popping for drugs on piss tests
    >Get pissed test so often at random that I learn how to piss on command
    >dude gets busted for possession with intent to sale.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Semi-related
      >Libo gets taken away due to all the drug pops
      >It's also snowing and people are starting to get cabin fever
      >Field days, inspections, all good stuff to keep you entertained
      >We get a chinese field day. 3-4 floor barrack, have to take everything outside
      >Don't know the exact reason, but some dude got fed up with his bunkie and decided it was a good idea to garrotte him on the stair well
      >Ended up at Leavenworth for who knows how long

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Some LCPL walking mattress in S-1 thought it would be a good idea to sneak into the barracks during all the mass punishment
        >She may have gotten knocked up
        >Turned into a PFC or private, can't remember

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Truly, is there anything hotter than young women making bad decisions?

  29. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Almost died flying on the RJ at least 3 times that I can recall clearly. Thank god I left that afsc

  30. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Not american but anyways.
    >one guy almost burns alive in his ghillie
    >one guy shits his pants and spreads liquid poopoo everywhere in THE BATHROOM

  31. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >the moron who wandered off course during land nav and into the back of a small arms range and took a 5.56 to the dome. (His ACH stopped it, the round was fired from ridiculously far away)
    >The same guy fell off the top of Jacob’s Ladder two weeks later and got medically chartered.
    > The guy who fell in love with a troony in Korea and denied up and down she was when it was obvious.
    >The guy we hid in a snow drift because he was hammered in formation who got frost bite.
    > The super machismo guy in my shop that blew the gay guy in our shop while drunk.
    >Numerous ND
    >The couple that got married in AIT, the chick went to Korea, cried about missing him for a week, then fricked -everybody-.
    >The guy who’s girl sent him a Snapchat of her getting railed by his best friend and he took her back then got the clap from her.
    >The time four or five guys I knew ran a train on the barista from the Starbucks at the PX.
    I could go on.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >The time four or five guys I knew ran a train on the barista from the Starbucks at the PX.
      lmao for me it was one of the chow hall sodexhoes. came back to the bricks on a sunday after a week of emergency leave to find my roommate and like 4 other dudes from the motor pool passing around this rail thin townie who had a lazy eye and track marks all the way up both arms like cheetah spots. They didn't even stop when I walked in, my roommate just handed me a beer and asked if I wanted to tag in. I spent the night in my car.

      unrelated FML because I'm feeling nostalgic

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        what the frick, are marines moronic? That's NOT how you make a sandwich.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>The couple that got married in AIT, the chick went to Korea, cried about missing him for a week, then fricked -everybody-.
      damn too bad she didn't get accidentally shot in the head too

  32. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    https://wildboarblog.wordpress.com/random/213-things-skippy-is-no-longer-allowed-to-do-in-the-u-s-army/

    The classic.

  33. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    stole a loaded round when the battalion returned from .50 MG training for le souvenir
    thought we'll return to the mainland through a military airport and we won't be searched
    last moment i decide to put it back to the ammo dumb "just in case"
    we went back through a civilian airport and we were searched

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      A bunch of Marines from my former unit went to Morocco back in 2015 and saw a bunch of full auto AKs on sale in the bazaar foe like 50 USD each and wanted to bring them back to the US, but figured that they'd never get them through security. when they landed back in CONUS the TSA lady just waived them all through the checkpoint

  34. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Literally nothing but a G3 had an out of battery detonation.
    We were ridiculously focused on safety to the point of absurdity.
    There was this really old instructor and he had a friend (who was also an instructor) take his own life after he witnessed a guy died during an exercise. Wasn't his fault in the slightest, some kind of ammunition defect or something but he blamed himself.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >There was this really old instructor and he had a friend (who was also an instructor) take his own life after he witnessed a guy died during an exercise. Wasn't his fault in the slightest, some kind of ammunition defect or something but he blamed himself.
      what a homosexual

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        We're a peacetime military and still were back then.
        Seeing someone absoutely ripped to pieces by a malfunctioning AT munition in front of you (who you know and are responsible for) would scar most men.
        But I guess you're probably a super ultra badass tough guys who shits on soldiers who were in combat with PTSD despite never serving (you would have signed up if not for *insert reason here*, right?).
        The brain is a complicated thing and thinking that "I could never be affected like that" when talking about extremely traumatic situations is moronic and cringe. The same type of people on here that complain about shot placement during an intense self defense situation.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          yeah the way the human brain deals with violence and trauma is wack. You always hear those classic stories about how some guys who train the hardest and look like the baddest scariest motherfrickers will break down into a crying mess as soon as they get contacted, and meanwhile the unit wimp is cool as a cucumber laying down fire like fricking rambo. And some men will see hundreds die and somehow return to civilised life completely unfased, others will get hit by a car once and live the rest of their life with PTSD. It's totally random.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah it's weird, I have pretty bad PTSD and anxiety from a really shitty childhood (had an undiagnosed learning disability, spent almost my whole time in school being punished, beaten, and screamed at for not doing things I literally couldn't do) and it made me into a general risk-averse chickenshit in normal life situations and somebody who has the occasional humiliating sobbing breakdown over minor triggers like seeing an old-school yellow pencil, but when I got into combat and other high-risk, high-adrenaline situations I discovered that I just get focused on the task at hand and can function better in those conditions than just about any other part of my life, it's not that I'm not freaking out internally but I can push it to the back of my mind and just focus on resolving the situation.

  35. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    "Who wants to test adenovirus vaccine for snacks and phone cards"
    >Only 3 takers
    >3 recruits return with snacks
    "
    "Not enough of you said yes so now all of you are getting it"
    >Everyone gets it.
    >Feels like you're all really gassy for weeks
    >Not just gassy, explosive diarrhea is 30% chance per fart.

    Shoemaker tried to hide his skivvies in a ditty bag, hoping no one would notice the 5 pound dump in the middle of them.
    >Poo sack made Into the laundry with the rest of the whites.

    We all carried a little bit of Shoemaker with us for the rest of boot camp.

    I myself shat my britches because of adenovirus vaccine but I cut my name off my skivvies and threw them away.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Only time i shit myself was during the 2mile run portion of a pt test the night after I had a frickton of BWW(blazin ofc) and beer. My ass straight up dissolved in my spicy diarrhea spandex. Still passed, but my score was like a 72 or some shit, barely passing.

