*Knock on commander's hatch politely*
*Explain I'm an American hostage and need rescue from brown people*
*Climb inside and detonate the 5lbs of TNT I keep stuffed up my ass at all times*
Better idea, call for a pizza to be delivered to the tank, everyone knows tankers can't resist pizza. But be sure to order it with pineapple, this will force the crew to maul each other to death as everyone knows loaders love pineapple
>Record tank, edit footage to make usa look like an insane aggressor state (i mean they are threatening a citizen with a tank, or at least thats what the internet will see)
>Create ai driven narritive via phone internet and purchased cloud computing
>Send to journos, post on PrepHole, arise public outcry
Political bureacracy withdraws tank ahead of elections
I have a phone, so if I relentlessly make false allegations and send doctored/incomplete images/footage of this tank being involved in an overseas war and mention fielding it costs money, the journos and boomers will do the rest.
If you hug its hind treads it can't reach you with its turret, and its too sluggish to get away while you repeatedly pommel it from behind. If you stand to the side of its treads then it won't even be able to hit you with a reverse drive. If it raises its speed to perform a crush then all you have to do is back off until it finishes its crush, then move back in to continue punching. I would have this easy.
>Walk to side of tank >Pull external handle for second shot fire extinguisher >Shit in hand and smear it all over access panel handles on the engine deck
It won't kill them but it will seriously inconvenience the crew because now they have to pull pack and air hose an unholy amount of halon out the pack. Also if they decide not to and just keep driving around, eventually they will destroy the engine.
>have no pockets, currently relaxing nude on a sunday morning >approach with the increased mobility being nude affords me >cum on all the optics >commander peaks to investigate issue >face fuck him like that one chick from FEAST >now have access to crew compartment >incapacitate remaining crew with prodigious application of cock >achieve mission kill on abrams
heh 3 ez 5 me
Autistically sperg out as a tank enthusiast and praise the Abrams as defeat is relative when I can defeat the hearts and minds of the crew by being a massive Abrams fan.
>climb onto tank >tank can no longer shoot me >use pocket modafinil to guard hatch until tankers die of dehydration (it must rain for this to work) >shit all over the hatch just in case
Approach tank, knock on hatch >hello I'm a lost American citizen can I get a ride
Once I'm inside, pull out cigarette lighter and hold a flame against ammunition until it explodes
>turn water to wine and lead to gold right now
I throw my keys at some antimatter
*Knock on commander's hatch politely*
*Explain I'm an American hostage and need rescue from brown people*
*Climb inside and detonate the 5lbs of TNT I keep stuffed up my ass at all times*
Your ass is not a pocket. So TNT is off-limits
It is if you're brave enough
>Hes not using the free pocket god gave him
What are you some kind of homosexual?
>sitting here with only a shirt on
Rape it is.
Oh hell yeah I've never done a foursome with a tank
My pockets are empty.
I have no pockets and the only thing in my hands is my cock
Look at yo tank's mailbox
>keys
>phone
>swiss army knife
I don't think the can opener will be enough...
try to detonate the loaded shell by blasting it with my glonk brand glonk down the barrel
Deploy the sand
I'm not wearing any pants.
I have a USB stick, I'll find the external port and hack it
...
...
...
I'm in
>cell phone
Call in an air strike I guess?
Better idea, call for a pizza to be delivered to the tank, everyone knows tankers can't resist pizza. But be sure to order it with pineapple, this will force the crew to maul each other to death as everyone knows loaders love pineapple
throw shoe down barrel
sit on top of the hatch until the crew inside dehydrates to death or crawl out the bottom.
easy, it's been done plenty of times in the past
>Whip out phone
>Record tank, edit footage to make usa look like an insane aggressor state (i mean they are threatening a citizen with a tank, or at least thats what the internet will see)
>Create ai driven narritive via phone internet and purchased cloud computing
>Send to journos, post on PrepHole, arise public outcry
Political bureacracy withdraws tank ahead of elections
stuff my fat cock into the barrel and make it crack
I walk up and hit the off button (external fire suppression control)
I have a phone, so if I relentlessly make false allegations and send doctored/incomplete images/footage of this tank being involved in an overseas war and mention fielding it costs money, the journos and boomers will do the rest.
The loader's hatch is open. I enter the tank through the turret, crank the turret backwards and drive off with my new tank. Findsies keepsies.
If you hug its hind treads it can't reach you with its turret, and its too sluggish to get away while you repeatedly pommel it from behind. If you stand to the side of its treads then it won't even be able to hit you with a reverse drive. If it raises its speed to perform a crush then all you have to do is back off until it finishes its crush, then move back in to continue punching. I would have this easy.
>Walk to side of tank
>Pull external handle for second shot fire extinguisher
>Shit in hand and smear it all over access panel handles on the engine deck
It won't kill them but it will seriously inconvenience the crew because now they have to pull pack and air hose an unholy amount of halon out the pack. Also if they decide not to and just keep driving around, eventually they will destroy the engine.
I piss in its fuel tank
Doesn't work on a Abrahams. Solid tactic for most other models.
Are you telling me one time a Bradley got sent back to repairs because there was piss in the gas tank?
Pockets?
Goddamn, I remember those movies. Do I go back and watch them? Do they hold up?
>have no pockets, currently relaxing nude on a sunday morning
>approach with the increased mobility being nude affords me
>cum on all the optics
>commander peaks to investigate issue
>face fuck him like that one chick from FEAST
>now have access to crew compartment
>incapacitate remaining crew with prodigious application of cock
>achieve mission kill on abrams
heh 3 ez 5 me
how much is a big mac nowadays ?
All too easy
I smear feces on the view ports
Call them about their tank's extended warranty
I piss down the commander's hatch and on all of the expensive optics
Nothing in my pocket besides a hole where my dick pops through.
Dick in the tailpipe, pleasure the tank to death.
sharpie over the camera lenses?
Autistically sperg out as a tank enthusiast and praise the Abrams as defeat is relative when I can defeat the hearts and minds of the crew by being a massive Abrams fan.
This is not going to work, but paper I used to wipe my cum.
>Pull out American passport
>Ask for a ride
Simple as
>climb onto tank
>tank can no longer shoot me
>use pocket modafinil to guard hatch until tankers die of dehydration (it must rain for this to work)
>shit all over the hatch just in case
i'm in my underwear anon. i don't have any pockets.
But anon, I'm laying in bed naked
Maybe my phone is big enough to damage some engine part? I don't know
i'll feed it doggie snacks to death
>my wallet
I'm not wearing pants but my drone is on the desk next to me... we doing this or not?
>cloth towel
I'm gonna make a crude likeness of the israeli hat thing. Put it on and the troops hand over the tank out of respect.
Jam the turre with small coins.
Stab the crew when they open a hatch to fix it.
ezpz
Joke's on you, my CCW is a Javelin and I pocket-carry
I stick my dick in the turret so when it fires the crew gets blasted and comes out in blackface.
I'm completely naked right now. Maybe if I windmill my cock around they'll laugh so much they won't kill me.
Why, my peanus weanus of course 😉 hahahaha
>Defeat this using only what's in your pockets
Spaghettis everywhere
I'm naked
Approach tank, knock on hatch
>hello I'm a lost American citizen can I get a ride
Once I'm inside, pull out cigarette lighter and hold a flame against ammunition until it explodes