>AD 1888. >You are Kaiser Wilhelm II, newly crowned Emperor of Germany

>AD 1888
>You are Kaiser Wilhelm II, newly crowned Emperor of Germany
>If you do not become the first man to conquer the British Isles by Christmas 1918, a gigantic space clam will descend from hell to murder your soul and record it onto an Edison wax record.
How do you do it, /k/?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >the first man to conquer the British Isles
    I beg your fricking pardon.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >I beg your fricking pardon.
      You have to conquer Scotland too or it doesn't count. Even Caesar didn't make it that far.
      >William II of Normandy
      that is a weird coincidence, though.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Always seemed weird to me how the Northerners didn't even try to back up an Anglo-Saxon claimant after Hastings
        like homie your lands are gonna be parceled out to Norman nobles, you are gonna be harried

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Godwinsson wasn't very popular, or at least it doesn't seem so.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            The Godwins had previously been kinda traitorous c**ts on a few occasions, back during Edward the Confessor's reign. Not all nobility were super-enthused by their return.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I mean didn't those guys cuck out to the Danes as well, they just don't seem very reliable

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I mean didn't those guys cuck out to the Danes as well, they just don't seem very reliable

          Godwinsson wasn't very popular, or at least it doesn't seem so.

          Being effeminate cowards was a systemic problem among British nobles at this point in history. Harold really lived in contrast with current trends.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            William's conquest was the final episode in a longer feud between the Anglo-Scanian and Anglo-Norman factions.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Excuse me, anon. Could you pretend I posted an image of Oliver Cromwell here? Thank you very much.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        you can solve this problem by sailing to the highlands and eating england from the top down

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He was hardly the first. The Danes did it before him, then the Saxons before them, then the Romans before them. What are they teaching you morons in history class these days?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Briton+Saxon+Norman+Dane admixture= English. Never really got the seethe over the Conquest, listening to insecure Frogs try to claim him is peak comedy. I can argue that all fricking day long by any metric, I despise the Gauls.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        why is Billy Conker not "French"?

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Guess I'm dropping a new album

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I play the "do not fire Bismarck" card and let him sort everything out.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Congratulations, you sign an enduring alliance with Great Britain and Germany (and frankly Europe as a whole) prospers for the next century
      However you see only a fraction of this since you die on Christmas Day 1918

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Bismarck fails to make meaningful progress towards your goal because of completely opposed political aims by Lord Salisbury, then dies 20 years prior to your deadline leaving behind a complex and delicate political framework that hinges on him being there to sort things out.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    That is the sickest fricking moustache I've ever seen. Wilhelm wins on drip alone.

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Invest heavily into submarine development and construction at the cost of all other naval expenditure
    >Wait for the Brits to sign a peace treaty when they start starving to death
    Outright occupation is impossible. Also you need to appropriate food and laborers from the conquered territories more brutally so that your own people don't starve from the British blockade.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Occupation should be quiet easy if you find a way around their navy.
      Historically the UK did not have a good land army but a big and relativly competent navy which was needed with the empire and such.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        historically Ireland, Scotland, and even Wales were quite difficult to conquer

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    just dig a tunnel bro
    or copy alexander the great and make their island an island no more

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Could the French be moved into absolutely hating the British so much they're willing to go to war with them alongside Germany by the 1910s instead of the whole UK-France-Russia alliance taking shape? Problem is I know they hate the Germans very much especially with Germany holding Alsace Lorraine. Giving that to France and an absolutely incredible amount of ass-kissing would be required to get them into an alliance with Germany. I dont think it could be done. Even if it could work I think the German people would rapidly start to hate me and id probably be disposed of long before we're ready for war.
    I think this is an impossible to win scenario short of some technical miracle like inventing nuclear weapons in that time frame.

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    am I married yet?
    anyway the plan is to wait for albert to die and marry Victoria, and have her name me king rather than royal consort. gonna be eating a lot of GMILF pussy to make that happen.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Bad news dog, Victoria is Wilhelm's actual grandmother

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        When has incest ever stopped European royalty?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Do you believe all propaganda or only the israeli kind?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            yeah

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >H*psburg

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Germany would need to overwhelm the Royal Navy enough so that they can facilitate a landing operation
    >And the ground troops would have to capture the British isle within the given timeframe
    Not possible.
    The best thing Germany could hope to do is placating Italy and Russia by abandoning Austria so Germany can actually rush France.
    Once the expeditionary forces are fricked and France capitulates, the British will consider surrender.

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It is simple. I do not build a navy.
    This is a waste. We will defeat the British on the continent.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >We will defeat the British on the continent.
      But the British Isles aren't on the continent, Your Majesty.