  36. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Corrections officer here. I saw a girl shoot a guy's ear because of an nd during night training

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He's lucky it was just an ear. ~2020 a reservist on a live fire range at 29 Palms did the hot brass down the neck dance and had an ND that severed his best friend's spinal cord, paralyzed him from the neck down for life.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Guess he won't be frantically gesturing in reservist anymore, just beeps and boops.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I remember that. My unit went through ITX the year before and one platoon did a night attack on 410A where they used IR chems for marking lead trace...and targets. Unsurprisingly lead trace got shot and nearly died. Then a mortarman left his hand over the tube after he dropped a round and blew a finger off. Then an 0352 broke a TOW sight and was investigated for destruction of govt property so he killed himself. That was a great ITX.

  37. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Not an accident but my favorite memory of basic was when they were kicking a guy out for being an all around failure they brought him out in front of our morning formation after chow, (200+ guys) and presented him with a framed McDonald's application. He started crying and we all laughed at him. Good times.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >framed McDonald's application
      I'd have paid to witness this, what a clever "going away" gift lmao.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How much of an butthole and a frickup do you have to be to be to get THAT kind of treatment?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He was a fat, lazy shitbag and this was almost 30 years ago. They did not put up with that bullshit, they just smoked you for a few weeks and then gave you the boot. He deserved it though, trust me.

  38. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Cam girl studio in one of the barracks
    >The room next to mine had 2 guys who would loudly frick for literally hours
    >My roommate was busted for selling CP
    >A half assembled SAW was found in a empty room in the barracks during a field day
    >While in Iraq there was a guy who would suck you off for 50 dollars or something of value, the only reason he was founded due to a investigation regarding a increase thefts
    >A guy who would pimp out his wife
    >The guy who set up a restaurant in the barracks
    >The guy who wore a buttplug all the time to “prevent the demons from raping him” he went for a psych evaluation and wasn’t seen again
    >While during a contraband search a box of sex toys was found (Mine)

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >The guy who set up a restaurant in the barracks
      More details please, how creative were his cooking processes?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The guy was a amazing cook he when to cooking school and worked as a chef before joining the army, he was really good at cooking great meals for cheap people would pay he to cook which evolved into him turning his barracks room into a restaurant the prices were high but if you did want whatever the dining facility was making or fast food he was you’re best option. Sadly he was ordered to stop because he wasn’t allowed to have a grill top or frier in the room.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >The guy who wore a buttplug all the time to “prevent the demons from raping him” he went for a psych evaluation and wasn’t seen again
      MEGALUL

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I think thats one of those things where even if the doc sees that you arent crazy, they still write you down as crazy and kindly ask you to outprocess

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >My roommate was busted for selling CP

      Were you the the one who reported him?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Not him worked in IT department for the officer school well on pat. The tech who fixed the school issued laptops said it was a regular occurrence for them to bring them in for repair and he'd find cp on them. He reported it everytime but was ordered to delete it.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Poster here, I wasn’t one the reported him the dumbass was using the barrack WiFi to do business

  39. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Never served, but I do work in a warehouse.
    >stocking shelves
    >have a new hire learning the forklift with two people with him teaching/spotting
    >have new hire attempt to take a pallet from the top shelf
    >one spotter notices something on the shelf, probably a box in the wrong location
    >he was nitpicky like that
    >says "hold up", steps in front of the forks, and goes to fix it
    >new guy hits the gas instead of brake
    >fork punches straight through his lower back and almost out the front
    >doctors say his lower half is perma fricked and just cut him in half with some bags hanging out of the bottom of his abdomen
    >don't know the full story, I just visited him once and got the rest from hearsay

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      forklift klaus is real?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Hemicorperectomy

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        you know, I googled this knowing I full well shouldn't, and found an entire new genre of porn on deviantart. I think I need to take a break from the internet for a while. Goodbye everyone

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous
  40. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous
    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >first world
      >Russ shit

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      so they moved all the litter indoors? Fascinating.

  41. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    We had a Marine check in (infantry battalion) a few days after we left for ITX. He reported to the RBE admin guys, all dark-green Marines (blacks), then got his barracks room key. They told him "come back later to check in with 1stSgt." They never ran his orders, or contacted him at all to finish checking in. We were all at ITX, so frick it, why actually do their jobs? Classic admin move.

    For 2.5 months, he was a paid skater, a ghost. Admin didn't say anything about him, to anyone, even after we got back to Lejeune. Sgt Maj didn't find out this kid existed until his MOS school called about his orders not being endorsed. It had been almost 3 months. He stomped into admin screaming bloody murder, broke their fancy new printer, and completely trashed their workspace. He lambasted each of them personally for being complete frick ups he would never trust to have his back in combat. You couldn't hear a pin drop in the battalion hq otherwise for almost 15 minutes.

    New kid was taken from his barracks room, ordered to check in, and then assigned to the company office as a moron who couldn't be trusted unsupervised. Everyone in admin got negative paperwork.

  42. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    Do you want to be known as grandpa and be bossed around by 23 year olds?

  43. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    Go shit your pants with the rest of the surplus male population then and join up to be a guinea pig in a peacetime military.

  44. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Disclaimer: not from the US

    >couple guys from my company out onna range
    >lt.col from somewhere else rocks up in battle rattle to join the fun
    >our service rifles have a nasty tendency to ND when they're shot to shit
    >lt.col's rifle ND's into his foot the moment he jumps out of his vehicle
    >hit an arterty
    >two guys from company proceed to double TQ the man and do whatever else necessary
    >all in all textbook first aid
    >story hits the media, played off as "unremarkable"
    >what they don't say is that the lt.col was about 30 seconds from dying of blood loss
    >two dudes from my company got Commander's Coin and a cash bonus for what they did

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      kinda reminds me of a moment when I was in AIT
      >Walk into BC office for some shit
      >CSM see me, pfc scruffy, and jumps off the couch
      >"THE BATTALION COMMANDER HAS JUST BEEN SHOT, PRI'A'E, WHAT THE FRICK ARE YOU GONNA DOOOOO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
      >"Call 911, Sergeant Major"
      >BC almost falls out of his chair laughing and CSM tells me to get the frick out while trying not to laugh himself

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Good on those dudes, and good on him for actually recognizing it.

