Extremely bizarre instances during war?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    homie, you could've googled some shit real quick...

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Be me
    >Be marine inna Afghanistan in 2011
    >Helmand province
    >Sweeping a village for weapons, have orders to confiscate everything.
    >Locals not happy about this
    >Screaming and shouting from every house as the terps explain situation to hajis
    >Get told to search biggest house in village
    >Yes sergeant
    >Screaming and wailing even louder in this house
    >Sound echoes down hallways, can barely hear anything else
    >Clear each room, kick every door, nobody around
    >Everybody tense, all the haji sounds are really freaking us out
    >Almost magdump my own reflection in a full length mirror
    >Get to last door, that strange wail is definitely coming from in here
    >For some reason go in cautious, push door with the barrel of my rifle instead of going in hard
    >Door slowly swings on hinges older than Mohammed
    >Finally see what's making all the wailing
    >It's OPs mom, getting fricked by a half dozen of the darkest jungle Black folk of Africa
    >Instantly engorged
    >Step up to the heaving, quivering, fricked out mother of OP
    >Look down at her, see the look of a thousand wieners in her eyes
    >One more won't hurt
    >Shove my dick in her mouth
    >Wailing stops

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Have you gotten checked for AIDS? Not the first Black person gangbang OP has had

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Did I have you going for a moment or did you know that I was going to walk the dinosaur?

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    not trying to derail this into another shitflinging thread but this one was ultra bizzare

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Literally just a meteor.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >literally just a meteor..b-be..because..because it just is okay!?!?

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Fritz Klingenberg, Nazi shithead but also a madlad

    On the 11th April, after a number of firefights the six Germans, having sustained no casualties but capturing a number of Yugoslav soldiers, made it to the centre of Belgrade with the tourist and their prisoners. There they raised a German flag. The Mayor came out to meet them, after Klingenberg bluffed, telling him there was an incoming artillery barrage and an impending Luftwaffe attack. The Mayor and some garrison troops surrendered the city to them on 12 April.

    At this point a few more of Klingenberg's men arrived the same way he had, and made a show of their presence, pretending that there was more of them than there were. The German army eventually arrived, dumbfounded at the situation, having made a complex plan to take the city that was no longer needed, and was expected to cost thousands of lives. A few days later Yugoslavia surrendered. Klingenberg was awarded the Knight’s Cross for capturing the city, in effect capturing Belgrade with just himself, his six soldiers and the tourist.

    Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fritz_Klingenberg

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >seething about nazis
      Why? You a wealthy israelite or something? A rusBlack person?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It may shock you to learn that the entire board does not share one monolithic political belief.

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I will tell you the story of the phantom shitter of the USS Essex...
    >Be Cpl Anon, 2012
    >Aboard the USS Essex as we float around the Arabian Sea as a QRF force
    >We have been aboard the ship for almost 4 months now with no port call, cigs ran out long ago
    >the men are getting rowdy and bored, resulting in the captain of the ship laying down harsher and harsher rules
    >One day, a huge, mutant turd is found in the shower room of one of the berthings
    >Staff find out and throw a big stink. They tell the CO who makes it so that there is now a fire watch in the berthings.
    >Firewatch never finds anyone.
    >A few days later after the incident, another sticky mud shark is found in one of the water fountains next to officer country
    >Size and consistency leads to the conclusion that it was done by the same bandit
    >BN CO freaks and the ship's captain eventually finds out the whole story.
    >Calls all Marines to well deck, telling us that they will find the suspect and throw him in the brig, the whole nine yards.
    >The next morning, outside the office of the captain, is a note from the phantom shitter
    >"I am going to shit on the flight deck"
    >Captain shits and pisses his pants, institutes ship wide fire watch at night and an ARMED 24/7 flight deck watch.
    >But there's a twist to this story, as anyone who has served on the Essex knows that in the officer's part of the galley, is a scaled down model of the USS Essex
    >Two days later, to the surprise of the crew and chagrin of our captain, the biggest turd of them all is found neatly laid on the flight deck of the scaled down Essex.
    And THAT, is the tale of the phantom shitter. He was never caught, and never struck again.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I have a similar story from almost exactly the same time period. Was deployed on the USS Bush in the Arabian Sea 2011-2012, providing air support for Mattis' big push in Afghanistan. Consequently, we are not getting port calls, and are instead turning circles and launching planes for months straight. The Bush was equipped with a new kind of sewage system adapted from cruise ships. Rather than having seawater eductors which work, it has very expensive vacuum pumps which do not. Over the many months of deployment, every single enlisted head becomes absolutely destroyed as the pumps fail and the shitters become filled with layer upon layer of fecal matter and toilet paper like some kind of unholy lasagna. Raw sewage sloshes onto the decks in any sea state above total calm. People begin to get sick with diseases normally reserved for the third world despite all our efforts to keep things clean, because CS's don't wash their hands and every meal becomes contaminated.