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    can I choose to fight the gigantic space clam instead? Thats sounds like more fun

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >go all in on 'Fast Battleships', faster than a battleship, slower than a battlecruiser
    >timing works out, the brits won't react before the Queen Lizzies, because they won't be aware before then
    >WW1 starts
    >Brits aren't stupid, won't meet my fleet with just their battlecruisers
    >trololo convoys between Norway and Britain, anyway, pissing off the British public
    >by 1916, Britain achieves numerical parity between their battlecruisers + Queen lizzies and my fast battleships and risks it, hoping to slow the German fleet down so it can bring the battleships into play
    >it ends in a disaster for Britain, battlecruisers wiped out, fleets now near parity
    >I withheld gas attacks until now, developing the technology further for maximum impact
    >might've encouraged the development of an MP18 equivalent to be available by now, too
    >use it now en masse across the front
    >western front collapses, France forced to surrender
    >submarine and cruiser bases in western France
    >Americans without a convenient drop off point on the continent
    >Operation: Starve the Tommy is a go
    >win

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If I can take my knowledge from today with me?
    >Send "trainers," equipment, and supplies to the Boers in South Africa
    >Turn it into the British Empires very own Vietnam (which it already was but I would make it so much worse)
    >Tell Austria-Hungary to handle their own shit in the Balkans and it's not my problem
    >Attempt reproach with the Russians
    >Establish connections with the Irish and start training them for a Bay of Pigs style op
    >Talk to the Qing and try to set things up so that the Boxer Rebellion is the biggest headache possible for the British.
    >Send agents throughout every single British colony offering independence to anyone who rises up in the event of a war between Germany and Britain.
    >Start building an actual welfare state apparatus so when the starvation blockade hits I can actually get food and services to people
    >Order my police to find and arrest Karl Liebknecht and Rosa Luxemburg
    >Exile them to the bottom of the Ocean
    >Use actually effective propaganda
    >Don't augment the Schlieffen Plan by pulling troops from the west
    If I can get all this done before 1914 I might have a chance. Even then probably not because the American golem is going to come charging in no matter what.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The problem is the world also reacts to your knowledge and will copy you, and your commanders underneath you won't always act perfectly, they also have more shipyards than you.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      One problem with this is that only the outbreak of WW1 stopped the Irish home rule act, and then mistakes after that kicked off the eventual uprisings; your actions are likely to accelerate the political reform that makes Ireland a devolved, somewhat loyal British satellite.

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I roll to seduce

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Don't bother with colonies
    >Immediately start building up a large fleet with a battleline stronger than Britain's
    >Aim to have it done about the turn of the century
    >Once it is done and properly trained, declare war on Britain 'in solidarity with the Boer republics', taking advantage of UK's diplomatic isolation and unpopularity
    >Use your battlefleet to escort invasion to East Anglia
    >Militarily occupy Britain during treaty negotiations, satisfying conditions
    >Dictate generous treaty, requesting protectorate over Boer Republics, a colony connecting them to the sea, and the necessary coaling stations on African coast to get there
    >Spend rest of life attempting to avoid diplomatic encirclement, prevent formation of Anglo-French Entente

  16. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There was a genuine opportunity to corner the British during the Boer war, and to form an alliance with other continental powers (Namely France and Russia). That would at least make a good start. But old Willy just loved his grandmama too much lol.

    This video covers it well: https://youtu.be/wVuvUR3XEEY?si=M1T4ot8WpX2A6FTm

  17. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    > Build up ready for war but don't do any major butterflies other than defenses in the west to stop France
    > send some boats out to intercept the Russian fleet at night in 1905, to get fired upon instead of British trawlers
    > Declare war and invade Russia, overthrow the Czar and establish a constitutional monarchy under a relative married to one of Nicholas daughters, releasing Poland, Finland and some other states.
    > France is at this point attacking the west and learning the price of attacking in WW1 level tech
    At this point I'm at war with France. UK is just watching and getting concerned.
    > Break the damaged French army attacking my trenches with the army once ready. Offer a white peace with honor and return of a part of Alsace Lorraine in exchange for an alliance.
    > On New Years Day 1906, stare at the perfidious Albion across the channel from France, as I still don't see a way to conquer it in the 12 years I have left.

  18. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I immediately cede Alsace-Lorraine to France and spend the next 25 years buttering them up, offering free trade so they can buy German coal, iron, and steel, etc in the hopes that by the time WW1 rolls around we'll be on the same side.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Alsace-Lorraine and other small feuds between european powers were not the point of WW1 or WW2.
      It was always about Germany being the losers of the imperialist wars, having no significant empire and resources by the late 1800s and being bottled between rival countries.
      Simply put, the HRE and the Spanish Empire they controlled before Napoleon were miserable failures, and their unification into a single political entity came too late. The British/French/Russian/Spanish empires and their offshoots dominated the best overseas colonies. American-German immigrants never became influential enough to offset the original english that created the US.

      So they decided to pick on the weakest, more corrupt, and more resource rich of their neighbours: Russia. Both World Wars were about conquering a land empire to the east that would have turned them into the strongest european power, and France and the anglo-americans weren't going to allow it, for it would have eventually threatened their interests in the ME and China/SEA.

  19. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I wouldn't go to war with Britain, that'd be moronic. I'd try to isolate Russia and maybe go to war with them to carve out buffer states in Eastern Europe like what happened in the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk. Be smarter about it though and try to keep the other great powers out of it.

  20. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I would join the my Anglo brothers and fight the giant space clam

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