  45. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Since im ineligable for service beause of schitzophrenia im gonna tell you my uncles story from the soviet army

    >be uncle
    >last day at shitty soviet military base only the saint petersburg cement factory from here on
    >its a fricking friday and command has left so your documents cant be processed by anyone "on site"
    >go to squad lead and he tells you its all good and you get to leave
    >Throw a fricking huge party in your barracks with three of your friends who are also leaving and two other guys from the neighboring barrack who are also leaving
    >the barrack next door is also known for being a bunch of stuck up buttholes (petersburg and moscow area politbabies)
    >Spend the entire evening getting wasted,eating shitty half burnt plov made by the only uzbek in the group and smoking enough weed to kill a small to medium family of afghans
    >as the partying dies down its dark outside so decide its the perfect time to leave
    >while leaving walk in groups of 2 to the second barrack so that one of the guys can get his weed stash
    >first group goes into barracks number 2 where theres a single night watchman bored
    >gets spooked
    >first group tells the night watch guy to frick off and goes to pick up the stash
    >night watchman decides to be a hero and goes to stop them
    >as they start to wrestle the second group gets to the barracks see the struggle go in and start beating the shit out of the night watch guy
    >night watch butthole starts yelling hes gonna get everyone arrested for this
    >unlce finally makes it into the barracks and sees four guys beating up the night watchman and decides frick it why not
    >the fricking night watch guy pulls out a fricking pistol and starts screaming that he will shoot
    >one of the guys from the group who was behind the night wash guy hits him over the head with either a chair leg or wooden broom it was too dark to see
    >the night watch guys head breaks he drops the pistol and starts to fricking leg it outside to the officers tent

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >my uncle decides "Hey lets just grab our stuff and leave" except everyone is so fricking drunk that they just get turned around for a solid 5 minutes looking for the exit from the base
      >Some rando screams "Hey the fricking churkas are over here"
      >suddenly from behind every single corner a bunch of very angry buttholes with battons just spawn in
      >the entire group decides to fricking leg it one of the guys still holding onto the pistol while everyone has left even their uniforms behind and are just running
      >somehow evade the moskal brigade and manage to get out onto the highway or at least road that goes infront of the base
      >everyone just legs it in different dirrections
      >uncle known for being very smart decides to run along the fricking highway
      >still getting chased by at least 30 gopniks at this point
      >Decides to jump off the fricking road into a bunch of bushes nearby
      >gets tangled between bushes and finds a spot where the horde of angry gopoids cant find him
      >for about 20 minutes he stays quiet while the patrols go around him being unable to find him
      >eventually comes a sergant with a flashlight
      >shines it right into my uncles fricking face
      >"found the last xach"
      >they start sticking all kinds of things into the bushes brooms,mops,battons one guy even pushes a bayonet in
      >uncle says "ill come out if you promise not to hurt me"
      >sergant agrees
      >uncle goes outside
      >instantly gets swarmed and starts getting beat with everything under the sun including boots
      >passes out
      >wakes up naked except his underwear
      >cant see out of his left eye
      >sees the rest of his friends are also next to him and infront of him is a pool(its the middle of winter so its pretty cold)
      >several commanders and ncos are standing at the edge of the pool and then theres just an endless horde of soviet soldiers
      >the commander gives the order to "dunk em"
      >they get pushed into the water
      >cue half an hour of them trying to climb out only to get kicked in the faces or hit with brooms

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >my uncle decides "Hey lets just grab our stuff and leave" except everyone is so fricking drunk that they just get turned around for a solid 5 minutes looking for the exit from the base
      >Some rando screams "Hey the fricking churkas are over here"
      >suddenly from behind every single corner a bunch of very angry buttholes with battons just spawn in
      >the entire group decides to fricking leg it one of the guys still holding onto the pistol while everyone has left even their uniforms behind and are just running
      >somehow evade the moskal brigade and manage to get out onto the highway or at least road that goes infront of the base
      >everyone just legs it in different dirrections
      >uncle known for being very smart decides to run along the fricking highway
      >still getting chased by at least 30 gopniks at this point
      >Decides to jump off the fricking road into a bunch of bushes nearby
      >gets tangled between bushes and finds a spot where the horde of angry gopoids cant find him
      >for about 20 minutes he stays quiet while the patrols go around him being unable to find him
      >eventually comes a sergant with a flashlight
      >shines it right into my uncles fricking face
      >"found the last xach"
      >they start sticking all kinds of things into the bushes brooms,mops,battons one guy even pushes a bayonet in
      >uncle says "ill come out if you promise not to hurt me"
      >sergant agrees
      >uncle goes outside
      >instantly gets swarmed and starts getting beat with everything under the sun including boots
      >passes out
      >wakes up naked except his underwear
      >cant see out of his left eye
      >sees the rest of his friends are also next to him and infront of him is a pool(its the middle of winter so its pretty cold)
      >several commanders and ncos are standing at the edge of the pool and then theres just an endless horde of soviet soldiers
      >the commander gives the order to "dunk em"
      >they get pushed into the water
      >cue half an hour of them trying to climb out only to get kicked in the faces or hit with brooms

      >eventually dragged out of the pool
      >get sent to the soviet military prison
      >5 by 3 foot room with a hole to shit in and thats it
      >spend 3 days there till command staff shows back up and asks what the frick four discharged soldiers are doing in military prison
      >command staff gets pissed and sends them to sochi to get processed in court
      >in sochi finally let family know that you are alive
      >spend another week getting fricked around by cops and petty beurocrats because "your papers werent signed"
      >finally get released
      >in fricking vladikavkaz with no money,no phone,no way to contact family and nobody going anywhere towards home
      >spend 3 days trying to exchange whatever is left of the weed that wasnt ruined by the water for a ride to tbilisi
      >finally get home
      >Georgia leaves the soviet union a few months later

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Damn, man. Does your Uncle laugh about it these days?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Does your Uncle laugh about it these days
          yeah to be fair i lost my shit laughing the first time he told it
          he deserved it anyway lmao
          he got out of prison last year after spending 5 years for not paying back his loans lmao