      The captain and officers are on a separate system and are unaffected so the misery of the peasants is not a priority. Into this moment steps the hero we need and deserve. Somebody begins to take shits in officer country, under ladderwells, in passageways, in the potted plants in conference rooms, even on the XOs welcome mat outside his stateroom. Somehow the perpetrator is never caught on camera. Officers are understandably losing their minds. Disciplinary action is threatened, shipwide musters are called so we can be yelled at, and armed patrols start roaming the ship to try to catch this fecal Robinhood. He was never caught though, and finally the captain had to admit defeat, when shits began to appear in the spaces frequented by the admiral commanding the battle group. The captain had to come across the 1MC and beg the phantom shitter to cease his campaign. Coincidentally, we pulled into port the next week and contractors were flown out to fix the sewage system.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Over the many months of deployment, every single enlisted head becomes absolutely destroyed as the pumps fail and the shitters become filled with layer upon layer of fecal matter and toilet paper like some kind of unholy lasagna
        exactly this, we ended up shitting in a trashcan, one kid from our weapons company was shitting in mre bags and storing them under his rack.
        I can't believe there was another phantom shitter lol

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I never knew the phantom shitter / poop bandit post was a copypasta

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Twist, the phantom shitter was the captain, trying to keep up moral and a high state of alertness during a boring deployment

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        the entire great game was far too silly for such a serious geopolitical conflict

        >the christianised chechan general in the tsar's army who gets his entire command massacred because the local turkic khagan convinced him to quarter them all in different tiny villages
        >the British cavalry officer who mapped out Afghanistan disguised as a muslim holy man despite not knowing anything about islam. Any time he got something wrong he'd tell the sunnis he was shia and vice-versa
        >the British officer who trained persian troops in modern British style infantry combat and lead personally them in combat against Russia
        >the Shah's moron son gets spooks and retreats. The British officer tries to rally them but is shot off his horse and his small force of loyal persians die trying to save him.
        >The russians try to capture him alive for propaganda and send a pair of soldiers to disarm him but he kills them both with his sabre
        >this happens like 3 times before some cossack just shoots him.
        >When the Tsar Paul and Napeoloen negotiated an alliance they were so afraid of British spies they met alone on a river barge. A Russian aristocrat on the British payroll was hiding between the pontoons of the barge writing everything down
        >Russia wants to use Russians held as slaves as an excuse to conquer a Khan so Britain sends a guy there first who pays to free all the Russian slaves
        >The British superspy who was so slippery people aren't sure if he died of fever in Afghanistan or if he spent the next 20 years living incognito in a Bhutanese monastery.

        Why can't spying be silly anymore lads?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Twist, the phantom shitter was the captain, trying to keep up moral and a high state of alertness during a boring deployment

          I didn't mean to reply to your post

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          The eternal anglo really is eternal

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Russian aristocrat on the British payroll was hiding between the pontoons of the barge writing everything down
          Those anglo-saxons!

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >"I am going to shit on the flight deck"
      The absolute pinnacle of psychological warfare.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      modern day robin hood

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      My fricking sides

      During the aftermath of the Battle of Shiloh in the American Civil War, many of the wounded were not able to be rescued or treated quickly enough and many found themselves laying in the fields and brush until things were getting dark.
      Miraculously, many found that their wounds and open cuts would start glowing and fluorescing green-blue.
      Even more surprising was, those with glowing wounds healed faster and didn't get infected as badly, even in equally poor conditions as others.

      Very likely the cause was a certain kind of very small worm that lived in the area getting into the wounds and secreting anti-bacterial agents as they started colonizing the open wounds.
      The worms were in symbiosis with a certain type of bacteria, the worms would function as transport for the bacteria, and the bacteria would release anti-bacterial agents that would kill off the most dangerous of pathogens for the worms. While the worms fed and reproduced in their environment.
      In the soldiers' case, eventually their bodies would fight off the worms and luminescent bacteria, but in the meantime their presence would keep more dangerous illnesses away.

      Check'em trips.
      A fascinating story anon.