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >my uncle decides "Hey lets just grab our stuff and leave" except everyone is so fricking drunk that they just get turned around for a solid 5 minutes looking for the exit from the base
      >Some rando screams "Hey the fricking churkas are over here"
      >suddenly from behind every single corner a bunch of very angry buttholes with battons just spawn in
      >the entire group decides to fricking leg it one of the guys still holding onto the pistol while everyone has left even their uniforms behind and are just running
      >somehow evade the moskal brigade and manage to get out onto the highway or at least road that goes infront of the base
      >everyone just legs it in different dirrections
      >uncle known for being very smart decides to run along the fricking highway
      >still getting chased by at least 30 gopniks at this point
      >Decides to jump off the fricking road into a bunch of bushes nearby
      >gets tangled between bushes and finds a spot where the horde of angry gopoids cant find him
      >for about 20 minutes he stays quiet while the patrols go around him being unable to find him
      >eventually comes a sergant with a flashlight
      >shines it right into my uncles fricking face
      >"found the last xach"
      >they start sticking all kinds of things into the bushes brooms,mops,battons one guy even pushes a bayonet in
      >uncle says "ill come out if you promise not to hurt me"
      >sergant agrees
      >uncle goes outside
      >instantly gets swarmed and starts getting beat with everything under the sun including boots
      >passes out
      >wakes up naked except his underwear
      >cant see out of his left eye
      >sees the rest of his friends are also next to him and infront of him is a pool(its the middle of winter so its pretty cold)
      >several commanders and ncos are standing at the edge of the pool and then theres just an endless horde of soviet soldiers
      >the commander gives the order to "dunk em"
      >they get pushed into the water
      >cue half an hour of them trying to climb out only to get kicked in the faces or hit with brooms

      [...]
      >eventually dragged out of the pool
      >get sent to the soviet military prison
      >5 by 3 foot room with a hole to shit in and thats it
      >spend 3 days there till command staff shows back up and asks what the frick four discharged soldiers are doing in military prison
      >command staff gets pissed and sends them to sochi to get processed in court
      >in sochi finally let family know that you are alive
      >spend another week getting fricked around by cops and petty beurocrats because "your papers werent signed"
      >finally get released
      >in fricking vladikavkaz with no money,no phone,no way to contact family and nobody going anywhere towards home
      >spend 3 days trying to exchange whatever is left of the weed that wasnt ruined by the water for a ride to tbilisi
      >finally get home
      >Georgia leaves the soviet union a few months later

      >through all of the beatings, torture, trial and imprisonment, they're still able to hold onto some last few bits of weed
      kek

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        you can hold onto quite a bit if you dont take your boots off for 3 weeks straight as it turns out

  46. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous
  47. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Its a new Army

  48. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sometimes I wish I had enlisted just so I could have half of the stories you guys do. These threads always make me howl

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The stories are the one highlight of 4 years of stupid bs, and really weren't fun or funny in the moment

  49. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    We were doing workups out of Pearl, underway for like 3 weeks. Were bringing a 60 back onboard in rolling deck conditions with the RAST, got the bird down but before the pilots locked the rotors (there is this light facing the ground crew that turns green when the rotors are locked into a horizontal plane) this senior chief with the squadron ran into the rotor arc and his head just exploded. Not like decapitated, just gone. I was ship's company and on the aviation firefighting squad and it sprayed this line of blood and tissue over my FFE and I was standing like 30' away.

    Another time we had this PAO det aboard with some photographers and the Navy band and all this other random shit, they put the enlisted guys on the watchbill as lookouts and apparently this one dude was going through some stuff and so just jumped overboard. I was coming off watch and he was aft lookout, so I walked past him to go talk to a guy back in the hanger, walked back past his post like 15 minutes later and his binoculars and float coat and headset were stacked up on the deck and he was gone. Got the man overboard alarm sounded but we never found him.

    Not my ship but we were in port in Pearl and one of the CGs, maybe Lake Erie (I think it was a CG, might have been a DDG) was doing CIWS maintenance and didn't tag out the gun correctly, someone in engineering did something and sent transient voltage through the gun and it ended up putting out like a 200 round burst into a playground in a pearl city elementary school. Fortunately it was a saturday so nobody was there.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >rotor incident
      I believe it. I've seen a webm on /gif/ where a guy tries to walk under the tail section. He ducks down to clear the structure but he doesn't see the tail rotor since it's spinning so fast. His head just disintegrates. I cannot imagine a quicker death. Pink mist localized to the braincase.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      (Cont)
      We were cruising around French Polynesia and for a week or so this albatross kept landing on the bullnose and staying there for hours, it looked like he was trying to dry his feathers or something. But it would spray rivers of liquid bird shit all over the focsle like unbelievable quantities of it. I was getting off OOD watch and was tired of this fricking bird so tried to get rid of it, I took off my blouse and was trying to use it like a matador cape to keep the beak away from me if he flew at my face. Got closer, realized, frick, this is a big fricking bird, it turned, charged, grabbed my blouse in it's beak, snatched it out of my hands and flung it overboard then chased me all the way back to the weather breaks. All in front of my division who were laughing hysterically. Only had one blouse after that for the rest of the cruise.

      Captain wanted to test out a forward vertrep for some reason (vert rep on the focsle instead of the flight deck) so we tried it. Was going OK until the last drop, the helo lowered this mailbag thing with a weight in it, a BM put the mail in the bag but took the weight out and didn't replace it. The rotor wash started blowing the bag up into the rotor arc and the aircrewman was winching it up as fast as possible but it kept swinging in arcs closer and closer to the rotors. Swung down and the guy that took the weight out (idiot) jumped and grabbed it and got the shit shocked out of him but held on and BMC put the weight back in. Looked for a minute like the 60 was going to go out-of-control about 70' in front of the bridge. The BM was fine, got chewed out but no official punishment since he also kind of saved the day. Same guy later got drunk and drove his shitbox through like 3 fences on ford island at 3 am and onto the active runway while they were doing F-22 ops. Amazingly didn't get ventilated by the security forces or go to jail. Nice guy but literally one of the dumbest mother frickers alive.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Bad luck to attack a seabird.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          It was for sure. Aside from losing 1/2 of my uniform for the next 6 months, a couple things happened right after that.

          We brought this 4-star aboard for some political thing in Tahiti, and a day or so after the bird battle I was on midwatch out on the bridge wing, bored out of my mind, whistling to pass the time. I hear this voice behind me "Belay that whistling boy" and I say "What?" and turn around. It's this ancient 4 star and he says "You'll whistle up a storm". About two hours later we had Papette in sight and 5-6 waterspouts touched down all around us even though the sky was pretty clear.

          A week or so later we were moving him to USS BLUE RIDGE and I was the boat officer, so we get loaded up and put the RHIB in the water and the idiot BM from the vert rep incident slipped the painter before we had undone the stern line. Ship was moving ahead at 10 knots so we get spun around, transom-first, it digs in, and the RHIB starts capsizing immediately. We got spun right in front of the screws and the suction was rocking the boat 30 degrees each way every couple seconds. The coxswain and the lineman went to bail out and the Admiral grabbed one and I grabbed the other and pulled them back in. Boat engineer managed to cut the stern line with his knife before we got sucked under. Those dudes would have been shredded if they got in the water. Admiral was not amused.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            How seriously do you Navy guys take old sailing superstitions any more, anyway? Good job on you and that Admiral saving those two dudes.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              I was in 3 at-sea commands during my time in. Average sailor, not at all. The BMC and 1st LT are the tradition/superstition guys and disseminate that through the crew almost like a collateral duty. Some of the other chiefs, sometimes the Captain, but mostly it's the deck leadership. Mostly because it's an important part of that division's culture, and BM is a shit job so they kind of cling to that. That was the case in 2007-2012 anyway.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >attacks birb
            >You'll whistle up a storm
            Did you think this shit was a joke you idiot!???
            They would've chucked your black luck deviltry ass overboard in the olden says and rightly so

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Speaking of birds, there was a marine who threw stones at the desert ravens while out at the 29 palms ranges, so the birds followed him back to camp Wilson, waited until night, snuck into his hut, and threw his nvgs into the dumpster

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Imagine explaining that to the CO

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I almost believe this, I've seen how clever and malicious corvids are if you're rude to them.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Got closer, realized, frick, this is a big fricking bird
        The Albatross is a deceptive bird, from a distance you’d think it’s the size of a Pelican and you think
        >that doesn’t seem too bad
        Then you get closer and it turns out you’re dealing with a fricking Pterosaur from the Cretaceous period. And unlike a Goose or a Swann where you can just karate chop its neck and KO it the Albatross is a solid block of meat and feathers wielding a beak bigger than most knives.
        That and its bad luck to kill one.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >and it ended up putting out like a 200 round burst into a playground in a pearl city elementary school. Fortunately it was a saturday so nobody was there.
      Can you fricking imagine the news story if it was full of kids

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >NIPS KILL SCHOOLCHILDREN IN SNEAK ATTACK - WAR DECLARED
        pretty easy to imagine yeah

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Damn I thought you were making up the CWIS story kek
      https://www.nrc.gov/docs/ML0311/ML031120295.pdf

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        That report says it was only two rounds

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >putting out like a 200 round burst into a playground in a pearl city elementary school

      Jesus

  50. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >all this gayshit..

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      deal with it

  51. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >that guy who got caught with an MLP blanket in basic
    >that guy who kept going back to the same stripper thinking she would eventually frick him
    >that guy who waterproofed everything then tried burning his threads off his uniform
    >that guy who got his weapon issued then almost immediately deepthroated the BCG
    >that guy who ND'd, tried to do the clearing drill from scratch then immediately ND'd again
    >that guy who got drunk and mistook the weapon racks for urinals
    >that guy who got caught making meth in his room
    >that guy who took a shit in the hallway

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Oh yeah I forgot
      >those infantry guys who ADREP'd an entire LAV, actually got it, then were tasked with sentrying it and washing all the dirt/blood/cum out of every corner of it daily for the rest of their training

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >that guy who got drunk and mistook the weapon racks for urinals
      weapons included?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Of course

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >>that guy who waterproofed everything then tried burning his threads off his uniform
      I don't get it

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm assuming that waterproofing is often flammable

  52. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I’m in aircraft maintenance so lots of surprisingly dangerous stuff but nothing combat related.

    Saw a dude get tossed about 10 feet from jet blast because the pilot turned the wrong way. No one really hurt though.

    The scary one was a dude got his face blown open by a 20 pound chunk of metal. We connect an electric generator to the jet and also to another piece of equipment for cooling air. The air goes through a hose that has a heavy metal collar that doesn’t always lock on properly. Dude was still messing with the collar when the other airman turned the airflow on. 40 psi through a 4” hose is a lot of pressure. It hit him right in the face. Ended up losing an eye and most of his teeth.
    Planes is hard job

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >The air goes through a hose that has a heavy metal collar that doesn’t always lock on properly
      And nobody ever brought that up beforehand? Did it at least get investigated and fixed?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I mean it’s really on you to check the lock is engaged but if it’s corroded or rusty it can take a lot of force and you might not notice…

  53. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Five or six weeks into BMT. My flight wasn't full of tards, so our MTIs didn't come in on Sunday, allowing us to fend for ourselves, get our meals on time, etc.
    One trainee had severe alopecia.
    >has a waiver to shave his own head and eyebrows by himself severe
    >alopecia trainee walks into restroom
    >walks out a few minutes later
    >he had drawn eyebrows and a Hitler stache on his face
    >everyone had to stifle laughter so CQ didn't hear us over the intercom and send someone to check on us

  54. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Lifetime civilian here.

    I always wondered, how sexual drive works in the military. You guys fap under the quilt while 6 other grunts sleep in the same room?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      All 6 are jerkin it, you just dont look

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You do it in the shower

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You're reminding me of a time I got caught at 3AM in a communal shower.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      here

      https://i.imgur.com/VRfqZdo.png

      deal with it

      you pretend it's corporal punishment

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      nah urmum comes and services us

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Toilet.

  55. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I never served, this was a coworker's experience
    >be him, officer in a SLCR company/battalion whatever that never deployed
    >giving his troops their weekend safety briefing
    >this week's topic was domestic violence
    >strongly emphasizes that the best way to avoid beating the shit out of your girlfriend is to remove yourself from the situation by any means necessary
    >be Pvt. Frickup, riding around in the back of your friends car with your GF
    >start getting into a heated argument with her
    >fortunately, he paid attention to the safety briefing earlier
    >all three of his brain cells rub together and be decides "i gotta remove myself from this situation"
    >Pvt. Frickup jumps out of the car that's driving 60mph down the highway
    >somehow he's completely fine
    >next week's safety briefing is about jumping out of moving vehicles

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      But he dodged that DV charge, right? Good on him.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      That is hilarious

  56. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Haha, that one time we were heading back to base and i was in the back seat and rolled down my window to show my id and puked all over the SF's guy's boots and pants.
    hahah, frick them, lol. frickin airforce, haha

    i was also the reason we got kicked out of the bar thay night but dont remeber why. I probably have a lot less stories than they guys that knew me.