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I know most of us have watched Band of Brothers again and again but Spiers really did just fricking run through German positions relaying orders during the Bulge

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Bizarre anon, not B A S E D

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He also 100% did shoot his own guy for being drunk, and did shoot those prisoners on D-Day. There's an interview with Winters where Winters said he called Spiers to verify the story before the show and Spiers was like "yeah i shot those frickers why would i lie about it"

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yes, and I think I have an explanation for it. Prior to the Battle of the Bulge, the Germans had a plan to use captured American uniforms to infiltrate American lines; and while this didn't produce any results it still offers a plausible situation that day.
      >Oh, is that Hans? He was in an American uniform, right? Wait, that's not Hans. Or is it? Why is he running through our lines then?
      It just takes a moment of confusion like that for the story to be true.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Never considered, that, It could make sense as an explanation. That and also, "he's not one of the guys shooting at us, and he's running past us, let's not waste focus on him and keep shooting the guys shooting us". That and/or pure bewilderment

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >the Germans had a plan to use captured American uniforms to infiltrate American lines

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >mfw it’s a MFP joint

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >bizarre instances during war

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      By this point in the war, this isn't even that bizarre. I've seen way more insane shit before and since this.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The Russian approach to war is just so evil. Shovel men to the front, so that you overwhelm the enemy with your slaves.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      What the frick? Did an enemy tank just casually roll up on then

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        There was debate about whether it was an accident, or friendly fire, or if an enemy tank really did roll up on them. But both sides propagandized about it so much who the frick knows what actually happened

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It was early in the war, clear front lines weren't yet established and both sides were using really similar looking equipment for the most part.

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Probably the camp in the Winter War where the Soviets found the fully flayed skin of a human just hanging out to cure.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      ...excuse me? I presume the Finns did the deed, but did the report or whatever you pulled this from say who's skin it was?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >believing Russians

      Ok, bud.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Probably the camp in the Winter War where the Soviets found the fully flayed skin of a human just hanging out to cure.
      this is an interesting story because thats something that happened in Russia till the 1960s..

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    https://www.themeateater.com/hunt/wolf/fact-checker-was-there-a-ceasefire-during-wwi-to-hunt-wolves

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    anyone have the russians hanging out in the pond,

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    News of the declaration of the war of 1812 travelled slowly. It took a week to reach Fort George. When the messenger arrived with the news, the British officers were hosting their American counterparts from Fort Niagara across the river. They agreed to ignore it until morning, and finish the party including a collective toast 'to honour and duty.'

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Love funny gentlemanly moments.

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    During the aftermath of the Battle of Shiloh in the American Civil War, many of the wounded were not able to be rescued or treated quickly enough and many found themselves laying in the fields and brush until things were getting dark.
    Miraculously, many found that their wounds and open cuts would start glowing and fluorescing green-blue.
    Even more surprising was, those with glowing wounds healed faster and didn't get infected as badly, even in equally poor conditions as others.

    Very likely the cause was a certain kind of very small worm that lived in the area getting into the wounds and secreting anti-bacterial agents as they started colonizing the open wounds.
    The worms were in symbiosis with a certain type of bacteria, the worms would function as transport for the bacteria, and the bacteria would release anti-bacterial agents that would kill off the most dangerous of pathogens for the worms. While the worms fed and reproduced in their environment.
    In the soldiers' case, eventually their bodies would fight off the worms and luminescent bacteria, but in the meantime their presence would keep more dangerous illnesses away.

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Be my aunt's dad, US Navy officer in WWII (he's still alive) serving on a "Landing Ship, Tank" in the Pacific Theater. They're carrying among other things a load of new torpedoes. They detect that someone has been breaking into the torpedoes. As it turns out, the guidance system of these weapons contained a small amount of a very pure alcohol which had been meticulously drained out rendering them inoperable. Jap spy? Nah. The true reason: you can't keep a good drunk down!

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    OP's picture by the way was a pyramid in New York City coated with captured German helmets during WWI. I think they were later given out to people who bought war bonds or something.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      that's pretty badass

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I wonder how many UFOs are really just servicemen goofing off.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      If you actually studied UFO lore (regardless of whether or not it is true), then you'd know reports are far more detailed than "we got a weird radar hit". A lot of explanations for UFOs ignore every other past encounter and act like it's the first time, like for example the whole "aliens hovering over ICBM silos, they're here because of our nuclear bombs" story ignores all the foo fighters and mysterious airships of decades prior that had nothing to do with nukes.

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