  57. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    americans are gay

  58. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    droparm broke and fell on a dude, broke his back

    during a training mission in 2006 a dude didn't clear the 50, was loading it on a 5 ton and it fired, going through his chest and killing him and taking off another soldiers leg before being embedded in a humvee

  59. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >guy in barracks gets caught with a whole bunch of weed
    >awwfrickhereitcomes.webm
    >next morning woken up at 0345 for a "health and wellness" inspection
    >PSG and 1SG not having it either
    >sit in my room with the door propped waiting for CSM
    >CSM late as frick, 1SG goes looking for him
    >they found more weed
    Turns out, the guy who caught was hiding his dealer amount of weed in a drop ceiling tile in front of his barracks room. When CSM was walking through, he asked how the guy hid it and the weed-tards 1SG showed him the tile. While they did that, another bag of weed fell down. Apparently, the guy who got busted decided to re-up and then used the exact same hiding place, because who would think to check there.

    There was also the moron from the motor pool who tried to run from the MPs on base. His shit ass 250cc gixxer couldn't actually outrun them. They locked down the base gates for three hours as this dipshit tried to drop the MPs on his putput bike.

  60. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >captain is a dick
    >basically scams a bunch of enlisted guys into investing into his buddy's retirement scam thing
    >goes all "not my problem" when everyone is rightfully pissed
    >guys who were scammed went and talked to some other officer about it
    >weeks later there's a big battalion exercise with big wigs watching
    >some guys spike his canteen with acid
    >he freaks the frick out during it and gets relieved, this combined with people knowing his scam ruins his career
    >guys who got scammed ended up getting taken care of money wise though

  61. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >be me
    >spanish sailor
    >graduation day, friday night
    >we al come back to the base drunk and some latina sgt is talking shit because some moron showed up in jeans
    >she make us stand in formation for an hour instead of letting us sleep
    >the drunkest one falls down and almost split his head on the concrete
    >they let us go to sleep now
    >everyone is pissed and they can't stop talking about doing something to the c**t
    >decide to do something because I want to sleep, everyone in my dorm had my ass covered
    >scream "anal sex" as loud as I can, the echo reverberated within all the base
    >5 minutes later they make the fire alarm and everyone comes out of bed asap
    >some dude was wearing a towel, most of them in pajamas or underwear
    >spend 3 hours standing while the sgt punished the ones laughing
    >someone asks the sgt about what was screamed
    >everyones starts laughing, including the sgt
    >we start running in the middle of winter in pajamas and underwear, some dude was barefoot
    >finally she let us sleep
    >told everyone it was me when I left the school
    >became a legend

  62. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just alot of guys offing themselves. I found a guy who hung himself, watched a guy jump off the roof of the shacks, and 2 just shoot themselves on a range. Last one was a pistol ranger he was standing right next to me I was in the splatter zone. I got sent to talk to padre after that.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      What were their assorted reasons?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        All divorces and cheating women.

        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it
        >couldnt hack it

        Also this.

  63. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    trying to think of a couple more funny ones
    >two buddies of mine on a night recce (by themselves somehow, don't ask)
    >start exploring the training area
    >come across an unattended harbour area of a different unit we didn't like
    >start generally fricking with it
    >the crazier of the two starts taking off his trousers, other asks why?
    >he says with a crazy grin "WE'RE GONNA SHIT IN THEIR BERGENS DUDE"
    >other thankfully stopped him and they headed back
    Also
    >chilling at barracks
    >pissed off officers start walking around, asking everyone "who did it, was it you?"
    >one of them comes up to me and my buddies and says someone shat in the urinals after a party last night and the colour sgt is fricking furious
    >they leave to go interrogate another room
    >colour sgt comes into the room right after them, goes dead silent, you can hear a pin drop (he was a beast of a man)
    >fricker closes the door, smiles and whispers "nobody tell the lts that I just completely made that shit up"
    luv me colour

  64. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I miss it so much somedays but holy frick did it get gay and moronic near the end of my career.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >gay and moronic near the end of my career.
      Don't leave us hangin dude. What happened

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I was in the Canadian Forces. The last few years they start really going hard on the woke shit. Prioritizing things like troony talks and blm lectures of real training. Then lockdowns and fighing with my coc over the unlawful order to take experimental drugs. I was gonna get charged for it but padre told them to frick off and it was chalked up to stress from being left alone to manage everything after senior leadership fled and muh ptds. I put in my release papers and left now I'm in a massive class action for the treatment during lockdown I guess the caf wants to settle out of court and pay us out but some homosexuals want medals they would have earned hard their careers and deployments not been cut short. Frick medals I wanted to destroy all my shit but my dad talked me out of it ended up giving it all to him.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Sucks to be you I guess, I got in not too long ago and the vax requirement is long gone

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            End of the day I'm probably getting a payout and they dropped the mandates. I did kinda win in the end.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Have fun being ordered to arrest protesters in the next manufactured economic lockdown.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Caf doesn't have the man power and the majority of new recruits are pajeets. Decent chance if he's a new hire he's a pajeet. Also they still jab you on basic training they just don't tell you what it is.

  65. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Butter bar loses an m4 at 29 Palms
    >Some bros tag team a girl and they are forever referred to as the BangBros.
    >Some lame is scared to deploy so he runs into a pole and fricks up his knee.

  66. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Saw a dude get brained by a GP Tent's central Pole during our month-long AT to NTC, and had to be care flighted out due to massive internal hemorrhaging

    Poor fellow. He didn't even get full disability. Luckily, hewore a helmet andl couldn't even speak straight.

    Being national guard I'm just happy to chill, work, go to school and work out on my own terms while pursuing the military. Active Duty sounds like a complete and utter shit show, particularly combat arms. Love all you guys though.

  67. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >some nerd pissed his bed every night in boot camp.
    >drill instructors were aware and would have him wash his sheets every night
    >no idea why he didn't get separated

    >some other dude in boot camp regretted his life choices and tried to an hero in the head with his boot laces.
    >Got put on shadow watch with his bed in the center of the bay
    >got separated

    >some other dude tried to kill himself, but guess they felt sorry for him and kept him around
    >couldn't rifle qual because suicide risk

  68. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I saw Radioactive Asbestos in the Navy once

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >radioactive asbestos

  69. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >service
    Kek, is that what zogdogs really call it? More like in service to israelites.

  70. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >voluntary conscription
    >around 40 women, mostly single moms and lost existences
    >10 of them left because of pregnancy by 6th month
    Drill Sergeant told us that that is basically the same every year

    Except that nothing ever happens in this shitty eu army

    And one guy apparently wanted to hero himself on shooting range but got dragged by MP from the barracks

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >voluntary conscription
      This term is intentionally a joke, right?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Dunno about that anon, but in my neck of the EU woods you have to go to conscription to get deemed fit for service or not, and then there's a number lottery for whether you have to go to basic and where - except literally no one draws a number where you're forced to go, so you HAVE to volunteer.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        In many EU countries with conscription it's "voluntary" by virtue of being able to do Civil Service (like caretaking of the elderly or collecting trash) instead

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I'd call it "avoidable conscription"

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Nah here in Finland conscription is voluntary for women

  71. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >USMC reserve batt goes to MI for AT
    >NATO partner nations there for exercise too
    >all the foreign cata are allowed to go drinking at the E club
    >0311s doing on-off drills one night using the parade groud as makeshift LZ
    >0331s posted on guard to redirect drunk foreign soldiers around so they don't get smashed by a Blackhawk or huey or news channel 4 helo or whatever random RW got shit over to us
    >mortars, assault, and rest of goons are back in the barracks
    >a dozen hammered polacks come rolling up from the E club
    >one of the marines on guard duty, LCpl Pibb, is of African extraction, very polite, always get high marks for conduct (proficiency not so much though)
    >he walks up to the poles and asks them to not walk across the LZ as there's helos flying in and out
    >one of the poles sees Pibb and shouts "HOLY SHIT A REAL Black person!"
    >swings a wild haymaker at Pibb, who dodges and raises his rifle (condition 4)
    >the poles start to square up
    >one of the other machine gunners sprints up to the barracks where the rest of weapons platoon is at and yells "A DRUNK POLE JUST CALLED PIBB A Black person, EMPTY THE BARRACKS"
    >a collection of 40 gunners mortarmen and assault men come flying out in skivvies flak and Kevlar brandishing e tools and surround the poles
    >pole SNCOs and our 1stSgt and Ops Gunny arrive in the nick of time to prevent a mass casualty event
    >write Pibb up for showing admirable conduct throughout
    tl;dr NATO nearly article 5'd itself because a drunk pole called someone a Black person

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >"HOLY SHIT A REAL Black person!"

      ?t=38

  72. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Once I was at a small outpost in Afghanistan. A Blackhawk landed and had a few hours of downtime so the crew took a meal and stuff. One of them unhooked the machinegun from the pintos on the side to clean it. When the helicopter left it got into the air and then I saw a machinegun just fall out and land somewhere in the mountains. The gun who put the machinegun on apparently hadn't replaced the pin on the mount for the gun.
    The infantry unit on the outpost had to go retrieve the fricked up gun and it was sent back to the helicopter unit eventually.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      One time I was at an M203 range where another unit asked to share the range with us so our unit made the arrangement. Everyone was firing chalk rounds. The other unit had M16A2s still instead of M4s, which means the rifle barrel stuck out much further than the grenade launcher. Many times we'd see their guys resting rifle barrels on the sandbags and only at the last minute realizing they needed to raise them up and put the grenade launcher on the sandbag. Finally, the inevitable happened as a sandbag pit exploded in a cloud of bright colored powder. The soldier there had rested his rifle barrel on the sandbag, thus pointing the grenade launcher at his own cover and pulled the trigger. This was in the UCP days so his bright colored uniform just soaked up the chalk round powder color. Dude was forever nicknamed "powder"

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Seems like this was the intent behind getting them to use M16A2s.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Kek sometime those chalk rounds don't break open wed usually end up throwing them at each other. Well doing clean up after one of the guys smashed another in the head with one.

  73. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    We had this morbidly obese chick she was useless to the point they didn't let her resign when her first 4 years ran up. She'd been living in barracks so nowhere to go. She ended up going to the men's barracks and dating one of the guys to stay with him. These are 4 man rooms but alot of them only had 1 in them. She'd steal his meal card to go eat. Eventually he got tired of her and kicked her out She'd move right on to another guy. Idk how many times she did this before the mps caught wind of it. When they came to kick her out she tried to run. She was running the hardest she ever had in her life with the mps following behind her at a slightly brisk walk. She ended up tripping and eating shit in a ditch. She couldn't get back up so the mps dragged her out and escorted her off base.
    >watched the whole thing from the smoke pit wish I had a smart phone at the time

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >watched the whole thing from the smoke pit
      Good times... I fricking miss the smoke pit

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        All the best people are in the smoke pit.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          u frickin know it

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >they didn't let her resign when her first 4 years ran up
      Whut?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Caf your first contract is 4 years depending on trade. Once her contract came up they didn't wanna keep her so they didn't offer her a new contract.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        think he meant re-sign (as in re-up) not resign

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Thank you, that makes more sense.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Sorry I was infantry and later boatswain I'm double illiterate.

  74. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Ordie stole 2 20mm saphei and tried to fly back home with them in checked luggage....
    I was ready to launch an aircraft with the CO as the pilot then I see the SgtMaj full on running to the end of the lightline to tell the CO that SNM is arrested at the airport.

  75. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >be brother
    >kapooka
    >on night sentry position in patrol harbor
    >hear rustling
    >noise getting closer
    >shoot towards sound with live round
    >everyone wakes up
    >wtf discharge live round is instant removal basically, career over
    >he shot a wild pig
    >was told to be gored to death than ever shoot live round again
    >still serving 11 years later

  76. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >amphib course in darwin harbor
    >swimming 3km in plate carrier with boots and plastic training rifle
    >croc infested waters
    >yeah nah shellk be alright m8, nat parks trap and remove the big ones, theres just a few small ones
    >dude is still on croc watch in safety boat
    >he ended up shooting a massive fricking croc that was trailing the safety boat

  77. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >5rar
    >there masscot is a tiger which got demoted for pissing on parade ground
    >tiger is kept at local zoo called crocodylus park
    >every year crocs must be moved and their pools cleaned
    >so every year 20+ diggers are seen moving 3-5 metre long crocs with jaws tied shut'
    >had an accident one year
    >now crocs are sedated

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >so every year 20+ diggers are seen moving 3-5 metre long crocs with jaws tied shut'
      >had an accident one year
      Non-service related disability.

  78. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Doing a certification for being able to run a minor chemical weapon incident. Wearing JSLIST all day, no cheating, treated like it's real in terms of when I can take it off or break mask seal (which means I can't). Finally finish, it's late, normal dinner hours are over and only extended dinner hours are avalaible but those close soon. My CO tells me to just go get dinner and we'll do the AAR and cleanup tomorrow. No time to go change if I want to eat.
    I'm wearing UCP, which has soaked up the charcoal from the JSLIST and I look like picrel. I go to the nearly empty chow hall, exhausted. Like on some food and sit in a corner to eat. A stuffy and perfectly cleaned up LTC sees me from across the building and beelines to sit down across from me. He's got the evil look in his eye, clearly about my appearance, like he is just going to frick me up. He asks what I've been up to. Before I even answer, my CO materializes behind me, jumps down, pats an arm on my shoulder and starts telling him about the chemical weapons training I'd been doing. LTC's whole face changes, from about to frick me up to impressed. He comes by the next week and tours our shop and pokes around and I ended up getting a coin out of it

  79. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >cqb training at area in nt
    >everyone piling up on door to enter it
    >some moron walks over to other sie building
    >stands there near window behind enemy dummy target
    >bulk of guys enter building
    >shooting live rounds
    >1 round hit and killed moron soldier
    >ranger safety guy and NCOs running the course found not responsible
    >accident blamed on DOD for systematic failings for safety stuff
    >top brass just blamed NCOs
    >guy actually lied on medical forms when he was doing recruitment process - he had unreleased psych problems
    >NCO careers over basically, despite fact they followed every fricking procedure correctly
    >judge gives 1 mil to morons family
    His name was Private Challis

  80. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >army survival course
    >everyone given task of preparing lecturre on certain topic
    >abo guy told to find snake and give lecture on poison snakes and first aid
    >guy finds docile carpet python
    >keep python wet in bag and ur ok
    >he forgot to keep wetting the bag
    >cranky python bit him on the ass
    >4 guys and a massive knife to pry python off
    >ended up getting medevaced to hospital for stitches and infection control
    But muh abos know survival shieeet and stufff, we wuzz warriors living off land

  81. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >darwin
    >1st marine rotation
    >marines get drunk on 1st night out
    >see a few cars parked on st
    >start flipping them over
    >they walk home
    >US gov pays out the damages
    >disgraced marines sent home
    >marine commander personally apologises to local resisdents
    >invited local residents to open day to see all marines do live demonstration and locals ride on marine amphib vehicles
    >subsequent marines kept on tight fricking leesh
    >they set up a px on base for those marines to keep them happy

  82. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >The guy who traded his first duty station in Turkey for Minot to share a station with his fiancé (she cheated a week later)
    >The once-recycled BMT trainee who tried to sneak back into the squadron he got kicked out of (and successfully made it into his old bay before being caught by the MTIs)
    >The starving Russian soldier in Bosnia who tried to get my dad to marry his sister after he gifted them some MREs and Marlboros

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >The starving Russian soldier in Bosnia who tried to get my dad to marry his sister after he gifted them some MREs and Marlboros
      Story time

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I mean, there’s not much to say beyond that. As my dad told me, he was on the ground in Bosnia right after the civil war. Place is still effectively in anarchy; no government control, broad daylight kidnappings, minefields still LITERALLY everywhere. His team is out and about and his humvee comes up on a Russian checkpoint consisting of like 4 guys and their armored car. They stop and chat in broken english with the russkies for a while and they learn that they were given enough fuel to reach the mission area and exactly none to return with, so they had fricking snares set up in an attempt to catch escaped house pets to eat because that’s all that can be found. They have some extra supplies on them (the aforementioned boxes of MREs and cartons of cigs), hand them over, and the guys just start bawling. Hugs are exchanged, tears shed, etc, and one of the guys approaches my dad and shows him a picture of the girl (apparently his sister, don’t remember how my dad learned that) on his phone, motioning back and forth and maybe trying to communicate his desire for him to take her back in the states. Already dating my mom and the time, my dad respectfully declines and his team heads on their way.

        So yeah

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >shows him a picture of the girl (apparently his sister, don’t remember how my dad learned that) on his phone
          Shows him a picture? On his phone? In the late 90s early 00s? My brother in Christ, that seems highly unlikely. The first iphone didn't come out till 2007 and cameras on phones were not common before that, essentially unknown. And they certainly weren't in the hands of some low level russian conscript dumped to a checkpoint in Bosnia.
          SFOR ended in 2004, at which point EUFOR took over and American troops redeployed to Iraq/Afghanistan.
          So either you or your father are not telling the truth.

          This is the problem with zoomers, they assume everything now is as it was. But I remember being excited at getting our phones back after Junior Term at Sandhurst and being able to play Snake again. I certainly wasn't able to take pictures.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Phones would unlikely, but not impossible.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I don't find it completely unbelievable that a russian sent all the way to bosnia would make the effort of scrounging together whatever rubles and cigs he can to afford whatever shitty flip phones they had back then to be able to call family back home.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >he first iphone didn't come out till 2007 and cameras on phones were not common before that, essentially unknown.
            That's not true at all, cameraphones were very common by '04 or so, the very popular Razr came out that year for example and had one. I recently found a bunch of my old pre-smartphone phones at my parents' house and they all had cameras too.

            Whether a Russian conscript would've had one at that point is more dubious but almost every phone had a color screen by then and you could transfer pics to them with a cable so maybe that's what he did, but I think it's probably more likely that the story got mixed up over the years and the guy actually showed him a printed photo.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >and cameras on phones were not common before that, essentially unknown
            Fricking zoomers pretending to know what they're talking about.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Tell me you were born after 2000 without telling me.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It could have been that it was a physical photograph, I don’t entirely remember. I heard this from my dad some years ago.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >the guy who traded his first duty station in Turkey for Minot to share a station with his fiancé (she cheated
      Many such cases

  83. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    If you can't decipher this shit, you're frequenting the wrong board.

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